


Unobstructed Views

by TheDespondentOne



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blood and Gore, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dirty Talk, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gen, Gentle Kissing, Gentle Sex, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Negan (Walking Dead), Kidnapping, Kneeling, M/M, Married Negan (Walking Dead), Mental Instability, Multi, Negan (Walking Dead) Swears, Negan Kills Abraham Ford, Negan Kills Glenn Rhee, Oral Sex, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Original Character, Panic Attacks, Past Lori Grimes/Rick Grimes, Past Rick Grimes/Shane Walsh, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Negan (Walking Dead), Protective Daryl Dixon, Protective Rick Grimes, Punishment, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sexy Negan (Walking Dead), Smut, Suicide Attempt, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Violence, Weapons, sexy rick grimes, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-09-16 16:12:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 50,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9279461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDespondentOne/pseuds/TheDespondentOne
Summary: One moment you're putting Judith to bed, the next you're being forced to kneel. Hands tied behind your back you realize everything you've ever known is about to change. Suddenly you're ripped away from your family and the love of your life. Negan has a goal to make him yours, but you're already taken. And Rick will do everything he can to get you back. You know deep down, Negan won't be successful in his mission to make you fall for him. Right?





	1. Scared or Selfish

_Gone, with my pride_  
_Scared I’ll never know who you are_  
_But I’ll try to realize what you've said_  
_and I’ll try to erase my fear_  
  
_I want to have you_

It happened so fast. The sharp metal stinging your arm as it flew past. But it wasn’t meant for you. You looked around and saw their faces. The screaming. The pleading. The crying. The blood. But you couldn’t hear them. All you heard was silence. Almost as if you were watching a silent film. But this isn’t a movie, is it? The bat rose up again and flew down to meet its repeat victim. But that’s not what you were concerned with. More concerning was the man holding the bat. The man who couldn’t focus his attention on his target. No, the only thing he could focus on was you.

\--

/FLASHBACK/

You walk outside on the porch and take a big breath. You survey the farm and admire the open field around you. It was a peaceful safe place in this dead world we now live in. The sun was setting over the surrounding trees and the farm looked like it was out of a portrait. The trees lazily swayed as the wind passed by. The birds were chirping and flying above you. It amazed you that even if humans were raising hell, the creatures of the forest can remain untouched. You wondered if one day you could fly as free as a bird.

A hand touches your shoulder and you jump. You grip the white banister that surrounds the white house that guards the farm. You turn to meet Rick’s smiling face and you sigh, placing a hand on your chest in relief.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you,” he says, his southern accent thick. You’ll never get used to that accent. Being from the north, you find it charming and almost hypnotizing. “You didn’t scare me.” you state, folding your arms. “Oh, my mistake. You looked _frightened_. Must’ve been the sun,” he says and leans his arms against the banister. You breathe out and take him in. The way the sun was casting a glow on his face and revealing the gold in his brunette hair made you want to run your hands through it.

“Any word on Sophia?” you asked, concerned. She was Carol’s daughter, and she went missing. That poor woman has gone through enough, and didn’t need losing her daughter on top of it. Rick’s demeanor changed from calm to stressed. “No.” he said, shaking his head. “Daryl is going to kill himself out there searching. I think we should group together and set up a search party for her. For Carol.” He stood up and looked into yours eyes. Your heart dropped a bit from the closeness. You glanced down at his lips and back up to his eyes. “I think that’s a great idea.” You said, smiling a bit. “Just don’t forget about me. I’d like to go.”  
“Oh, I could never forget you. Even if I tried.” He said, smiling wide at you.

\--

You laid on the king sized bed ran your hands down your face. How did you get here? Why were you here?  Why were you the chosen one?  
You’ve been stuck in this large room for almost a week now. These questions were swirling around in your head over and over again. Food has been brought to you three times a day on the dot by some girl named Sherry. She looked at you with sad eyes like she pitied you. She was your only visitor, and you must admit, you were craving some human interaction. You tried to communicate with her but she was kindly resistant, just offering you food and then going on her way.

You spent your first days crying, curled up in a ball refusing to move. Your friends have been killed. You have been ripped away from your family. And for what? You didn’t know. You haven’t left this room since.

Fortunately, the room did have an extensive bookshelf that you took advantage of. You weren’t surprised at the selection. It was filled with self-help textbooks such as “How to Be a More Powerful Man” and “How to Be the Bigger Boss in the Workplace”. You rolled your eyes imagining this as a workplace. After you buried your sorrows you settled on a Stephen King novel and have been reading it for days. However, even reading can become dull. You needed something else to entertain you. You’ve tried stretching, doing sit ups and push-ups, rotating the pillows, fluffing the sheets, flipping the mattress, re-organizing the entire room, going through every single item in the entire room but to no avail. You were going mad.

You opened the window and breathed in the fresh air, but were instantly removed from your peace by the sound of walkers banging against the lower fence. You wished you could just crawl out of the window and escape, but you were too high up. You glared at them and shook your head, returning to sit on the bed.

You heard a knock on the door and glanced at the clock. It was only 3pm, too early for dinner’s delivery. You attentively went to the door to see who was greeting you.

“Come with me.” A man said whom you learned to call Dwight. His badly scarred left face looked reddened today, and you wondered if there was a cause. His blonde hair looked scraggly, and his eyes showed a tired man beneath the hard exterior. You obediently followed, closing the door behind you. You didn’t care where you were going, as long as you got to leave the four walls you were jailed in.

You walked through the Sanctuary in silence, thinking how inappropriately named the place is. You took in every single detail around you. Colors of the walls, the passing faces, the sounds, and the scents. You were so deprived of all senses that you wanted to take in every single thing that you could. Even being held prisoner, you were curious as to how this place worked. Maybe that would help you out in the long run.

You were taken outside near the fence. You watched as workers, you learned their correct term “Saviors”, killed walkers to prevent a major pileup against the fence. You glanced at the walkers with a empathetic look. All they wanted was in, and all you wanted was out.

“Hello there, doll face!” You jumped at the words and instantly turned your gaze to the voice next to you. _Negan_.

You didn’t respond, rather, you stood there waiting for his next move. Your eyes filled with rage as you surveyed his gleeful face. _GlennAbrahamDarylMaggieGlennCarlAbrhamJudithGlennRICK_. Pictures of your friends kept popping up in your head every time you looked at him.  
“Wait a second, you’re still in your same old ratty clothes,” he stated, glancing up and down your figure. This made you uncomfortable, and you crossed your arms to gain some privacy. You were still wearing the same outfit you wore during _that night_ minus your jacket. Your tank top still had blood on it; your black jeans had dirt on the knees from you being forced to kneel. You shivered at the thought, the memories still fresh in your mind.

That night you were pushed into the large bedroom by Dwight and warned, “Don’t you dare try to leave.” You immediately ran to the bathroom. Fearful of Negan walking in on you, you skipped the shower. You ran to the sink and grabbed a towel hanging on the towel rack and ran it under the scolding hot water. You scrubbed the blood off your face and chest over and over again. You dipped your head under the water and scrubbed your scalp until you had skin underneath your finger nails. You scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until you were raw. Your friend’s blood was splattered onto you from a careless bat swinging around like a baseball player in a batting cage. You needed it off of you. You needed to scrub yourself from it all.

“Dwight, didn’t you bring her a new set of clothes?” Negan asked while resting _Lucille_ on his shoulder and bringing you back to reality. You wanted to gag him with that damn bat. Dwight shifted his weight and shook his head, “No, sir.” Negan hummed. “And you didn’t think, maybe, after days of sitting in that room she might want, oh I don’t know, to have clean clothes a _nd_  a shower?” Negan looked at you and winked and you averted your eyes to the walkers. You never wanted to be a walker. To roam the earth desperately seeking food, rotting away to never experience any form of human interaction or emotion again.

But at this moment, well, it doesn’t seem so bad.  
  
“I didn’t know, sir, it isn’t proper protocol.” Negan laughed at that comment, and swung Lucille down to the floor. It made you jump and squeeze your eyes shut, as if you were awaiting a blow. Negan noticed your reaction and leaned closer to you. “Don’t worry, princess, I’d never use Lucille on you. Unless you were into that kind of thing.” You were sure he winked at you but you avoided his gaze, trying to slow down your heart rate. If you didn’t calm yourself now, you’d send yourself into a panic attack. You became really good at avoiding those, better than in the past, but this might send you into overdrive. The last thing you need right now is the feeling of impending doom while being surrounded by people who make you feel nothing but anxious.

“Now, Dwight, do you think putting her in my bedroom for the past week is proper protocol?” Negan stood there staring at Dwight waiting for his response. Ah, so the bedroom you were in is Negan’s. That’s just great. But if you’ve been there for the past week, where has he been? You instantly became grateful he didn’t force you to sleep in the same bed as him. You glanced at Dwight and took in his expression. He looked so… _damaged._ You hoped you wouldn’t leave this place as broken as him, if you e _ver got out._

“No, sir.” Dwight said, and Negan nodded. “I’ll let it slide this time, only because this gives me a chance to personally show (Y/N) the bedroom.” You squeezed your eyes tight and swallowed. “Come with me, darling,” you felt a hand on your back to guide you.

That hand felt as if it was going to burn a hole into your skin.

“Let me give you the grand tour while we’re here! This is the best fucking place on earth. Honestly. Your little Alexandria is cute and all, but this!” He boasted, throwing his hands up in the air including the hand holding Lucille, “This is the best fucking place. You got nothing but security here, if you don’t fuck up. You get fresh food every single day, a shower, clean clothes, and if you play your cards right, you’ll get me.” You stared at him and decided the best thing to do right now is to stay quiet. Your friend’s faces wouldn’t stop running through your head. You wanted to throw up, to punch Negan in the face, to hop the fence and run far away to this place. You wanted to be in Rick’s arms. You wanted to feel the security around his big frame holding you into the night. Instead, you started to feel numb.

“How have your meals been here? Delicious? I bet fucking so!” Negan continued talking about his Sanctuary while you passed certain buildings, but you drowned him out. You couldn't focus on anything but the path in front of you. It felt like you were walking back to your jail cell. How long would you be in here this time?

Suddenly Negan opened a door and surveyed the room. “Hmm. Looks like you’ve done some redecorating. I like it,” he says and sets Lucille down against the bookshelf. You sigh and enter the room to sit on the bed, just as you’ve been doing for the past week. “Now, sweetheart, you can use my _personal_ shower. Just for you! I know, I know, I’m being extremely fucking generous. Don’t worry, you’ll pay me back later,” he said with a smirk. “Now, while you’re showering, I’ll take those disgusting, blood soaked clothes and get them washed, along with bringing you a new outfit.” You stared at him in disbelief. You didn’t know what was happening. Why was he letting you use his shower? And why was he being so nice to you? Why are you in his room? Why is he giving you a wardrobe?

You remained silent. You didn’t want to set him off, as you knew what he was capable of. But oh how you craved to smash his skull in like he did to Glenn and Abraham.

“Oh, I see why you’re quiet. You can take this,” he said, holding up a white fluffy robe, “and then I can take your dirty clothes from you. But that does include your underwear,” You glanced at the floor again. You hated how disgusting he was. After years of being treated to kindly, it was hard to stick around listening to these kinds of comments. The only comments near this kind of vicinity was when Daryl would complement your ass when you’d wear jeans, but Rick would quickly shut him down. This was nothing compared to Daryl’s light hearted comments.

You rose from the bed and took the robe that was dangling from Negan’s finger, and entered the bathroom. You locked the door while you changed just in case he went back on his word, which was very plausible. Once you were in your robe you opened the door again to give him your laundry.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” he said and smiled at you. You shut the door and locked it behind you.

After taking a large breath, you turned on the shower. It still amazes you how clean _and_ hot water can still exist in this world. You took off your robe and surveyed the bathroom, fearful of any cameras. You didn’t know what to expect here, anything was possible.

You stepped in and felt the water hit your skin. It stung only slightly, as your skin was still a little raw from your scrub down days ago. After you were finished cleaning yourself, you stood there for what seemed like ages. You didn’t want to move. In here, you were safe. In here, you could relax somewhat and let yourself be naked, emotionally and physically. You frowned wishing Rick was here to join you like he usually does, washing your back and giving you soapy kisses on your neck.

You snapped out of your daydream once you heard a loud knock on the door.

“Come out darling, the water is gonna get cold!”

You turned the water off and grabbed a clean towel. You ran it through your hair and all over your body before putting the robe back on. You opened the door and Negan stepped back avoiding the hot steam that escaped the bathroom.

He took a large breath in and surveyed you. “You smell nice.” he said and smiled. “Here are your clothes,” he said and pointed toward the bed. You saw an outfit similar to yours along with a brand new outfit. “Your outfit wasn’t done drying yet, so I got you something that resembled what you had. And then, I got you something better,” he said glancing at the brand new outfit. It was a low cut blouse with what looked like _very_ short jean shorts. You grabbed the long jeans and tank top that resembled your old outfit and a new pair of underwear and bra. You turned and headed back to the bathroom as Negan frowned at your choice.

You looked at the bathroom mirror and opened it to find a hair brush. You changed into your outfit and stood there to brush your hair for much longer than necessary. You took as much time in the bathroom as you could to unwind. You didn’t want to go out there and face him. Face reality.

No, instead, you just wanted to stand in this bathroom and brush your hair.

You heard a man clear his throat outside and you knew not to keep Negan waiting. He killed your friends in the most violent way, who knew what he would do for using a god damn hair brush too long.

You left the bathroom and closed the door. You stood there looking at Negan who was sitting on the bed.

“Jeeze, you look like someone killed your puppy. Relax, kid,” he said, and you just started at him. You went from numbness to sadness. You felt like a yo-yo with all your different emotions. Surprisingly, you wanted to be left in this room again. To cry, to collect your thoughts. Seeing Negan again after that night has made you more upset than you wanted.

“Come over here,” Negan called you over with his fingers and you obeyed. He patted the bed next to where he was sitting and you hesitated. “I don’t bite.” He whispered with a wink. You continued to stare while slowly sitting down next to him.

“Now, there are some things we have to clear up. First, I own you. Everything you have and you are, is mine. You live here now. Secondly, if you even think about escaping or doing anything to put my men at risk, your group will pay. _Especially_ your little Rick.” Your gaze fell from his eyes to the floor. You couldn’t comprehend this. The room was spinning, your heart rate was speeding up, and you suddenly were gasping for air. _Shit._ _Now is the worst time for this!_

“What are you doing?” He asked as you left the bed to sit on the floor and put your head between your knees. You tried so hard to even your breathing. _You’regonnabeokayyou’regonnabeokayyou’reognnabeokay._ All of a sudden you felt something poking your knee and you looked up to see a hand holding out a paper bag. You grabbed it and quickly opened it and started to breathe into it.

You finally got your breathing under control and noticed your face was wet. _Damn._ You didn’t want to cry in front of him but yet, here you were. You wiped your eyes and looked toward Negan. He was sitting on the bed starting intently at you.

“Well, that’s not a reaction I’ve ever had before. Incredible!” He said in awe. You put your head back against the wall. You wanted to lie down. You felt antsy. The slightest movement could set you off into another attack.

Whenever you had a panic attack with Rick, he would refuse to leave your side. He would hold you while he whispered soothing words in your ear. You would quickly come down from your hyperventilating to turn into, what he called, a “bowl of mush”. You’d lay there lifeless in his arms exhausted from the attack, and he would do nothing but rub your arms and give you kisses on your head until you were ready to move on.

Negan just stared at you.

A knock came to the door next to you and you jumped at the sound. Negan looked at you concerned for a second and then focused on the visitor. He opened the door and you continued to stare off into space.

“Sir, there has been incident with the prisoner.” The voice said, and you identified the voice to be Dwight.

You were immediately concerned. Other prisoners? It’s not just you? Who else is here? Where are they staying? Are they in bedrooms like this too? Do other prisoners get the joy of using Negan’s _personal_ bathroom, or is that just some sick pleasure he gave you?

“Ugh, fuck,” Negan said, and turned his head toward you.

“Time to visit your old friend.” He stated and grabbed Lucille off the ground.

He stared at you for a moment to then left the room and locked the door.

 _My old friend?_   You questioned. And then you realize who he was talking about.

_Daryl._


	2. Domesticated

_Is it hard for you to look at me_  
_As something more than just your property?_  
_Stealing all my attention,_  
_You keep me from the world I’m missing._

They laid there motionless next to you. Their heads smashed into unrecognizable figures. Their last words were swirling in the air and circling around you. Their blood covered your face, your hair, and your clothing. One minute they were here, and the next, they were _gone._ You’ve dealt with losing group members before, but never like this. The man in front of you stood tall like a sky scraper. You have never felt so small. The silence was deafening. The tower leans down and focuses his gaze on you. He smiles, crinkling his salt and pepper beard. He leans the bat towards you and sates, “She’s the one I want.”

\--

/FLASHBACK/

You heard commotion on the camp and went to investigate what it was about. You were busy washing clothes in the lake, and you came back up to be greeted with what seemed like a family reunion. A man in a police uniform was hugging Carl, the small boy who you learned to be Lori’s son. Lori stood close staring at the man with a shocked expression, tears streaming down her face. You looked around and squinted your eyes, evaluating the other camp member’s reactions. You weren’t sure if anyone else knew this man. Everyone watched with curiosity, and some members admiring the sweetness of the reunion. One camp member caught your attention, and that would be Shane. When you first met the Grimes’, you thought Shane was Lori’s husband. The way he talked to her, acted around her, and protected her. She spoke sadly of her husband, but quickly brushed the topic off. This man reuniting with the Grimes’ couldn’t be him, as Lori said he died in the hospital from a gunshot wound. You stared at Shane and watched as he glared at the unnamed man, his expression switching from relief to anxiousness to anger. Something wasn’t right here.

You approached the group with an empty basket, waiting to refill more dirty clothes to continue your chore. You walked up next to Andrea and whispered to her, “Who is that?” She gave a small smile to the unnamed man and answered without removing her eyes, “I believe that is Lori’s husband and Carl’s dad by the way Carl ran up to him and screamed, ‘Dad!’”. Your eyes grew with this new information. How does this man come back from the dead and not be a walker? Unless Lori’s story wasn’t straight, you weren’t sure. She seemed trustworthy enough.  The unnamed man was later introduced to the group as Rick. You nodded and left the reunion, feeling out of place.

Later that night you all sat around the campfire as Rick told his story. You stared at the man with curiosity. He was charming, and undoubtedly handsome.

Lori never did clear up her story.

You volunteered to go downtown to Atlanta to retrieve Daryl’s brother, and Rick seemed surprised by your action. It seemed as though he watched your every move while you were on the trip. Not out of scrutiny, but curiosity. He asked you questions, trying to get to know you a little better. You two shared a few long glances before someone cleared their throat and you resumed the conversation. He seemed interested in you: to know where you came from, who you were before this all went down. You were happy someone wanted to know your story. Everyone seemed to be very self-absorbed since the apocalypse, and you understood. In moments of crisis the first person you have to protect is yourself. Rick didn’t seem like that. He seemed to always be concerned about those around him. You felt comfortable around him, safe even. It was a new feeling, one you haven’t had in a long time. You were glad he was here, and hoped he would stick around for quite some time.

\--  
“Good morning princess!” you heard as you were jolted from your sleep. You opened your eyes to register where you were. You glanced at the clock and noticed the time of 8:08AM.

“You have been out like a light for fucking forever.” He said while taking a swig of his bottle, gulping and sighing loudly. You sat up and rubbed your eyes and took a breath. Yesterday must have taken a lot out of you. You instantly remembered where Negan left you yesterday, and you scrunched up your forehead at the thought. You looked at Negan who was standing in front of the door, smirking at you. “Did I fall asleep on the floor?” You asked, staring at the man before you. “In fact you did. And I, because I am a fucking gentleman, carried you into the bed.” You stared at him in disbelief before staring at the bed sheets next to you. They looked untouched. “Did you sleep here?”

“Nope,” Negan said with a pop. You nodded, your eyes lazily headed toward the ground. Your head instantly snapped up and you looked him straight in the eyes.

“Where is Daryl?” You asked. Negan glared at you and put his bottle down. “I’m taking care of him, and that’s none of your concern.” He finished his statement off with a smile, and you scowled.

“You’ve killed my friends and ripped me from my family. Just tell me. Is he alright?”  
Negan hummed and walked over to the opposite side of the bed and sat down, snaking an arm around your waist. “Mm, he’s fine. For now. As long as he doesn’t fuck up. Now, forget about that.” His fingers brushed your tank top up revealing skin underneath, and you felt his fingertips graze your skin lightly. It brought shivers down your spine and you swallowed hard. “I don’t want to forget about it.” You whisper.

“Listen, he’s getting what he deserves. I’m being pretty fucking generous if you compare the two men I killed of yours to the multiple your group killed of mine. Now,” his grip around your waist tightened, “I said, let’s forget about that. I brought you some new clothes- and they fit your _style_ \- but I still snuck in some suggestions.”

You glanced over to the desk and saw a neat pile of clothing waiting for you. You stood up eagerly to rid yourself of his hands, and walked over to the desk. You took the risqué clothing and the dresses sitting in a pile and threw them in the waste basket next to the desk while deciding on an outfit. You heard Negan clear his throat behind you and you ignored him. You noticed the one pile included _the_ outfit you wore during _that_ night and you shut your eyes tight. Deciding quickly, you thought a random white t-shirt and dark blue jeans would do for the day.

“What am I doing today? Am I even leaving this room?” You asked, turning around.  He cocked his head to the side and looked up to the ceiling as if he was thinking about your question. He returned his eyes to you and stated, “Yeah, you could follow me around for the day.” You shook your head, “and what about tomorrow? I’m going crazy in this room. I need to do _something._ ” You said, gripping the clothing. You were met with a smirk as he said, “Oh I can give you something to do.” You rolled your eyes and folded your arms. “Please be serious.” He nodded, “Okay. What do you want to do, princess? Ain’t no way in hell I’m giving you a job that involves Alexandria, or a job that involves putting your pretty little life in danger.” You scuffed at the last comment. “Give me a job. I don’t care what it is, just let me do something. I need a purpose here.” You heard him click his tongue and he nodded. “I’ll think about it.”

You frowned at the response and went to head toward the bathroom. You stopped in your tracks and turned around, “Where do you sleep at night if this is your bedroom?” You asked, curious. You really just wanted to know if you’d be forced to share a bed with him anytime soon. He stared at you with a smile on his face, “Well! I will show you that answer as soon as you’re finished up in there.” He said, nodding toward the bathroom.

He stood up and you watched him intently. He walked over to the waste basket and pulled out the pile of clothing you deemed unfit to wear. He laid it on the bed and grabbed a lacey corset with matching underwear that was buried in the pile, and tucked it under his arm. He walked over to you and whispered in your ear, “We’re going to need this someday.”

And with that, he turned and exited the room.

\--

You walked next to Negan as you passed through the Sanctuary. It amazed you how fearful everyone was of him. They either stopped walking entirely or walked the opposite direction. You heard murmurs of, “Sorry, sir,” and “Excuse me, sir”.  You watched in disbelief as the citizens scurried before you.

You arrived at a white building with large double doors. Negan knocked three times as to signal who he was, and then swiftly entered. “Ladies!” he said proudly. You walked in behind him and entered the building, finally able to see what ladies he was talking to.

Five girls sat in what looked like a common room. There were six doors surrounding the room and you wondered what was behind them. You glanced to your right to be greeted with a beautiful small kitchen, and to your left to see an extensive bathroom. In the back was a fancy bar, and you wondered if it was even stocked or just for show. The girls were spread around the entire room. One was reading a magazine, one was painting her nails. One was braiding another’s hair. One girl stood in front of you, and you recognized her to be Sherry. A small smile appeared on your lips as you remembered her kindness.

“Ladies, this is (Y/N). (Y/N), I’d like you to meet my wives.” He said, and smiled widely at the five women. Not registering what he had said, you scrunched your forehead up in confusion. “Ah, hi,” you said, looking around. They looked up at you for a second and then resumed whatever activity they were doing. Negan walked forward and kissed Sherry on the cheek, and you grimaced.

“What do you mean wives?” You ask, continuing to stare at them. “You see, (Y/N),” Negan explained as he walks around the room. He stopped in front of the brunette reading the magazine. “These girls are mine. I clothe them in the most ravishing dresses, I feed them the most exquisite food, and I give them this beautiful place to live. And in return, I get to have them whenever I want.” His eyes darkened and you knew what he meant. He grabbed the brunettes hand and kissed the top of it and you watched as she gave him a blank look. The girls were clothed in dresses fit for a night club. They didn’t have any responsibility it seemed, just to literally lay around and look pretty.

You stared at the six doors and realized those were the girl’s bedrooms. “What, you just pick one and decide that’s the one for the night?” Negan chuckled at your question and nodded, “Something like that. This is where I’ve been.” He said, with his arms out wide. You shook your head, “I’ve seen enough.” you stated and turned around and left the building.

“(Y/N)!” You heard Negan yell as you walked away from the building. You stopped and rolled your eyes, turning around to watch him come closer to you. “First of all, don’t you ever fucking walk away from me. I am _your_ leader. You bow to me. You don’t anything unless I say so.” You rolled your eyes and folded your arms. He evaluated your face and gave you a smug look. “What, you jealous?” He asked as he walked closer. You chuckled. “Yeah, sure, jealous of your sex ring. How disgusting can you get? Don’t answer that.” You said as you put your hand up. “And they all live together and what, trade you off throughout the night? Listen to each other moan your name like pigs? Sorry I don’t find your whores the least bit interesting as you,” you stated and turned to walk away again, and he grabbed your arm with force and whipped you around. “Oh, you’re not interested in them? Tell me, who else do I clothe, give only the best food to, and allow to sleep in _my bedroom?”_ You shook your head, “I didn’t ask for any of that. In fact, I don’t recall asking to be here AT ALL!” You yell, and he tightens the grip on your arm. You were sure it was going to leave a bruise, but you were desperate for the contact. You needed to feel s _omething_ other than this dread. You needed the pain to bring you out of this reality.

“What were you gonna do? Shove me into bedroom number six, making me anxiously await my turn dreaming of the night you finally pick me? Make me read year old magazines and lay on a couch all day? That,” you said as you motioned to the building behind him, “makes me s _ick._ ” You two glared at each other in silence for what seemed like a life time. Both of you were breathing heavy; ready to jump at any moment.  
  
Negan walks closer to you putting his face inches in front of yours, still gripping your arm. “As far as I’m concerned, you are already a _wife_.” He says in a dark voice. He lowers his head to glare at you as you snicker.

“Except you’ll never, _ever,_ get to sleep with me.” You say venomously.

\--

You’ve been awake for a few hours but you refused to move. You were wrapped in the soft cotton sheets, letting the breeze from the window gently touch you. You took a breath and let it out slowly, trying to find a moment of peace in this hell hole.

After yesterday’s blow out, Dwight pushed you into Negan’s room and locked the door. Negan didn’t even say a word, just gave Dwight a look and Dwight knew what to do. It made you sick to think how much control this bastard has in this place. You centered your anger into reading until you fell asleep with a book on your chest.

It was now morning, and you closed your eyes and imagined what Rick was doing. You find yourself doing that a lot lately, curious to how he is. You guessed it was out of habit. You always knew where he was and what he was doing. Even when you were apart, it wasn’t for long. When the Governor captured you to torture you to gain some information and taunt Rick, it didn’t last long. Your group and Rick were there to save you before any real damage was done.

So why was this any different?

You heard the door swing open and you didn’t even bother to look. You knew who it was. “Up,” a stern voice said. You slowly pulled yourself out of your blanket cocoon and sat up in the bed. “Get dressed, then come out.” He stated, you refusing to meet his eyes. You sighed as Negan left the room, and you did as you were told.

You left the room and found him standing there staring at the grown scornfully. He looked up at you and took a breath, “Follow me.” Once again, you obeyed.

You ignored the curious faces as you walked by. You wondered what these people knew about you, thought about you. Did they know you were ripped away from everything you’ve ever known?

After a silent short walk behind Negan, you arrived at a small gray building with 5 rows of steps. You followed him up them and walked inside. The room had a few laundry mat style washers and dryers against the wall. There were small counters lining each wall and people were standing there folding or ironing. In the middle of the room were six tables with sewing machines on them. People were sitting at each of them sewing together what looked like outfits. One table, you noticed, was empty. “This is your job. Leslee over here will give you the run down. You will report back to the room after 3pm when your shift ends.” And with that, Negan turned to exit.

You watched him leave, making sure he was actually leaving you to be by yourself.

You turned back to the lady with short blonde hair and smiled. “Okay, where do I start?”


	3. The Kingdom of Welcome Addiction

_Do you remember your coming down_   
_Forced to take sides?_   
_Your taunted charm and your broken smile_   
_Touched me unexpectedly_

  
He picked up the bat and slammed it down, the skull cracking in its wake causing the eyes to pop out due to the pressure. Yet, he didn’t break eye contact. He lifted his arms up and brought the bat down again, and again, and again. He whipped the bat back up and blood flew onto you. You had tunnel vision. Your only focus was on this man and nothing else. It was the easiest thing to do in the moment. Nothing else made sense. He walked over to his next victim, saying something to the crowd but never removing his eyes from you. He did the same thing to a new head, smashing it again, and again until there was nothing left. By the end of it you could tell he was exhausted. His arms swung carelessly at his side while his breathing remained heavy. He winked at you and gave you a smile, and you felt the need to crawl inside yourself.

\--  
/FLASHBACK/

“Okay, do I aim like this?” you asked Rick. You were on the farm, pointing a gun at an empty soda bottle that was standing on the wooden fence. You have been begging him to teach you how to shoot properly since your way of “just shoot until you hit something” wasn’t proven effective on runs. The only thing saving your ass was your quick movements. You could out run or outsmart a walker any day.

You loved going on runs, in fact, you thought it was exhilarating. The quick get in and out before you’re touched made your heart race. And it was the only time you could spend with Rick without feeling eyes on you. You were the first to volunteer to go, and even if you weren’t always the first pick, he made sure to include you.

Rick walked over and put his arms on top of yours. Your breath hitched at the closeness. You watch his hands enclose on yours as he adjusts your aim.

He muttered something about aiming down the sight but you weren’t really listening. You couldn’t hear much but your heartbeat ringing in your ears. You swallowed and turned your head to meet his.

For weeks now, you two have been together nonstop. If something needed done around the farm, or if Rick needed advice about Sophia, he came to you. If he couldn’t sleep, he often found you lying on the grass admiring the moon and he’d join you in silence.

Your eyes melted into his and you felt his warm breath against your skin.

“Hey!” You heard someone yell, and the surprise made you pull the trigger. You gasped and you both turned your eyes forward to see if your bullet hit anything.

“You haven’t hit ANY?” You heard a voice laugh behind you and you both broke apart from each other. Rick put his hands by his side and stepped back while you lowered your gun and turned around. You see Andrea walking her way towards you.

She laughed and shook her head, “Wow. You really need some practice. But so do I. Mind if I join?”

You both shake your head. “Yeah, sure,” you say, averting your eyes from hers.

“Yeah, no problem,” Rick mutters, rubbing his hands on his thighs.

Andrea looked at you and winked before holding out her hand, waiting for you to hand over the gun.

\--

You stood up from your station, packing up your things from the day. You wondered what the point was. You wake up, go to work, are tormented by Negan, go to sleep, and repeat. The spark in your life that kept you together was gone. Everything that kept you going was removed. So now you wonder, what is the point? What is the reason to keep going? Where is your purpose?

Your shift ended at 3pm but you stayed a few extra hours just for the hell of it. The job at the laundromat was dull, but it got your mind off of things. Your primary job was to make clothing. You were given a station with a sewing machine and thread, and you had a quota to meet every day for certain clothing items. There were people buzzing around you who were in charge of washing, drying, and folding. You were glad you got to sew. You missed this activity, as it was one you went toward when you were feeling anxious. It also gave you a chance to use a bit of creativity and work with your hands.

You weren’t interested in speaking with your co-workers, and they didn’t seem to have much interest in speaking to you. However, you couldn’t help but notice a few whispers or people staring at you every so often.

You grabbed your bag and started to leave the mat as a large figure walked toward you. You stopped once you realized who it was. “Hello darling,” his deep voice greeted you. A nagging feeling appeared in your stomach that wouldn’t subside. You wondered when he will grow bored of you or just give you up. Will you then be able to return to Alexandria? Or will you be forced to roam with the other slaves?

“What do you need, Negan?” You asked, a tired look on your face. You weren’t in the mood for his games. You weren’t in the mood for most things anymore. You were so tired.

“Come with me,” he says while grabbing your hand. You two exit the building and walk together in silence. He didn’t let go of your hand, and you weren’t too eager to let go, either. You had to admit, feeling this tiny gesture of having a hand to hold was nice.

Until you remembered who owned the hand.

Negan takes you in and out of hallways, down large corridors and through narrow buildings. You eventually arrive, being met with a large tower with spiral steps. You both begin to climb them, and you ignore the ache in your knees and the pain in your chest. You just wanted to go to sleep. This entire experience has been way too exhausting.

You reach the top, and he spreads his arms. “Look at this view!” He says, turning around to admire it. You roll your eyes at the fact that he does nothing but fling his arms up and admire his Sanctuary. The sun was setting and it was casting an orange glow among the trees. You took in its beauty, however, it no longer held the same feeling as it used to. Now it just looks like trees. Trees filled with rotting corpses and dead friends.

You said nothing as you walked onto the balcony. Your hands grabbed the railing and you looked straight down. You were pretty high up, but what happened if you jumped? Were you high enough?

You felt hands come around your waist and hold you as you contemplated life or death. You gripped the railing feeling his hands on you.

You were flipped around to meet Negan’s eyes. He ran a hand down your face and his fingers traced your lips. You closed your eyes feeling the intimacy of his hands. It has been so long since you felt any real human contact. You weren’t used to that.

You quickly realized who was performing these gestures and smacked his hands away. You won’t be dancing with the devil tonight.

He smirked at your actions and turned to leave the balcony. “You can stay up here as long as you want; I have some business to attend to.” He states and starts to walk down the spiral steps. You collect yourself and turn around, taking in the people below you.

You look at the top of the buildings and try to map it out from up high. You try to name each building you see to learn the layout, but something catches your eye.

In the far back corner of the Sanctuary you see a gray building, hidden away from the rest of the town, unrecognizable. It was blocked off by fencing and trees and you weren’t sure how to gain access to it.

You were certain enough, however, that you knew where Daryl was. And he was in that building.

\--

You left the tower to do some exploring. You were going to casually walk the perimeter of the Sanctuary to try and make your way to the forbidden building.

You walked past the white building and avoided its entirety. You rolled your eyes at the thought. Girls giving themselves up to one man made you repulsed.

“(Y/N)!” you heard a female say behind you. “Damn,” you said to yourself. You didn’t want to see, let alone talk to, any of those wives.

You turned around to see Sherry standing outside smiling sweetly at you. You gave her a halfhearted smile and walked toward her.

“I… was surprised at your reaction toward me and the girls. I… I guess I thought you knew?”

“Hm. No, I didn’t have any idea.”

Sherry nodded and said, “Right. I just thought, you know, since you’re staying in his room and all that you-“

“That I what? Rail him?” you ask, crossing your arms. Sherry stared at you before nodding slightly.

“No. He never stays the night. In fact, I didn’t even know it was his room for the longest time. I don’t have any interest in becoming one of you.”

You were nastier than you expected, but you were upset. How could anyone mess around with _him?_ Do they not realize what he does to people? The torture he’s capable of?

“Well, I’m sorry if what we do repulses you. But it grants us safety. We aren’t required to do anything that would harm us, we’re fed, sheltered, and Negan treats us like, well, queens.”

You rolled your eyes and muttered a “yeah right”. She stared at you and squinted her eyes.

“Why exactly are you here?” She asked, and you looked at her in disbelief.

“Why am I here? You think I’m here voluntarily? I woke up one day and said, ‘Please! God! Shove me in a room for weeks and then have a man who killed my friends and stole me away from my family torture me! Please, God, would you?!’” You looked at her disgusted and realized you were breathing heavily. She quickly glanced from side to side and grabbed your arm and took you inside the white building, almost at a run.

She took you past the girls lounging in the common room and into her bedroom. She closed the door and locked it. You surveyed her room. You were shocked at how well these rooms were decorated. Who finds these items in the middle of an apocalypse?

The middle of the room had a large queen sized bed with tall wooden posts at every end and a white mesh canopy dropping over it. The furniture was shiny silver with crystal knobs and delicate pearl trimming. You wondered if the other girl’s rooms looked as fancy as Sherry’s.

You turned around to face Sherry and saw her stare sternly at you.

“Listen, you really have to be careful how to talk about him. Someone is _always_ listening, and you can get into deep trouble for talking shit.” She said, her eyes growing sad as she looked to the floor.

She collected herself and looked back up to you, “I wouldn’t mess with him. I don’t know why you’re here, but you have to be careful.”

“You’re admitting your polygamous husband is not a God?” you asked, folding your arms.

She shook her head, “I didn’t ask for this either. Neg- he- there was a deal made. I had to do what I had to do to save my loved ones. As many as the other wives.”

You stared at her in disbelief. “You did this to s _ave_ your loved ones? I…” you closed your mouth and took a breath.

“How?”

Sherry almost laughed at your question, wiping away tears. “You just have to get the job done. At the end of the day, it’s not about you. It’s about them.”

You stood there in silence and digested her words.

“Just be careful. And stay clear of the wives. If they weren’t already upset about how you acted, they’d be upset about you getting special treatment.”

“Special treatment?”

Sherry nodded, “Yeah. You staying in Negan’s room is a _huge_ deal. None of the other wives have been allowed to stay the night there except me, and it was only once. Being able to stay the night there is, well, almost unattainable.”

Your mouth dropped and you quickly regained your composure.

“I have to go,” you said and quickly left the room.

You flew out of the white building to see Negan standing there with a few of his ‘bitches’ as you called them, by his side.

“Baby! Nice to see you’re making friendly with my wives. See, they ain’t so bad.” He gave you a cheeky grin and you dug your nails into your thigh.

He walked up to you and put his hand on your back. “It’s time for you to grab some dinner and then hit the hay. In the morning, we’re taking a field trip to Alexandria.”


	4. Tether

_Where'd you go, you were there by my side_  
_Keep believing it's my turn to hide_  
_In a place where we don't have a prayer_  
_There's a tether that's keeping me there_

 

You were shoved on the ground, your knees bruising beneath you. You shut your eyes tightly hoping this was just a nightmare. You started to breathe faster and faster. You turned your head to the only person in this dead ridden world that can keep you calm. You find his eyes were already on you, and they were filled with fear and concern. His lips form a word telling you to breathe and you nodded. You start to deep breaths while holding his gaze. You want to do nothing more than jump into his arms. He’s your protector. Your saving grace. You notice a giant figure standing in front of you and you look up to meet his eyes. You’re greeted by his smile. That’s when it all went silent.

\--  
/FLASHBACK/

“Rick,” you said, running after him, becoming out of breath. “Rick!” You yelled and tried to grab his arm but he pulled it away. He stopped walking and it caught you off guard. You tried to balance yourself as you waited for his next move.

He invited you on this run like he always did, and it was just the two of you like it always was. But this time, he wasn’t himself. He didn’t keep a hand on your thigh as you two drived to your destination. He didn’t laugh when you tried to sing in replace of the radio. He barely even looked at you. He gripped the steering wheel from time to time so hard that his knuckles turned white. He refused to speak to you the entire run besides the quick, “Meet back here in five,” or “Yell if you need help.”

He turned around to face you but couldn’t meet your eyes. He was distraught. “I…” he continued to stare at the ground and then finally, after what felt like years, looked into your eyes. He looked like a broken man. “I can’t do this, (Y/N).” You shook your head, “What do you mean?” Your arms hanged loosely by your side, and you tapped your leg nervously. “I-She-I just can’t do…  _This_ ,” He moved his hand back and forth to signal you and him. He shook his head, “This isn’t working. This-This isn’t what I need.” You winced at his words; they stung like a million bee stings. 

You scrunched up your forehead and instantly became angry. “What do you mean this isn’t what you need?” You dropped your backpack and folded your arms. He stared at the bag now on the ground and closed his eyes to sigh. He couldn’t speak the words, so you decided to fill in the gap.

“I know about Lori.”

His head shot up and he stared right at you. “What?” He asked in disbelief. “I know she’s pregnant. I know about Shane. And if this is because of her, I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m gonna be really pissed.” He stared stone cold at you and didn’t move a muscle. “I have to be with her right now.” You looked at him questioningly and said, “Rick, now is our chance! Look what she did to you! This is your out!" He started to shake his head and you continued. "Look, you’re still gonna be there for your family, and for the baby. But let yourself have this one thing. Let yourself have us.”

You moved closer to rub a hand down his cheek then stopping to hold the scruffy face you've learned to love. He leaned into your hand and closed his eyes. “You’re not a bad father if you do this. You two are unhappy, and you both were unfaithful. Shit happens. Carl will understand eventually, and you don’t have to flash me around while this is fresh. Just… don’t leave me like this.” Your voice drops off at the end and his eyes open to meet yours. He moves closer and wraps one arm around your waist, and brings the other to your cheek. “I’m sorry. We’ll figure this out. I won’t leave you,” he leans in to give you a gentle kiss. “Promise?” you ask between kisses. “Promise” he states, kissing you one more time before moving his head back to look at you. He then leans his forehead against yours and whispers, “I could never leave you. No matter how much I tell myself that I could.” he states. You smile and whisper, “You're never getting rid of me."  
\--

You sat in the RV with your legs curled up to your chest, your head lying on your arms that rested on your knees. You stared out the window, watching the trees pass.

It reminded you of going on runs. You always admired the scenery.

You were on your way to Alexandria, and your stomach was full of knots. You didn’t know what was worse, going there to see Rick and Carl for them to be ripped from you yet again, or not see them at all.

It has been at least a month since you last saw them. You didn’t know what shape they were in. You knew Negan has visited a few times, and you knew they were taking supplies. But that was all. You weren’t given the specifics. “We’re takin’ their shit and that’s all you need to know.” Negan told you one night after you begged for information.

Dwight was sitting in the RV next to Negan as the dictator drove. Negan made a comment to you as you entered the RV saying, “Don’t you want to sit on daddy’s lap on the way there?” You ignored it and went straight to the back.

When he told you about this trip, you didn’t say anything. You just nodded. You had a mouthful waiting to spit out at him, but you didn’t want to rip away any chances of being able to go.

The RV came to a stop and you recognized the trees surrounding you. You memorized this town like the back of your hand.

You watched as Negan stood up and turned around to face you.

“Come on baby, time for you to give me a  _real_ tour, and one that includes your bedroom.” He winked and you gave him a blank stare, standing up from your seat. He moved out of your way as you left the RV and you felt his eyes on you the entire time.

A few familiar faces were outside the RV and they stared at you in disbelief. You swallowed feeling tears fill your eyes. You glanced around searching for the one person who could make you feel the slightest bit calmer.

“We weren’t expecting you for another week,” you heard a small voice say. You turn to see Olivia standing there looking horrified.

Negan laughed, swinging Lucille around a few times before setting her on the ground. “I am just full of surprises!” He says with a large smile. “Where’s Rick?” He asks and Olivia shakes her head.  “I don’t know. He left hours ago.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Negan glanced back at you and then to Olivia. He walked closer to her and asked, “And you just don’t have the slightest idea as to where he went?” His voice was low. Olivia shook her head fearfully and Negan turned around to you.

“(Y/N), I guess we have some time to kill. Time for you to give me the grand tour.”

You walked toward Negan hesitantly. His hand found your back again as you started to walk down the street.

“I want you to take me to your house. Show me where you and your boyfriend play house.”

You swallowed hard and headed toward the green house. You felt a tear fall down your cheek as you stared at it, memories flashing through your mind as you walk toward it.

You arrived at the steps of the house and you take a breath. You stare up at the windows and admire your home. You hear Negan clear his throat and your heart instantly starts to race, and your hands start shaking. You walk up to the large yellow front door to see it swing open, revealing Carl on the other side.

You breakout into a sob and grab him, wrapping your arms around him in a tight enclosure.

“(Y/N)” you hear him whisper, and you believe he may be crying too. Breaking the hug, you put your hands on Carl’s face. “Are you okay?” you ask him, and he gives you a small smile.

“I should be asking you that.” He says, and you hear Negan walk closer to the two of you.

“You don’t think I’m taking care of our girl?” Carl glares at Negan and doesn’t say a word. You feel a sense of relief that Carl knows when to stay silent just like you do.

Rick always struggled in that area.

“Why don’t you show me around your house? Show me your toys. I bet you got a shit load of Legos upstairs.” Negan laughs at Carl, giving him a smile. Carl glances at you and you nod, and he turns around to head back into the house.

Before you enter you feel Negan grab your arm and you feel his hot breath against your ear, his chest hard against your back.

“Don’t you dare touch him again.” He whispers before stepping in front of you, entering the house. You stood outside trying to keep your breathing at an even pace.

Another tear escaped your eye.

“Wow, isn’t this just a beauty!” Negan said, walking into the house. You followed him and glanced up the stairs, fearing the moment he decides to go up them, knowing exactly who is up there and who exactly you don’t want him to find.

“Marble counter tops? Are you fucking kidding me?” Negan says, walking over to the kitchen sink. He runs his hand across the marble and closes his eyes. He gets to the sink and leans down, turning on and off the water, seemingly amazed by it.

“And here I thought the Sanctuary was the best fucking place on earth.”

He stands up and looks around the kitchen. He starts opening the cabinets and gasping at all of the food. He grabs a pack of unopened spaghetti and holds it out. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?! Spaghetti! Wait, wait, wait," Negan walks over to the stove and turns it on, smiling as the metal rings on the stove top turned red. "This is fucking incredible. I could make spaghetti right now. Kid! You're makin' me a good meal later,"

Negan walks over to the fridge and opens it, staring at its contents. "Hmm, a bit sparse. What a shame." You rolled your eyes as you stood next to Carl. Usually when Carl was around, you'd stand behind him with your hands on his shoulders. By doing so, you felt like a protector. It was almost a habit now, half the time you didn't realize you were doing it.

Your hands were twitching.

Negan turns around to face you and Carl and says, “Show me upstairs! This is too good.” You are the first to walk toward the staircase, feeling your nerves in every part of your body.

You go towards Carl’s room and open the door, walking in, trying to do whatever you could to avoid  _that_ room.

“Holy shit, kid. You got it made!” Negan said, looking all around the room as he entered. Carl followed and looked at you, and you were unsure of your expression. Based on his reaction, you looked somewhere between fearful and anxious.

You saw Negan taking off his shoes and rubbing his feet on the carpet, and then wiggling his toes. He walks over and sets Lucille against the window panel and turns around to notice the dart board.

“Bingo!” He says, grabbing the arrows and standing back to throw a few.

As he did this, your breathing became heavier, and you slowly moved to look out the window.

You leaned against the wall and looked down toward the street. You saw a few people you knew talking frantically outside your house as other Saviors were gathering supplies. You saw Arat directing Saviors and you watched intently.

“Hell yeah!” You jumped at the sudden celebration and turned to see Negan standing there smiling at the dart board.

He turned to you and said, “Let’s continue.” He was halfway out the door before he stopped and said, "Kid, grab Lucille. Be careful, she's delicate." You watched Carl turn around and you avert your eyes to Negan, seeing him standing there waiting for you. You nodded and left the room.

Walking shortly down the hallway you reach your destination. You gripped the door handle and it felt like it was on fire. Your breathing was quick, and you felt your pulse bounding in your ears. You so desperately wanted to do this alone.

You opened the door and walked in, letting out a breath. You noticed the bed and saw Rick’s side messy, as yours remained untouched.

You slowly walked over to the dresser to see a few drawers sticking out, his clothing peeking through. You saw the basket of laundry held only his clothing.

You walked over to his side of the bed and saw something sticking out underneath the pillow. You grabbed it, glancing at Negan whose eyes were on you, and then to the object. You held it up to your eyes and saw it was a polaroid picture of you. It was a photo Glenn took one day without your knowledge. When you got word of it, you yelled at him to rip it up, but Rick took it from him before you could get your hands on it.

You cursed your emotions as you felt tears flowing freely down your cheeks, your face remaining expressionless. You put the picture back in its place and looked up to Negan.

“There’s nothing more to see here.” You whispered, and walked around the bed to leave.

He put a hand up to your chest to stop you from leaving and turned around to Carl.

“Kid, would you give us a moment?” Carl glanced at you and then back to Negan. He slowly turned around to leave while Negan walked to shut the door.

He turned around and made his way to the bed, sitting down. You stared at him, wanting to grab him and punch that smug face of his. He has no right to be sitting on your bed. In fact, he had no right to be anywhere in your house. But what power did you have?

He looked around, taking in your bedroom.

“So this is where you and Rick get…  _intimate_.” He whispered, and you stared at the floor.

You found comfort in the silence as you tried to control your breathing.

“Grab your clothes, necessities, whatever you need.” Your head shot up at him and your eyes were wide.

“Why?” You asked, your hands shaking by your sides.

“Well, because you won’t be coming back.”

You felt your heart drop. You had a large lump in your throat. Your hands were shaking and the room was spinning. You shook your head.  _No._  And then you remembered who was just down the hallway. You couldn't do anything right now to risk her life. 

You glanced to the closet where you had a duffle bag and walked over to grab it. You set it on the bed and turned to the closet to grab clothes.

“I’m going to tour the rest of the house while you pack.” He stated and you stopped moving.

You had to go with him.

Before you knew it, he was outside the bedroom and the door was closed. You ran to the door and listened.

“Let's continue, shall we?" You hear Negan say.

"What’s in this room?” Negan asked and your eyes grew wide.

“It’s just a water heater,” you hear Carl state quickly.

“Are you serious, kid? Come on.” You heard Negan mutter.

You hear a door being opened and you fling your door open as well, racing down the hallway to  _that_ room.

“Look at this little angel!" 

Your breath is fast and uneven, your palms are sweaty, and your face is wet with tears.

"Don't touch her!" you yell, running into the room and toward the crib to grab her. You push Negan out of the way and grab Judith out of the crib and kiss her cheeks and her head before resting her head below your chin. 

“Mommy,” Judith says as you hold her. You smile and close your eyes, taking in the moment.

You open your eyes to glare at Negan who looks dumbfounded.

“Well, I didn’t know she was  _yours_.” He says, folding his arms.

“There’s a lot of shit you don’t know.” You say in a low voice.

You two stare at each other for what feels like hours.

“Say, Carl, why don’t you make us some lemonade and we all sit on the porch like one big happy family. How does that sound?” Negan asks Judith, leaning down to put his face closer to hers. 

Carl looks at you and then leaves the room to head to the kitchen. You move your body so your back is to Negan and leave the room, the porch your destination.

\--

On the porch, you sit there staring at Negan not daring to look away for even a second. He was holding your daughter as she sits on his lap, a strange picture to see as the only other mans lap she sits on is her fathers. And though she may not be yours by blood, she is in every other sense of the word. You were there since day one, and took her into your arms as your own ever since.

The lemonade remains untouched except for Negan’s glass. Carl sits on the other side of Negan and you mentally beg for this man to go away so you could be with your family in peace.

“Rick’s here, sir.” You hear a savior yell toward the porch.

Your entire world started spinning again and you shot up from your seat.

“Take Judith for me, kid.” Negan says, as he stands and hands her over to Carl. You fight the urge to run off the porch in any direction just to find him.

Negan turns toward you, blocking the exit and puts his hands on either side of your face.

“Don’t even think about talking to him, touching him, hell, I don't even want you looking at him. But I'll let the last part slide.”

You felt like screaming.

He turned around and your cheeks felt red. You followed him like a dog. The two of you followed the savior toward the front of the gate.

You see a crowd of familiar people surrounding the gate but you weren’t registering their faces. Your eyes were frantically searching for the one person who mattered the most.

“Well, where is he?” Negan asks smiling, an excited look in his face. Your head is turning frantically from side to side, your eyes never giving up.

“Over there, sir.” The savior says pointing to your left.

Your head snaps to the left and there you see him, far off in the distance walking toward the crowd.

And you take off running.


	5. Blindness

_What it is and where it stops nobody knows_  
_You gave me a life I never chose_  
_I was the one with the world at my feet_  
_Got us a battle, leave it up to me_

You watch his movements carefully. He surveys the line of your friends and lands on someone. His eyes switch back and forth between you and the other. “Oh, I get it.” Negan states as he smiles. “You two are a thing,” He says as he moves the bat between the two of you. “Well, I’m shocked that you landed this fine piece of ass, Rick. Didn’t think you could nail a girl like this,” Negan walks over and bends down in front of you. You feel a gloved hand run down your cheek. You watch him turn his head toward _him_. “Does this bother you, Rick?” He asks, turning his attention back to you. You feel the hand run through your hair and you feel the urge to scream. Your gut is filled with knots and your breathing is quick. You see something moving to your left and you turn your head to see Rick thrashing against two people holding him down. “Don’t fucking move or pull any of that shit or I’ll kill her in two seconds.” Negan turns to you and sends you a wink.  
\--

/FLASHBACK/

“(Y/N), we can’t-“  
“Shut up, cowboy.” You say smiling up at Rick, who looked at you with excited eyes but an anxious face. You pulled him behind the barn and made sure you two were clear of anyone interrupting.

You knelt down and unbuckled his pants, shoving them down and admiring his hardness through his briefs. “My, my, what a pretty sight.” You say, running your hand along his length which earned a groan from him. “I wouldn’t call it pretty,” he said, chuckling.

You took his clothed member into your mouth which caused him to sigh heavily. You looked up at him and licked your lips before pulling down his briefs and watching his cock spring to life. You hummed in approval and wrapped your hand around it, licking the tip and staring up at his reaction. He stared right at you while running his hands through your hair.

You pumped him lazily while swirling your tongue around the tip. You then surprised him by swallowing most of him, causing him to groan and throw his head back. You bobbed your head a few times and then pulled back to avoid gagging. “(Y/N),” he breathed. You continued to work on him, pumping him with your hand as you sucked him back to front.

You started to hear him groan more and more and then you felt his hands grip your hair. You tasted him exploding in your mouth. You swallowed him whole while you heard him try and catch his breath.

You smirked and stood up, leaving him to collect himself. “Well, that didn’t last long,” you said. He moaned as he watched you lick your fingers and then your lips. “It’s been a while,” he whispered, out of breath.

You got close to his ear and whispered, “I like the sounds you make when you cum,” causing him to swallow hard.

You stood back and winked at him and started to walk away, leaving an astonished Rick behind. This wasn’t the first time you two have fooled around, but this was the first time either of you have gotten this far. And in the middle of the day in the wide open caused you both to become extremely excited. The risk of being caught is what thrilled you. It’s what made this relationship have such fire.

Two forbidden lovers trying to seek intimacy whenever possible so that when they do reunite it is an uncontrollable blaze. You walked away smiling. This is the man you’ve longed for. The man who did nothing but ignite you.

\--

_Him._

You made a bee line straight toward him.

You ignored the concerned faces or the yelling that you left behind.

You didn’t think you’ve ever ran so fast in your entire life.

His face becomes closer, his expression becomes clearer.

He’s crying.

You feel the wind in your hair and the breeze brushing your face.

You’re almost there.

You had tunnel vision. All you could see was him.

Your legs felt like they were going to give out on you. Your heart was beating hard and you felt as if it was going to fly right out of your chest.

And then you’re there. Where you’ve wanted to be for the longest time.

You run into him like an uncontrollable force. Almost knocking him down as you wrap your arms around his neck. His arms are held tightly around your back and your head is in the crook of his neck.

And you’re screaming.

Your uncontrollable sobs have no end in sight. You’ve never held him so tightly. You couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t think. All you could do was hold him, and cry harder than you ever had.

It felt so fucking good to be in his arms.

And then suddenly, you feel hands on your arms.

But they’re not his.

You can see Rick’s horrified expression, and then you’re on the ground.

You’re screaming again.

You feel your arms being restrained behind your back as Negan stands in front of you.

He looks like he’s thinking, and his eyes dart back and forth between you and Rick.

The only place you can look is into Rick’s eyes.

It’s been about a month and he looks like he’s aged twenty years. His worry lines around his eyes are deeper than the cracks on the desert surface. His eyes tell you he’s tired while his scent tells you he’s been drinking too much. His nervous hands tell a story of anxious nights that never subside and sleep that never comes. 

“Hmm,” you hear Negan say as he puts a hand onto his chin.

“Now this, this is unexpected.” you see Negan point to Rick with his bat. Your heart rate accelerates and you didn’t know it could speed up any faster. You wondered if you’d be sent into cardiac arrest.

Your hands shake from behind your back while sweat drips from your temple.

“Rick, how much do you value (Y/N)?”

Rick swallows while he stares at you. His hair is unkempt and his clothes are stained with sweat. Exhausted doesn’t even do him justice.

“Look, I-“

You hear Lucille being slammed on the ground and you let out an ear piercing scream.

“No, no, you’re gonna cut that shit out _right_ now.” Negan grumbles as he pulls out a red handkerchief out of his pocket. He walks over and shoves the red cotton into your mouth.

“I always wanted to gag you, but never like this," you hear him whisper in your ear. You don’t let up on your muffled screams.

He turns around to face Rick, blocking your vision. You try to fight the human restraints to no avail. You felt your vocal cords become weak and you let the silence consume you.

“Rick! Where have you been?! I can’t believe you kept your boyfriend waiting like this.” Negan smiles and walks around Rick. You and Rick lock eyes again, your eyes desperate.

“I was out gathering more supplies. We’re running low, I wanted enough for us and for you,” you hear his words drop off at the last word.

“What a generous man you are. You know what I was doing while you were gone? Playing house with dear (Y/N) here. And your daughter is a sweet little thing, I must say.” Negan says, and backs up to evaluate Rick’s face.

Rick stared at Negan in horror. You wouldn’t let anything happen to that little girl and Rick knew that. But still, Negan was an unpredictable man who changed his mind on a drop of a hat.

“We already took your shit. You’re right, wasn’t a lot. But it will do us some good. I’ll be back sometime soon, but I am not sure when. I am very spontaneous.” Negan says, giving Rick a smile.

You watch Negan walk closer to Rick and lean next to his ear, gripping his bat.

“How much do you value her life?”

He steps back to look at Rick and Rick stares at the ground.

Avoiding your gaze Rick whispers, “I would die for her.”

You’re screaming again. Negan is grinning from ear to ear.

You watch the bat raise and you’re thrashing against the men’s arms who are holding you. You feel their fingernails digging into your skin and you feel the warm blood trickle down your arm to meet your hands.

The men behind you stumble off balance due to your sudden strength. You fall face first onto the cement, your cheek smashing against the pavement. You spit the handkerchief out onto the ground and fight against them with more success this time. You feel their hands slips off of you.

You flip around so your back is flat on the earth and you kick the two men away from you. You push yourself up with your arms and your legs following.

Standing up, you turn and stare at Negan with a murderous glare. Your arms have dark red trails of blood on them, and your cheek is now sporting a few red droplets.

Negan stares at you and lowers his bat.

“Holy shit.” You hear him whisper. He puts up a hand to stop the men from moving to grab you again and you watch him walk closer.

He stands right in front of you and you watch his hand move desperately slow towards your face. You feel his dirty thumb wipe your cheek and you ignore the stinging feeling it left behind.

Negan starts to smirk and he turns around to look at Rick. Rick’s expression was the same as it was _that_ night. He looked powerless and desperate. His hands were twitching. You could tell he wanting to do something, anything to save you. But he knew he couldn't. He couldn't be the cost of anymore lives.

“It’s a good thing I like competition.” You hear Negan say.

He starts to walk toward the gate and beckons Rick to follow. Both men are in your line of vision but you’re only concentrating on one.

“Oh, before I go.” Negan says and turns around to look at Rick and then to you. He hands Rick Lucille and you watch him start to walk over to you and your heart rate picks up.

You couldn’t read his expression. Your head was spinning and it felt as if he was walking toward you in slow motion. One leg after another, every time his foot hit the ground you felt earthquakes rocking your entire body. Your legs were shaking. Your breathing was quick. Your sweat was dripping down your face onto your fresh wound.

You feel hands on both sides of your face and suddenly you feel lips on yours.

You stand there unmoving. You’re frozen in a statue like state. You feel his hands squeeze your face harder and harder and you wonder if it will a bruise.

“Ahh,” Negan says, pulling back and taking a large breath. He smiles at you and shakes his head, turning to face Rick.

“This? Right here?” He says, signaling to you. “She’s mine now. Remember that.”

He turns around to face you and says, “You won’t be seeing Rickypoo for a long time, princess.”

He walks over to Rick and takes Lucille out of his hand. You watch him lean toward Rick again and you grip your hands into fists.

He grips Rick's face with his gloved hand and you sneer.

“Remember, you’d die for her.”  Negan whispers. He takes a look at Lucille and smiles, tipping her toward Rick to signal goodbye.

He whistles at his men and suddenly you are being pulled toward the RV, the handkerchief being shoved over your mouth.

You stare at Rick horrified. His face is covered in rage.

They take you in front of the RV and push you inside. You look toward your right and out the windshield. You watch three men crowding around Rick. You see one man punch him in the stomach before the men holding you rip you away from the windshield and shove you in the back.

You screamed the whole way home.

\--

It had been two weeks since your last visit to Alexandria and you couldn’t rid yourself from the nightmares.

The strange men who shoved you into the RV literally dragged you to the health center. You felt a sharp pain in your arm and you whipped your head to the right to watch the doctor injecting you with some strange liquid and suddenly everything went black.

You woke up in your bed and felt the bandages on your arms and a large band-aid on your cheek. You checked the clock and saw it was 3 in the morning.

You had three rounds of panic attacks later that night into the morning and you lost your voice for a week.

Since then, you woke up multiple times a night attempting to scream and sweating profusely. A couple nights you found yourself waking up by scratching your wounds so hard you had to take multiple trips to the health center in the morning for them to be rebandaged.

Your sheets had drops of blood smeared over them.

Your thoughts were consumed by Rick and Negan’s men. You wondered what they did to him, what kind of torture he was being put through. Is he even still alive?

You’d rather have had his men beat you to pieces.

Negan didn’t come around for the past two weeks and you haven’t seen him since.

You’ve been consuming your days with work at the laundromat, constantly sewing, cutting, re-threading, drawing new ideas, trying to make more resistant clothing to handle the outside environment.

Sometimes you’d find your thoughts lingering to Rick and you’d have to unstitch five minutes worth of work.

While walking back to your bedroom, or Negan’s bedroom rather, you see a girl fly past you. You turn to look and identify her as Arat running past. You stare at her confused, wondering if there is an incident happening.

You decided to ignore it. It wasn't your problem.

You had too many of those.

Arriving at the bedroom you open the door to be greeted by Negan sitting on the bed, wearing his black rimmed glasses and reading a book.

You stand there for a moment in shock, and you evaluate if you should even come inside.

You see him glance up from his book and watch his mouth turn into a smile and you feel your fists turning white again.

“Come on darling, don’t be shy.”

You hesitate. He notices.

Closing the door, you still stay frozen in your spot.

He pats the bed next to you and you obey. You swallow hard as you half sit down on the bed.

“Closer.” He orders.

You stare at the floor as you move yourself to sit fully on the bed, moving your back against the headboard and spreading out your legs in front of you.

“How was your work day?” He asks you, and you closed your eyes and hummed.

“Fine.” You muttered.

“Make any fancy new clothes? The (Y/N) clothing special? Hot new designer here at the Sanctuary. A savior favorite.”

You ignored his small talk.

“Come on, at least nod or something.”

You sighed.

You heard him lick his lips and you knew he was thinking.

 “I want to have dinner with you tonight.”

Your eyes shot open and you stared at the ceiling.

 “You force me to eat with you every night.” You whispered, intertwining your fingers together and laying them on your stomach.

“I haven’t seen you in weeks, sweetheart.” You hear him mutter.

“Anyways, not like that. I mean a real dinner. Just let me show you.”

You turn to face him and you evaluate his soft expression.

Your eyes switch back and forth between his eyes and you try to read them.

“Your (E/C) eyes are so damn beautiful.” He whispers, and you roll your eyes and turn over, wanting to shake his words off of you.

He chuckles and says, “I like when you turn away, gives me a great view of your ass.”

You groan out loud and grab the covers underneath you and cover yourself.

\--

You were sitting at an elongated table with a cloth extending itself to cover its length. Two candles sat on each side of a bouquet of what you assumed to be fake flowers which sat in the middle.

You were on one side with a full plate of food and a large glass of red wine, while Negan was on the other. You stared at him with a blank expression.

He was shoveling food into his mouth and moaning with each bite. "God, this food is fucking delicious." He said with a full mouth of food. 

He swallowed and glanced up at you. “Come on, sweet pea. I cooked dinner for you.  The least thing you could do is take a sip of the damn wine,” he says staring at you. You grab the wine glass in front of you without breaking contact, and bring it to your lips. You throw your head back and close your eyes as you chug the entire contents, slamming the glass down and sighing loudly. You wiped your lips and continued to stare at him.

You watched as his fingers gripped the table cloth and he glared into your eyes.

You two were in a private dining room in one of the more upscale buildings. You didn’t know it existed, but it didn’t surprise you. There were a lot of things in this place you weren’t supposed to know about, but you had a plan to uncover it all.

“I try to do one fucking nice thing for you, and this is how you treat me?” He asks, standing up from his seat. He walks over to you and leans over the table, his face now within reach.

“What is your problem, (Y/N)? Huh? Don’t like fancy meals from the big man? You want to be treated like every other shit around here? Like you’re nothing? Because I can certainly do that.”

You two never broke eye contact as you took in what he said. Calculating your answer, you quiver your lip in a questioning stance.

“Interesting, as I already am treated like I’m nothing.”

Negan sneers at you as he pushes your plate off the table and you listen as it goes flying against the wall, smashing into a million pieces.

“Where the fuck do you come off saying you’re treated like you’re nothing? I’ve given you _my_ bedroom, given you a _stupidly_ easy job, glorious _top_ of the notch meals, a full fucking wardrobe. A wardrobe you didn’t need but I supplied because while you were supposed to be packing your shit, you were too busy humping Rick. What the fuck else do you want, kid?”

You’re the first one to break his gaze as you glance at your wine glass, now shattered on the floor. You desperately wished you had the entire bottle to chug, that would be the only way to talk to him without wanting to explode.

You move your eyes back to his and notice his face completely changed. He no longer looks angry, but a bit defeated.

“I want my family.” You stated, and you stood up to look at him at eye level.

He leaned closer to you. “I can be your family,” he whispers, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. So cliché, yet it made you melt every time Rick did it. When Negan performed the act, it made you want to cut off every single strand of hair you had. “You’ll never be them,” you whispered back, and quickly turned to leave the dining room. You could hear more dishes crashing as you left.

You were worried not giving Negan what he wanted would put your family at risk. But it was the only choice you had. If you fell into his trance, you’d never get out. He’d be the victor and would take everything from you.

But if you don’t, wouldn’t he do that anyways?

After running back to the bedroom you two so conveniently shared, you slammed the door and sat on the bed, bracing the explosion that was to come any second from the door.

You heard footsteps and expected the door to break open from his grip. Instead you were greeted by a door handle slowly turning, the door opening painstakingly slow. Negan peered his head in and looked at you. You stared at him expressionless.

He entered the room and closed the door. He raised his head up like he does when he’s about to bark orders but then moved it back down again, as if he thought asserting dominance wouldn’t be wise at a time like this.

“I get it. Your family means a lot to you,” he states while walking over to the other side of the bed. He stops in front of the window and stares outside.

“However, they do make me out to be worse of a man than I really am.” You shake your head even though he can’t see you. How could this man really believe he’s doing any good?

“They killed my men. And so many of them. I mean, shit, kid, your boy Daryl blew my men the fuck up. That’s some fucked up shit,” he says, turning around. He walks over and you feel the bed dip down to accommodate his weight.

“All I did was kill two of your people. For all of those men. I think that’s more than fair. Generous, even,” you scuff at his words and rub your hands down your face. You shake your head and look at him in the eyes. “Why did you take me?” you ask quietly.

He leans more toward you on the bed and your thighs start touching. “You infatuate me. Ever since I laid eyes on you,” he says, glancing from your eyes to your lips. Your breath starts to become uneven from the close contact.

“And I knew I could protect you better than he ever could,” he stated, you knowing exactly what _he_ was referring to.

You leaned back away from him and digested his words.

“What did you do to him?” You ask, trying to use your voice but hearing it crack.

“Oh, I just roughed him up a bit. Harmless. Someone had to pay for what you did.”

You stared at him in disbelief.

“You’re a monster.” You whispered.

Negan’s eyes did not for a second leave yours.

“Be honest, was he really protecting you? He looks like he’s losing his mind. And so easily he gave up his power. He let you be taken, (Y/N).”

You start to shake your head and then he continues, “Find another man that can have a huge fucking place filled with people protecting you, because you won’t. This is the safest you’ll ever fucking be in this entire world.”

Before you know it he moves closer to you again. His breath feels like a sauna against your neck. His moves his head up and his lips are inches away from yours. He leans in  and you brace yourself. You feel his arms reach beside you.

Suddenly, the table light is turned off.

“Goodnight, (Y/N).” he whispers, and then you feel the dip of the bed spring back to normal and he’s out the door.


	6. Possibility

_So tell me when my sorrows over_  
_You're the reason why I'm closed_  
_Tell me when you hear me falling_  
_There's a possibility it wouldn't show_  
 

Hands were grabbing you from behind, dragging you away from your kneeling spot. You were thrashing and screaming as Negan stood there grinning. Suddenly you were being picked up and thrown into the back of a truck. You head slams against the bottom and you scurry to pick yourself up with your legs, your arms still tied. “RICK!” You screamed. Your throat burned. He kneeled there, without saying a word, just staring in your direction with an exasperated face. He was fidgeting, trying to stand then sitting back down, glancing between you and Negan continuously. Doors were suddenly in your line of vision as they closed on you, breaking your eye contact with the only person who has kept you sane. You screamed until you passed out.  
\--

/FLASHBACK/

You took another drag from the cigarette you nagged off of Daryl and let the smoke blow out in front of you. You took a deep breath in, closing your eyes and admiring the summer air. You were leaning against a tree near edge of the farm trying to collect your thoughts.

“Who do you think you are?” A voice said to your left. You knew who it was without even looking. You glanced over and saw a distraught looking Lori walking toward you. Her long brunette hair looking disheveled as she heaved with her hands on her hips. She looked like a man on a mission, and you knew exactly what she was after.

“What do you want Lori?” You asked in a monotone voice, taking another puff of the cigarette. You never used to smoke. Actually, you were very against it. Learning about the damages of smoking made you hate the cancer sticks. However, you weren’t very concerned with lung cancer right now when you had walkers to worry about. And the cigarettes did provide a temporary relief. You quickly understood why Daryl requested them so much when on runs, and he just merely nodded when you started asking for them too. That being said, you had to smoke them out of sight of Rick or else he’d rip them out of your mouth so fast and scold you like a child stealing candy.

“You know exactly what I want. What do you think you’re doing with Rick?” She asked, not moving from her believed to be heroic stance.  You shook your head, “What do you mean? We go on runs, he comes to me for advice, what do you think we’re doing?” You ask, giving her a confused look. You knew exactly what she meant, and but you didn’t want to just admit it.

“You’re not just going on runs, (Y/N). You two are always sneaking off to do God knows what. I see how you two act around each other. You always pulling him away to whisper something in his ear or you two just going on runs and not requesting anyone else’s help. And he always has an excuse to touch you, now doesn’t he?” Lori walks a little further toward you and you stare right into her eyes.

“Then why aren’t you asking him these questions? He’s the one touching me, isn’t he?” You ask, waiting for a reply.  
“What I talk about with my _husband_ is my business. Not yours. You stay away from him. I know what you’ve got up your sleeve, and I want to make it perfectly clear that he is a married man.”

You look up into the sky as if you’re questioning something, and then look back at her. “Well, what if he requests me on these runs? What if he turns to me for advice on something? I mean, I am a part of this group. I do have a say.”

Lori strides to stand right in front of you, only a few inches apart. “You listen to me, and you listen clearly. He has a wife, and a son. You will not take that away from us.” You take a last drag of your cigarette and let it fall to the ground, and blow the remaining smoke in her face. “Interesting, coming from a _wife_ pregnant with another man’s child.”

Lori stood there staring at you bewildered as you walk away, head held high in your victory. You weren’t happy about what you did or what you said, but you knew what you and Rick had was more serious than just long glances and him requesting you on runs. This has been a relationship building for almost a year, as his and Lori’s had been disintegrating since.

You knew better than to rip a man away from his family, but you weren’t the only one at fault. Lori has been cheating on Rick for god knows how long. This was a long time coming, so you told yourself. You weren’t proud of your actions. You weren’t proud about begging Rick not to leave you. But you were proud of being with him.

In all honesty, Rick was the love of your life. And nobody was going to get in the way of that.  
\--

You sat on the steps of a building and watched the people go about their day in front of you. Everyone looked as if they were deep in thought, trying to work out a difficult problem that had no solution in sight. You wondered if being in the Sanctuary had anything to do with that.

The Sanctuary was a very different place from Alexandria. Actually, it was a very different place in general. You’ve been “captured” before; you’ve come across “towns” that tried to mimic this place. But none of them actually had success in doing so. Negan had such a large following of men who were loyal to him and you wondered how he obtained that. But then again, you thought of yourself. How easily you can be manipulated by this man. How his words wrap around you like a cloud of smoke, into your lungs and burning your chest. You breathe him in before you know you’re doing it, and then suddenly you’re choking for air. You can’t stop it. You can’t change it. You just have to learn how to play the game.

Arat approached the steps and you stood up to walk toward her. You were about to start your morning run. You’ve been working out with her for about two weeks now, but it wasn’t an easy task to be allowed to do so.

_“I just saw Arat run past me again for the fifth time, is there something going on?” You asked Negan, walking over to the empty side of the bed and laying your head on the pillow._

_“She likes to work out.” He muttered, turning a page in his book._

_You nodded, taking this information into consideration._

_“What if I worked out with her?”_

_Negan turned his eyes to you and looked at you suspiciously._

_“You want to work out?” He asked, staring at your body._

_You glared at him and rolled your eyes. “Yes, I do. All I do is go to work, sit, come here, sit. I need to be active. I used to go on runs almost daily. I was fast. I want to stay that way.”_

_He looked at you questioningly._

_“What? I work out with her in the morning, go to work afterwards. I always stay late at work regardless.”_

_Shaking his head, he closes his book. “No.”_

_“What? Why?!” You raise your voice and sit up in the bed to stare at him._

_“I don’t like you being where I can’t monitor you. I don’t want you running around this place like a mad woman. And you don’t need to work out; you won't be going on any runs ever again.”_

_Ignoring the sting in your chest you shook your head quickly, “No, you’ll see me. You see Arat run, don’t you? You have people that watch, right? I don’t know, maybe you don’t. I’m assuming you have people that watch every angle of this place. They’ll see me?”_

_You evaluate his face and take his expression as a confirmation._

_“I’ll just be with her. We run, and then I go to work. I stay late at work every day anyways. I’ll still get my job done. Nothing for you to be concerned about. I need to be active for me. Not for safety anymore.”_

_He stared in your direction and you gave him sad eyes. “Please?”_

_“I like it when you beg,” he grumbles and you groan._

_“Will you ever have a normal conversation with me for a second without trying to make it extremely uncomfortable?”_

_He chuckles and nods, “I’ll talk to her about it. No promises, she doesn’t like people much.”_

She made you run three miles every other day. Following the runs, she focused on strength exercises. Not having a standard gym made it challenging, but Arat was smart and used substitutes around the Sanctuary in place of certain equipment. You enjoyed these workouts. You felt yourself becoming stronger again, gaining back the strength you had before you were captured.  It made you reminisce on your early mornings with Michonne, her kicking your butt and you loving every minute of it. This gave you another purpose. It was another activity to get your mind off of things.

But that’s not why you begged Negan to let you do this.

Arat greeted you with a small wave and you half smiled, walking towards the front of a red building which was always your starting point. Usually, you two ran around the Sanctuary a number of times before Arat’s watch beeped to signal that you were done.

Today would be a bit different.

Arat looked at you and set her watch and nodded, her curly blond strand bobbing against her forehead. She signaled to start and you two ran off into the town. The duo casually ran throughout the Sanctuary while passing by workers and trying to dodge them.

Your first couple runs with her were awkward, you and her just running side by side with no music to help drown out your heavy breathing. You hardly knew her. You were introduced to her once and just saw her around a couple of times. You knew she was a part of Negan’s “Bitches” but you didn’t know to what extent. She surprised you, however. You weren’t as fast as you used to be, and you found yourself dragging behind her. Instead of her ignoring you, she paced herself back to match your speed. You found this action charming in a way, as it was not one you expected her to do.

Today, you had a burst of energy. You made yourself go to bed early the night before to prepare. You two were running next to each other as you’ve been doing, but you took a breath and prepared for what was to happen next.

You started to run faster and noticed Arat was keeping up. Picking up speed you were flying down the pathways, passing strangers and trying to keep your breathing even. You saw a familiar corner coming up and ran toward it. You sprinted past the buildings, around the corner, and through a narrow passageway. Once you were hidden in the shadow of the two buildings you turned around toward the street. You watched as Arat sprinted by. Putting a hand on your chest to try and catch your breath, you slowly crept out of the alleyway. You took at the strangers faces and noticed that nobody was paying any attention to you. Nodding, you started to run again.

The silver fence was shining in the sunlight and you cursed the sky. Not one cloud in sight today. It made your vision clear but your body overheated. You passed this fence each time you ran, and with every run you made sure to take in every detail that you could without being suspicious. You started by running extra slow as you passed, surveying the state of the metal fence and the trees behind it to try and locate the building. Once you realized you needed more time, you started to think of other ideas. One time you had to tie your shoe just so coincidentally in front of this part of the fence. Another time you just ran out of breath and needed a water break. These stops didn’t gain you with much information while also irritating Arat, and you ended up giving up on them. One day you decided not to stop. You eyed the metal barricade angrily until you noticed a squirrel run across it toward the far right. There was a building beside you that hid the part of the fence the squirrel was aiming toward. The little creature ran until it was almost obsolete from your vision and you watched as it crawled underneath the fence. You saw the opening and you smiled to yourself and quickly looked away.

Currently, you were nearing the barbed wire jail cell and you quickened your pace. You were hoping you mentally mapped this out correctly. From where you were standing, it just looked as if you were surrounded by trees and if you went under this fence, you were just escaping into the forest. But from the tower, you noticed it was more of a maze. Behind this part of the fence led you into yet another fenced in area, except this area contained a building far from sight. And who was inside that building was your goal.

You quickly turned the corner and suddenly you were at the broken fence. You looked to your left and were sure you were hidden from any wandering eyes. To your right the fence extended toward the forest before it wrapped behind the building. You knelt down and crawled through the opening, thankful your tank top didn’t snag itself on any pieces of broken metal.

Picking yourself up from your army crawl you stayed low and kept to the right, not wanting to be seen by anyone back at the Sanctuary. Running through the trees and feeling the shrubs rub against your legs; you slowed as you got closer.

In your line a vision appeared a large gray building surrounded by an old parking lot. You ducked down behind a tree as you surveyed the building. It was without many windows, and the ones it did have were seemingly old and foggy. Squinting your eyes to focus, you noticed a large gray double door that stood connected to the building with a keypad on the outside of it.  You saw two guards standing outside of the doors chatting and holding large guns. You slowly moved down the row of trees to get a look at the back of the building, staying low out of sight. There you saw a single door with no keypad but a padlock and no guard.

Nodding to yourself you left, keeping yourself close to the ground as you hurried back to the fence. You checked for anyone and crawled back under.

You peeked your head around the corner of the building and saw a few faces wandering around going about their business. You walked out into the sun while keeping your eyes on them. After they didn’t even look up to acknowledge your presence, you continued your run.

Heading back to the red building where you started, you found a distraught looking Arat.

“Where the fuck did you go?” She asked angrily, walking closer to you.

“I sprinted ahead! I was surprised you didn’t catch me. I guess you we just lost each other; I just kept running in circles.” You said out of breath, shrugging your shoulders.

She stared at you through judgmental eyes and evaluated your face.

“Let’s go,” she says, walking away from you. You followed to continue the day’s exercise, your eyes a bit brighter with your new information.

\--

The rest of your day went per usual, but you had some lingering anxiety electrifying your nerves. What if someone saw you hiding in the alleyway? What if they saw you crawling under the fence? What if it gets back to Negan? How would you defend yourself?

No longer having your work day to keep your thoughts at bay they were starting to run mad. You brushed them off as you walked toward the dining hall. Negan was meeting you there as he usually did, and you two would eat together in a separate room of the hall away from the crowd.

You eyed the dining hall as you slowly walked toward it. The sun was lowering and the buildings were starting to glow a shade of dark orange as their shadows started to grow. You sighed at the thought of the sunset. It was once something you admired so much but now it was just a reminder of the upcoming meal you had to spend with Negan.

You are startled out of your thoughts as you notice a man push himself off of a building nearby and walk toward you. Glancing at him and to the dining hall, you were slightly concerned. You weren’t close enough to your destination, which was thankfully highly populated around meal time.

The figure starts to become closer to you and you start to pick up your pace. You glanced around and didn’t see anyone in sight, figuring they were either inside eating or inside their homes.

Just as you were about to enter, you watch him step in front of you, blocking the doors to the hall.

“Where you goin’, sweetheart?” You hear the man ask with his raspy voice. His black hair covered parts of his face as it reached down to his chin and looked greasy and unwashed. He reeked of tobacco and alcohol. He was taller than you and you noticed his arm muscles were significantly larger than yours.

You stepped to your left and he stepped over too, continuing to block the entrance.

“Move.” You stated sternly.

“Awe, don’t be like that. Just talk to me,” He started to move toward you and you backed up.

“Get away from me.” You glared at him and he just smiled. He walked toward you again and you quickly turned around. You were about to start running but felt hands on your arms pulling you back. He shoved you in front of him and turned your body to the left and down the nearby alleyway. He was pushing you into the darkness as you were thrashing against him.

You felt him shove you against the wall, the cool brick scratching your back. You started screaming and he punched your jaw. He pinned your arms above your head and pushed his hips against yours, locking you between the wall and him. “I’ve been noticin’ you runnin’ around here. I’ve been watchin’. I think we could have a little fun,” You felt his scruffy beard rub against your cheek and you started to scream again.

He moved his right arm to hold both of your wrists against the wall as his left came down to cover your mouth.

 “Do you want to die today?” He asked. “Scream again and that’s where you’re headin’.”

You stared into his eyes with a frightful look. You felt him grind his hips against yours and you felt his hardness. You felt yourself becoming nauseous.

His hand left your mouth and reached down to grope your breast. You squirmed against him and struggled underneath his weight. You turn your head to the left and looked down the alley to be greeted with a vacant street.

He moved his hand down to grope you over your pants and you screamed for help yet again. This time he punched you in the nose. Your eyes watered and your vision was blurry as you felt blood trickle down onto your lips.

“What the fuck did I just say?” He asks, his voice becoming angry.

You spit onto his face and you noticed him grimace and shut his eyes.

“Fuck!” He muttered, his free hand reaching up to rub his eyes. You use this free moment you push your hips against his free yourself of his pinning weight.

You bring your knee up and slam it against his crotch. He lets go of your hands to bend over, moaning in pain from the contact of your knee against his pelvic area. You push him away from you and run down the alleyway screaming.

You look back for a second to see him regain himself and turn toward you. Your eyes grow in fear and you feel yourself running into a solid figure.

You feel hands on your arms and you thrash against them, continuing to scream.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)! What are you doing?!” You feel the grip tighten on your arms and you recognize the voice. You stop fighting and look up to see Negan staring at you horrified.

“What happened to you?” He asked, taking his right hand to move his fingers against your swollen jaw lightly.

You caught your breath and pointed down the alleyway.

Negan peers down the alleyway and nods. He looks back at you and let’s go of your arm. He walks past you and down the alley but it but its too dark for you to see, and his body disappears.

You look around and you see a few concerned looking faces, but the streets were still sparse of people. The sun had disappeared the sky was glowing a dark blue in the twilight.

Suddenly Negan reappears out of the alleyway, his hand holding the back of the rapist's shirt as he drags him along. Negan throws the man on the ground in front of you and kneels down.

You notice Dwight showing up along with a few other saviors. You glance at them and then to the man on the floor. Feeling something wet you rub your nose and jump at the pain. You look down at your fingers to see bright red blood and you wipe them against your pants.

“Were you touching her?” Negan asks, leaning down so his face is dangerously close to the man’s.

“No, no I wasn’t. I don’t-“

Negan’s fist makes contact with the man’s face. “You know, there’s one thing in this world I can’t stand, and that is fucking liars. Now, I’m going to ask you again if you value your life. Were you touching her?”

You see the man tremble as he nods. He’s hunched over, his hands covering his privates. His cheek growing red and inflamed.

Negan smiled to himself and nodded, punching him in the eye. Negan stands up and shakes his hand out. “Son of a bitch got stronger bones than I would’ve thought, lookin’ like a fucking homeless man.”

You swallow hard as Negan points to Lucille in Dwight’s hand and signals for it. Dwight hands him the bat and Negan looks down at the man.

“What is your name, dear sir?” Negan asks.

“Greg.” The man barely mutters out.

“What’s the number one rule we have here, Gregory?” Negan asks. Greg chokes out a response, “We don’t rape.”

Negan nods, “Right! We don’t rape. I am so glad you remembered. Gold star for you!”

Suddenly, the bat came crashing down on the stranger’s side. You gasped and looked away, listening as Greg screams out in pain.

“You see, not only did you break the most important fucking rule here, you tried to break it with _my_ girl. You tried to rape her, and, in attempting so, you damaged that pretty face of hers. Big mistake,” Negan says as he slams the bat down again, this time aiming for the head. Blood splattered across Negan’s face and his clothes, his white t-shirt now becoming stained. There was a small puddle of blood underneath Greg’s head.

A crowd formed around Negan and he straightened his back to face the crowd.

“Let this be a lesson to all of you. Nobody touches (Y/N). Nobody harms her. Or this,” Negan says as he points at the man with the tip of Lucille, “will be your future.”

You turn your body back and peek through your hands and watch as Negan turns around and walks closer to Greg's head.

“Having to rape a girl because nobody else will fuck you? Why, that’s pretty fucking pathetic. You know, I pity you.” Negan says, as his picks up his foot and slams it down on the man’s head, crushing the remains.

“But not that much.”

Negan looks up and closes his eyes, taking a big breath. “Dwight! Clean this shit up,” he states and hands Dwight Lucille. He turns around and glances around the crowd to find you.

You were already gone.

\--

You heard the door open to the bedroom and you didn’t remove your head from your hands. You were trying to control your breathing but it didn’t seem to be working. Your hands were tingling, your feet were numb, and you knew what to expect next.

The feeling of panic washed over you and you were hyperventilating. Feeling tears escape your eyes you accept the feeling of impending doom that crept into your body and nestled itself in the crevices of your nerves.

“(Y/N),” you hear a voice whisper. You jump and your head flies up to see Negan walking cautiously toward you. His face was free of any blood and his t shirt was swapped from the red stained white one to a clean black one.

“You’re okay,” you hear him whisper. You dig your fingernails into your thighs leaving crescent moon shaped dents. 

You shake your head as he becomes closer, your breathing now erratic.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” He says, continuing to walk toward you. You shut your eyes tight and feel a sob escape your lips.

“Please,” you whisper.

Suddenly, you feel arms wrap around your back and you feel yourself being pressed against his chest. You weakly tried to fight against him before giving up.

A hand moves up and down your back in a soothing motion. Your vision went blurry and you collapse into his arms.

You come down from your panic and catch your breath, the feeling the fear leaving your body at a painfully slow rate.

“I’m sorry,” you hear him whisper and you close your eyes. If you ever questioned why your emotions were all over the place before, now you wouldn’t question it again. It was moments like these that really messed with your head.

“I won’t let anyone else fucking touch you again.” Negan vowed, and you pushed yourself up to look at him.

“It wasn’t the first time.” You whispered, and he looked at you questioningly.

“I’ve had worse. That’s not what triggered me.”

Negan looked toward the floor and then changed his expression from confused to realization.

“I did it for you.” He told you, and you shook your head.

He wrapped his arms around you again and you tried to rid yourself of him but remained unsuccessful. Instead, Negan lied down on the bed and guided you toward him. He laid your body next to his and gently pushed your head onto his chest.

You didn’t have any energy to resist; after spending the evening fighting you felt your exhausted, panic ridden body start to drift into unconsciousness and you fell into a deep sleep.


	7. Toes

_Oh, you capture my attention_  
_I’m anticipating_  
_I’m watching, I’m waiting_  
_For you to make your move._

Kissing Judith on the cheek you set her down in the crib. You sigh as you watch her lay onto the mattress, closing her eyes for the night. You set the crib mobile and watch it start to spin, playing a soft musical tone. Exiting the room you turn out the light, leaving a night light on in the corner. You walked downstairs and settle on the couch, grabbing a book to keep you company before Rick gets back. Suddenly you hear a loud fist banging on the door and you race to answer it, fearing the noise will wake Judith. Opening the door you're greeted by two men with large guns. Before you can react, they're grabbing the back of your arms and shoving a cloth over your mouth. You tried to fight, you tried to scream. Your vision quickly faded to darkness.

\--

/FLASHBACK/

_No one can make it alone now._

You couldn’t stop crying. Rick’s arms embraced you as you clung to his chest. She was your best friend. You leaned on her for everything: from girl advice, to boyfriend advice, to advice about surviving. She taught you about losing someone important and how to handle yourself afterword. She taught you how to keep on living in a world filled with the walking dead, especially when the only option you thought you had left was to become one of them. And now she was gone.  
  
_I just didn't want anyone to die._

How could one man cause all of this? Andrea was more than just a sister to you. She was the first one to welcome you when you joined the group. She was there when you first met Rick. You went with her to downtown Atlanta to retrieve Daryl’s brother, and Rick watched in amusement as you two raided the jewelry counter in the department store. It was the first time you let yourself have some fun and not focus on the horror surrounding you. She knew about your infatuation with Rick and you gave her updates about it along the way. She was so encouraging yet so reserved to make sure she didn’t make any decisions for you, but led you in the right direction.  
  
_I can do it myself. I have to. While I still can._

Her chest no longer rose up and down.

_Please? I know how the safety works._

A disgusting man who believes he should be in control of everyone took her life. How could she fall for him? This man wanted nothing but power; he didn’t think about her for a second. But she thought about him, and look where it got her. Did she expect him to change his ways? To become a different person, just for her? Once an evil dictator, always an evil dictator.  
  
These men have a vast need to always be in control. That’s a theme that has always been in your life. You learned there’s a difference between being leader and a dictator. Rick, you viewed as a leader. He let everyone make decisions and viewed each of them carefully. His goal is to keep his group safe and supplied for. A dictator didn’t let anyone else have a say. No one gets an opinion; it’s the dictator’s way or you’re dead.

The Governor wanted Andrea dead.  
  
_I tried.  
Yeah, you did. You did._

Here, you vowed, to never let another dictator control your life or your family again. No matter what it takes, you will put a stop to it. Nobody else has to die for someone else’s power trip. You promised Andrea that much.

_I love you, Andy._

  
\--

  
It was early in the morning. The sun was just peeking through the trees and the earth was not yet thaw from the night time frost. You took these morning walks to clear your head; appreciating the empty Sanctuary. It always amazed you how vacant the streets could be in the early hours. Before the breakout, you would walk the pavement in your city before the sun would rise. Whether you were walking for peace or walking to work, you always admired the calmness in the air. People were at home snug in their bed or scurrying around their bedroom trying to prepare for the day as you roamed the streets trying to find yourself.

Things don’t seem to be much different now.

Your footsteps feel heavy as you try and wake up from your nights rest. Your dreams of Rick have been making you startle awake in a pool of sweat, gasping for air. You find yourself searching the bed for him in a daze, instantly realizing why his body is not next to yours. You haven’t had a good night of sleep since before you were kidnapped. Your dreams are always plagued by the idea of you running toward Rick, over and over again, but him never within arm’s reach. No matter how fast you run Rick was never achievable. Negan stood behind you grinning ear to ear.

It is exhausting.

You decided to make your way to the dining hall. Your body shuddered at the memory of the man whom you learned to call Greg.  He tried to have you that night but instead Negan sent him to the grave.

You couldn’t wrap your head around it.

Looking all around you for any human threats, you made your way inside the hall.

Workers were setting up for breakfast. Chafing dishes lined the long tables that were pressed up against the walls. A buffet style of food, but you quickly realized the different between the two areas. On one side of the room there was a large variety of food: scrambled eggs, muffins, waffles, bagels, the list went on and on. The other side wasn’t so lucky. It had two pots filled with oatmeal and small cups of yogurt. You shook your head and sighed.

You start to make your way to the more generous aisle of food. Grabbing a bagel, you rip a piece off of it and put it into your mouth. To the left you notice a figure coming into vision and you whip your head to see a woman storming toward you wearing an apron and a hair net.

“Come with me.” She whispers harshly, and before you can say anything she’s grabbing your arm and pulling you into the hallway. Your bagel is dropped and forgotten.

She pushed you through the double doors and into the hallway where you’re semi-familiar with. At the end of the hallway leads to the private room you and Negan always share for meals. The woman pulls in front of a door labeled “SUPPLY CLOSET”. She opens the door and tightens her grip on your arm and tries to pull you inside.

“No, no I’m not going in there with you.”

The woman looks at you with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry, it’s probably weird for me to do this. But this is the only place that’s unlocked that we can talk in private. I can’t leave this building because I’m on duty.”

You narrow your eyes and study her face. You realize who she is.

_One of the wives._

"I just really need to talk to you." She sighs.

Nodding slowly you walk inside the closet knowing it was a bad idea. You hear the door shut behind you and you turn around you face her.

Suddenly, you feel hands gripping your shoulders. She whips you around so your back is against the closet door.

 “What the fuck are you doing?” You yell, picking up your knee to hit her in the stomach before she dodges you. She reaches behind her back and pulls out a knife.

“Don’t even think about it.” She warns, and you stare at her in the eyes. She pinned you against the door while flashing you her knife.

 _Why is everyone trying to kill me?_   You asked yourself.

Why was she here? Did she finally beg for a job like you did? Why was she after you?

You stared at the knife that she held in front of you. She had murder written in her eyes, and you didn’t understand what you did to deserve this kind of attention.

“What is your problem?” You ask her, lowering your voice a little. You didn’t want to set her off.  
  
Being stabbed wouldn’t be the most shocking thing that’s ever happened to you, but it was definitely something you wanted to avoid. Your jaw wasn’t healed quite yet from the nasty blow Greg gave you. Your nose finally didn’t ache every time you touched it. You didn’t need any more injuries. You’ve endured worst, but why go through that agony when you didn’t have to?

 “My problem? Ha, so happy you asked, _princess_ ,” her words were dripping with venom. She took the knife and gently rubbed it down your cheek.

“You see, someone came to town and thought she owned the fucking place. Things were real good before you came. I had my own place, my own clothes, shit, everything I could ever want I had. All I had to do was ask.”

The knife moved down your cheek to your neck and she laughed half-heartedly as she traced your neck with the tip of the knife.

“Until princess came into play, and everything was _ripped_ from me.” The sliced your neck only the tiniest bit and you squeezed your eyes shut. It stung like hell and you had nothing to defend yourself with. You looked in the corner of your eyes trying to find something nearby that you could use as a weapon, but you were stranded. Any sudden movements and you foresaw the knife slicing your throat and your life ending before you.  
  
You weren’t in the mood to die today.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you whisper, your hands sweating at your sides.

She gives you a sadistic smile and continues.

“Oh, don’t you know? Negan got rid of _us._ ” You scrunched your forehead up at her words.

“What?” you whispered, your voice turning hoarse.

“That’s right, sweetheart. He no longer wants _us._ And now I’m stuck here, making food for the entire fucking place, only being allowed three day old oatmeal. All. Because. Of you.”

The knife slices your neck even more and you feel blood trickle down. You gasp at the pain.

“I didn’t make him do that.” You state, your voice so small.

She grinned widely, “That’s the best part. You didn't have to _ask_ ,”

Just as she was about to dig the knife deeper the closet door opened and you stumbled backward, the pressure of the knife leaving your neck and giving you the chance to breathe again.

“I-what’s going on here?” A voice asks and you turn to see another kitchen worker standing there with a confused look on her face.

“Nothing.” The wife, or ex-wife apparently, states. You step back and give her space to leave and she glares at you as she exits. You touch your neck and look at your fingers, seeing bright red blood covering them. You felt like you had deja-vu. 

Walking back into the closet and fall to your knees and accidently end up knocking some things over, muttering “shit” the process.

Overwhelmed by the experience, you regain your composure and quickly stand up to race out of the closet, running past the kitchen worker who was staring at you, concerned.

You left the dining hall as you suddenly lost your appetite.

\--

The room was suddenly dark; the only light illuminating your desk came from your desk lamp and the small light on the sewing machine. You’ve made numerous amounts of clothing today, doubling the days quota. You didn’t even realize everyone went home and you’ve been in an empty room. You’ve been alone with your thoughts all day, and they were racing. The only thing keeping you preoccupied was the clothing in front of you. _Typical._ You always found yourself here, over making clothing and trying to put your mind at ease. Will it ever end?

You heard someone clear their throat and you jump while looking up from your station. “Hi there,” Negan says, with his hands behind his back. You continue to stare at him while your hands stay put on the machine. He walks over to the station next to yours and pulls out a chair. “May I?” he asks before sitting. You nod and he takes a seat in the blue plastic chair.

“You were supposed to end your day at three.” He states. You swallow and nod, “Yeah, I lost track of time I guess.” You glanced at your watch and were taken aback when it read 7:24PM. Negan hummed and cocked his head to the side.  
  
 “A lot on your mind?” You brushed his question off with a small nod. You turned back to your machine and continued to sew. You didn’t want him here. You didn’t want the questions, the conversation. You just wanted to be left alone to do your work.

This was the only thing that made sense. Sewing. You knew how to sew. You knew the mechanics of it. No emotions or second guesses or other people were involved. Just you and the fabric.

“I heard what happened this morning.” He states in a low voice. You stopped the machine immediately and glanced at him quickly before returning your gaze back to the machine. You absent mindedly played with fabric, rubbing it between your fingers. You felt a hand on your back and felt his presence move closer.

“Let me see,” he whispers, and you feel fingers on your chin, pushing your head upwards for him to get a look at your neck.

Earlier that day you went to the clinic and they cleaned your wound and bandaged it with no questions asked. You were grateful for that, however, once you got to work you ripped the bandages off as they got in the way of you moving your head down to concentrate on your work.

You feel his fingers brush the now forming scabs and you wince.

 He removes his fingers and leans back, evaluating your face.

“I took care of her, you know.” You stare at him with a horrified look and he shook his head. “Not like that.” You let out a breath and nod.

“She was the angriest one out of all of them.” He says, and you laugh sarcastically and look him in the eyes.

“No, you’re kidding.” You say and he smiles.

“Everyone’s out to get me,” you huff and give him a small smile.

“Yeah, we’re gonna put an end to that really fucking quick.” Negan stated as his expression changed into a glare.

You stare at each other for a moment of silence as you take in his words.

“What did you do?” You whisper and his eyes fall.

He looks to the floor and then to his hands and then back up to you. He swallows and takes a breath.

“I got rid of them.”

You shake your head, “What does that entail, exactly?”

He studies your face before continuing. “I told them our marriage is over. They could stay where they are and they would still be treated the same, but with less exquisiteness. Normal clothes, normal food. They still don’t have to work, until Vanessa over there opened her big mouth and got herself a job in the kitchen.”

You stared at him and squinted your eyes, not entirely believing what he was telling you.

“Why would you do that?”

You watch him lean closer to you and you freeze. His brings his lips up to your ear and you feel his hot breath against your skin.

“Someone found it sickening,” he whispers. He leans back and gives you a smile before excusing himself and leaving the building.

You watch him leave, dumbfounded.


	8. Gun

_Take a good swing at me_  
_And everything is even_  
_So finally, we agree_  
_No place for promises here_  
_You better run, you better run_  
_I will be a gun, and it's you I'll come for_

  
Strangers warned us. The stand offs with men demanding our guns warned us. Running through the forest with nothing but deceased walkers warned us. This was a long time coming. Could it have been prevented? Were we big enough to prevent it? The rope that bound my wrists scratched my skin as a female leaned down in front of me. “We gave your group chance after chance. You didn’t take it. And for that, you’ll pay.” 

\--

/FLASHBACK/

“I wish I was a bird," you slurred as you danced through the hallways of the prison.

"Hope you don't mean a damn parakeet. Those fuckers don't shut up." Daryl said, taking another swig of the bottle.

You and Daryl went on a run together today and ended up raiding a store which had quite the selection of liquor. You both have been drunk since you got back but have been keeping a low profile, not wanting to run the risk of anyone ruining your fun. You were stuck in a hallway underneath the prison, free from wandering eyes and interrupting walkers.

"Mm no, I don't wanna be in a cage or someone's pet. I wanna fly high up in the air, untouchable! I could go anywhere!" you yell with your arms extended out wide above your head. Your bottle of vodka spilled at your movements and you heard the liquid splashing onto the floor. Smiling to yourself you closed your eyes and put your head back, imagining the freedom you could have.

Daryl just chuckled and shook his head while you walked over for another swig of his drink. “You got your own,” he muttered as you grabbed the bottle. “Yeah? Now I want some of yours. Tough.” You took one large gulp and handed it back to him. You take out a cigarette and hand one to him. You pop one in your mouth and light it before passing the lighter to Daryl.

"I used to have a pet bird. Until I went away on a school trip and Merle set the damn thing free." You rolled your eyes at the memory of his brother. Not a man you liked to associate with, and quite frankly, you thought he was a shit brother.

"Ah, the one good deed Merle did. Too bad it was a favor for the bird and not you."

Suddenly, you hear footsteps walking down the hallway. Daryl quickly stands and aims his crossbow down the dark corridor as you stand there swaying, glad to have Daryl to take care of things.

"It's just me," a familiar southern voice says and you stomach instantly flips. Rick continues down the hallway and stands in front of the two of you with his hands on his hips.

"Have you both been drinking since you got back?" He asked, walking over and grabbing your cigarette and dropping on the floor to smash it with his foot. He glared at you and you frowned.

"That was rude.” you say while wrapping your arms around his neck. He instinctively wrapped his arms around your waist and you leaned in for a kiss.

"I missed you, baby." you said, shocking Rick at the pet name. You rarely called him anything other than his name so he assumes it's the alcohol talking.

"On that note, i'm goin' to bed. Night," Daryl says and exits down the hallway.

“Awe, bye best friend!” You yell over Rick’s shoulder and Daryl sends you a small wave.

"I'm kinda hurt you ditched me for Vladimir," Rick says, gesturing to the cheap vodka bottle now abandoned on the floor.

"Mm you could be, but you don't know how wild drunk (Y/N) can get." You said suggestively and run your hands across the front of his pants. He groans and leans in to kiss you. You kiss him back passionately and bring your hand up to stroke his cheek.

"You know, ignore me because I’m drunk, but I love you so fucking much. Like seriously. What would I do without you? Who knows? Not me. You're so fucking perfect. And sexy.  Especially sexy,” you end your speech by kissing him on the lips and you notice he’s smiling. He stops between kisses to tell you how much he loves you too.

You two then spent the night in the hallway screaming and proving your love to each other over and over again.  
\--  
  
 It was the middle of the night and you were admiring the moon. You stared up at the sky and saw about a thousand stars. One good thing about the apocalypse is when all the lights go out and the pollution stops, the night sky really has a chance to shine bright.

You were hidden in between two narrow buildings and had a hard time fitting between them. Your shoulders touched each wall while you were snuck back into the shadows waiting for your chance.

For the past two weeks you’ve been memorizing the guard’s routines like clockwork. They only came out at night, and you wondered if that was because it seemed like a prime time to escape or attack. They circled the Sanctuary holding their guns like this is some high alert facility.

In a way, I guess it is.

You knew your time was coming as you watched the one guard pass by you for the seventh time that night. Knowing to wait a few moments, your window to leave would be open.

Gripping your thighs you took a breath, taking one last look at the moon before you slowly peaked your head out of the crevice. Turning your head to the right you watched the guard continue to walk down the moon lit path. With not a cloud in sight the orbit of light shown down illuminating the town.

You longed for the days you and Rick would lie in the grass admiring the moon.

Turning your head to your left you saw an empty road, and figured now was the time. Crouching down low you scurried down the dirt path toward your destination, staying as close to the buildings as possible.

A shadow in the distance appeared and you took cover in-between another set of buildings, your back against the wall. You caught your breath and realized you were breathing heavily.

Peaking your head out again and seeing no one in sight, you figured you were in the clear and continued.

The broken fence came into your line of vision and you scurried toward it. Once you reached the metal barrier you checked all positions again to make sure nobody was around.

Having the confirmation of being alone, you lied on your stomach and crawled below the fence through the opening.  
  
Staying crouched you ran through the trees until you were close enough to the gray building. You passed by the front of it see one light glowing above the double doors while two guards stood by. Running toward the back you were relieved to see a door remaining dark and stranded. You were thankful the building was surrounded by a concrete parking lot. It gave you enough distance from the woods to stay hidden and quiet.

Taking a breath and nodding to yourself, you started to quietly hurry toward it. Once your feet hit the pavement your heart felt as if it was going to burst out of your chest. You ran on the tips of your toes to avoid making any more noise.

Finally reaching your destination you sighed, feeling slightly relieved as your body was now in the shadows. You pulled the small pliers out of your back pocket and said a small thank you to Vanessa. If she didn’t corner you in that supply closet you wouldn’t have seen the pliers lying on the ground. Your stunt of you falling to your knees gave you a chance to snag them while the kitchen worker stared at your neck.

You steadied the pliers against the padlock and squeezed, watching the metal break in two. You grabbed the broken lock before it could hit the ground. Your heart was beating loudly in your ears and you were covered with sweat.

Pocketing the lock and the pliers, you slowly opened the door. Weary of any noises the old door could make you took your time. Thankfully, you were met with a dark room. You entered and shut the door behind you.

Pulling out a small flashlight you found in Negan’s room you flicked the switch to give you a sense of vision. You were in what looked like a doctor's office. You glanced around the place for a moment looking for a weapon but to no avail. An examination table sat in the center of the room while a few counters lined the walls. You briefly checked the drawers but found nothing inside of them.

You walked toward the door opposite of you and noticed the light pouring in from underneath of it. Putting your cheek up against the cold surface you listened for any movement, but didn’t hear a sound.

Slowly opening the door, you stuck your head through. The walls were a dark concrete while old industrial style lights hung from the ceiling. You looked down the large hallway in front of you and didn’t see anyone in sight.

Sticking your head out a little further, you saw the large hallway extending itself from the left and to the right, both empty.

You quietly left the examination room and shut the door behind you. You decided to go left and crept down the hallway.

You reached the end and kept your back against the wall while you peered over your right shoulder. You see large metal doors lined up next to each other down the left side of the hallway. You could hear faint sounds of coughing and that gave you the confirmation you needed.

As you were about to turn the corner you felt a hand grab your arm and you gasped, whipping your head around to be met with a man you quickly registered as Dwight.

“What the fuck are you doing here? How the hell did you get in here?” He whispers, his voice harsh and raspy.

“I know Daryl is in one of those rooms and I need to see him.” You state, glaring at him intently.

Dwight shook his head, “No. I have to tell Negan about this and you have to get out of here.”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head, “Stop being such a little bitch. Is that what you enjoy? Being Negan’s bitch?”

Dwight studies your face and answers, “Apparently you enjoy it, too.”

You shake your head, “I’m not here voluntarily.”

“And who says I am?” You both stare at each other until you hear footsteps coming from your left. Dwight grabs you and pulls you into one of the nearby closets. You swear to yourself. _I’ve gotta stop letting people drag me inside these damn things._

“Listen, you’re new, so I get it. Trying to rebel against him like you can take him down. You can’t. You have to leave.”

“Do you know what it’s like? Being ripped away from your family? Because I haven’t seen them in months, and Daryl has been locked in there like some fucking serial killer.”

Dwight smiles at no one in particular and brings his gaze back to you.

“Haven’t you seen my fucking face? Don’t talk to me about being ripped away from your loved ones.”

You both remained quiet for a few moments while you both caught your breath.

“What happened?” You whispered.

You saw him shake his head, the only light shining inside the closet coming from underneath the door.

“Sherry. _My wife_.”

And then it clicked.

Staring at Dwight’s scarred face you wondered if Rick had the same fate, and your blood started to boil.

“No, no, I’m not letting anything happen to Rick. I can’t. I won’t.”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down. You don’t know who you’re dealing with. This isn’t just some tough guy who wants to be king. He’s smart. He knows how to play the game. He isn’t one to be messed with.”

You squinted your eyes and stared evenly into Dwight’s.

“And if you had the chance to go back and do it again, wouldn’t you have fought harder?”

Dwight didn’t answer and continued you stare at you.

“All I’m asking for is a few moments to see Daryl. You can lock me in there while we talk. We will be quiet. And then you can grab me out of there and I’ll be gone before anyone sees me. Please.” Your last word came out more estranged than you wanted it to.

“Fuck,” Dwight says, and opens the door. He checks down both hallways making sure nobody is around, and signals you to come.

You both walk halfway down the hallway before he stops in front of one of the large metal doors to unlock it. He looks to you and shakes his head while he opens it slightly. You run inside and watch the light escape the room as the door shuts behind you.

You pull out your flashlight and shine it around the room, finding Daryl huddled in a corner being blinded by the light and moving his hand up to block the penetrating flashlight.

“Hi there, D.” you whisper, and you watch as his eyes grow wide.

“(Y/N)?”

You crouch down beside him and turned the light off.

“Hi,” You whisper, feeling his arms reach out to embrace you. You hold him back and you two stay embraced for what seems like an eternity. His warm skin felt nice against yours and your head falls on his shoulder.

You break the hug and put your hands on his face. “How are you doing in here?” You whisper.

“Fine.” He states and you can hear the sadness in his voice.

“Wait, are you naked?” You ask, feeling his bare arms and chest.

“Yeah.”

You scrunch your forehead up in confusion. “Why?”

“I dunno.”

“Huh, I got to second base without even trying.” That comment earned a small chuckle from Daryl and your stomach warmed.

“What are you doing in here? Do they let you out?”

“Yeah. I do some work around the place. I’ve seen you out.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “You have been in the same vicinity as me and I missed you?”

He shook his head and you lowered your hands, “I stayed hidden. I knew if you saw me you’d make a big deal which would just end up bein’ trouble for you. I’m fine.”

You sigh and place your head on his shoulder again.

“Is he hurtin’ you?” you hear Daryl ask, and the question barely comes out as a whisper.

“Not physically.” you reply, “But I can’t say the same for the others. I haven’t seen them in so long.”

You both sit in silence for a while, his arm around your waist while your head rests on his shoulder. You close your eyes for a moment and praise Dwight for this moment of affection. You had about a hundred questions to ask him, but all you could do was sit and admire is presence.

“I’m going to find a way to get us out of here.” You whisper, and you feel his hand rub your back.

“Be careful. Don’t be pullin’ any of that stupid shit you like to do thinkin’ that you’re some kind of badass.”

You chuckle and look up at him, “I am a bad ass, no thanks to you.”

“All thanks to me.” You hear a door open and see Dwight staring at you and you nod. You kiss Daryl on the cheek and whisper, “I love you, D.”

And with that, you leave the room and listen as Dwight shuts it again and locks it. You gave Dwight a thankful look and start to walk down the hallway together.

“You know, Negan got rid of his wives.”

Dwight gave you a fake amused expression while you continued.

“That’s good news for you, yeah?”

Giving you a sarcastic laugh, Dwight stopped his movements. He turned to you and shook his head.

“You don’t get it, do you? I’ll never be able to be with her again. What’s his is his forever. Even if he’s not using it.” He glares at you and you take in his words.

You both look at each other with wide eyes as you hear voices approaching. He grabs your arm and leads you down the opposite direction of the hallway, past Daryl’s door and around the corner.

 “Somebody’s coming. This place is like a circle. You have to go around and wait for them to pass, then you can leave. Where did you come from?"

"Some examination room down that hall."

"Got it. Wait for them to pass, then head toward it. Be careful. I’ll stay on watch for you.”

“Thank you for doing this.” you whisper before taking off. He grabs your arm again and you turn to face him.

“Don’t let Rick turn out like me.”

Nodding at his words, you start to sneak your way down the hallway. Your back grazed the wall and you met the end of the hallway. You peered around your right shoulder yet again and glanced down a new dark hall. There were single doors with a small square window in them that lined the wall, looking almost like a grade school hallway.

You turned the corner and walked down it, glancing into one of the rooms. Something caught your eye and you walked up to one of the doors, staring inside the window. There were test tubes, needles, long clear prongs, and large equipment that you couldn’t recognize that filled the inside. There was a large refrigerator with a glass door with filled test tubes that contained a dark red liquid. You wondered if blood was inside them. Your thoughts were racing as you tried to figure out what this room was utilized for.

 “Come on, now!”  You turn to your right and you see Dwight at the end of the hall signaling for you. You scurry down and he grabs your arm again. He looks down each end of the hallway and nods, bringing you back to the door you came from. You hear the men’s voices coming from the hall where Daryl’s room is, and you let out a breath knowing you are in the clear. You open the door and hear it shut behind you, collecting yourself for a moment in the dark examination room.

Nodding to yourself and taking a large breath, you exit the building.

\--

Leaving the laundry mat, you started to walk toward your bedroom. You stayed well past your time and skipped dinner.

You couldn’t get your mind off of Daryl. Were they feeding him? What jobs were they making him do? Did he sleep in that cell every night? Has he been in there since the beginning?

Your thoughts pestered you all day which left you exhausted. You had to throw away three garments due to your mind being unable to focus.

Reaching the bedroom you entered, hearing it close softly behind you. You plop yourself on the bed face down and then gasp as you felt yourself colliding with a solid mass.

“Well hello there princess,” you hear Negan’s voice and look up to see him giving you a cheeky grin.

You roll over to the empty space next to him and sigh. You feel the bed dip has he turns over to face you.

“Long day at the office?” he asks, setting his book down.

“Something like that.” You whisper, and you feel his eyes on you as you stare up at the ceiling.

You turn your eyes to his and take a breath. “Are you hurting my family?” you ask, your voice uneven.

His eyes gaze into yours and you watch his face soften.

“No.” he states. You feel a tear escape your eye and you watch his hand come up to your cheek, wiping the salt water away.

Your mind was burning with questions for him but you knew you couldn’t ask him anything. His suspicions would rise as well as his anger, and it was best left for you to try and find out these facts on your own.

Pulling yourself up on the bed into a sitting position you rubbed your eyes.

“Why should I trust you?” You asked your hands as you heard him sigh next to you.

“That’s a funny thing to ask a man who just got rid of his wives for you.”

You swallowed and shut your eyes.

“Guess I’m just taking your word for it?” you asked.

“I guess so.”

The silence in the room filled the air and it was becoming hard to breathe.

“Well, I’d like to go to bed now.” you stated, and turned your head to watch his expression.

“It’s not even late!” He said, bewildered.

“I’d like to unwind with a nice book and go to bed early, alright?” You tell him, annoyed.

“Okay.” He states, moving to lay on his back while picking up the book on his lap and turning the page.

You stare at him confused, watching him continue to read his novel.

“What are you doing?”

He looks up at you with a confused look and nods, “Oh, you’re right.”

You watch him stand up from the bed and pull the covers back. He slips his legs under the sheets and lays himself back down on the mattress. Picking up his book again, he resumes his reading.

You continue to stare at him in disbelief. You clear your throat and he looks at you again.

“No more wives, remember? Daddy’s gotta sleep somewhere.”

You feel your heart start to race as you sink onto the pillows.

“Crap, I forgot to take my jeans off. I only sleep in my boxers, is that gonna bother you?”

This was going to be a long night.


	9. Stuck On You

_You're everywhere inside my room_   
_Even when I'm alone_   
_I hear your mellow drone_   
_You're everywhere inside of me_

  
“We’ve got a Maggie and a (Y/N). I’m thinking that’s something you wanna chat about?” You hear the lady ask over the walkie talkie. Rick’s strained voice is quiet on the other line and your heart drops as soon as you hear him speak. You glance at Maggie and notice she wears the same worried look as you. You were thankful to have her here with you. You held your breath as you remembered the Governor stealing the two of you away. It bothered you so much that the two of you were always targets. The easiest way to crawl under someone's skin is to put their loved ones in danger. A weak tactic, you thought, but a tactic that works. And this time, you weren’t sure if any saving was going to be done. You weren’t sure if anyone was going to make it out alive.

\--

/FLASHBACK/

“Unfair!” Carl yelled as you stood there laughing. You saw Rick come out of the house with a smile on his face and his hands on his hips. You saw Carl turn to him and point at you, “She’s cheating. Do something!” His words caused you to laugh more.

It was an innocent moment. A moment to allow yourself to be vulnerable and to allow Carl to be himself. It was so important to you to let him have these moments.

Growing up in an apocalypse must be hell. Being a teenager alone is hell, let alone feeling the need to protect your family and watch your back at all times. You collected yourself and smiled and said, “Okay, again, I won’t cheat this time I promise.” Carl looked at you with an unsure face and nodded.

You collected your foam bullets and resumed your spots to restart the game. You were playing with nerf guns, which seemed hilarious in hindsight. You stood behind your makeshift barricade and stood up to shoot. He hit you right in the chest with a foam bullet. You quickly ducked and started to laugh, “You missed!” You heard Carl groan and scream, “See Dad, she’s cheating!” Rick laughed and walked over to your crouched figure and shook his head, “Oh yeah, she definitely cheated. I’ll take her place,” he reached out to you to take your hand and help you up.

You looked at him and acted offended while handing over the gun. He smirked and leaned over to kiss you. Kissing him back, you gave up your gun and walked away without first smacking him on the rear end. “Kick his ass, Carl.” Carl smiled and nodded, “I’m on it.”

You went inside to retrieve Judith from her nap. Slowly opening the door to her bedroom you saw her laying there quietly, staring up at her musical mobile. “Good afternoon baby girl,” you cooed. You picked her up gently and kissed her cheek. Taking her down the hallway you stopped in front of the window to watch Rick and Carl play against each other on the street. You smiled and sighed.

You were so content. The domesticated life is a life you didn’t know you wanted, and didn’t think you’d have. Everyone you loved at this moment was safe and happy and living a relatively normal life in Alexandria. This was everything.

\--

Leaning over the bed, you vomit for the fifth time within the hour.

Negan hasn’t left the room all morning. He’s barked orders at so many different people. Strangers have been in and out of you room constantly and you weren’t sure why or what they were doing. You didn’t care, either. You were too sick to comprehend anything.

You started to feel nauseous the day before. Throwing up a mile into your run with Arat you decided to cut the workout short. You weren’t up for dinner but that didn’t surprise you until you suddenly became freezing. Inside your bedroom you were fully clothed and shaking. The extra blankets that covered you were not providing you with any extra warmth.

The stomach pains woke you up around four in the morning. You were tossing and turning and sweating profusely. Negan tried to make you take some layers off and you shook your head, still feeling cold.

You continued to throw up as the sun rose. Someone came in and took your vitals and made you take medicine. You believed it to be the clinic doctor, but you couldn’t be sure. You were in and out of consciousness too quickly to keep your reality straight.

You felt a hand snake around your waist and rub your stomach and you moan. It felt good to have a warm presence there. The aching pains of your stomach were becoming unbearable. You’ve been moaning in pain the entire morning, so moaning in pleasure was a new sensation to you.

The hand left your stomach and you heard the door shut, or open. You moved your hand across your stomach and started to rub it in circles.

“How are you feeling?”

You open your eyes to see a man standing in front of the window. He’s looking outside. The moon illuminates the room and part of his body. The night sky confused you as you could’ve sworn it was just morning, but you decided to ignore the confusion and feel yourself be comforted by the calmness of the night. The man turns around to face you and you smile at him.

Rick.

“I’m better now.” you whisper, and you watch his grin grow. He walks over to the bed and sits down next to you, moving his hand down your face and resting it on your cheek.

“I’ve missed you.” You whisper, closing your eyes at his touch and the warmth that his body gives you.

“I know.”

You open your eyes and grab his free hand, lacing your fingers through his and holding it tightly.

“I never stop thinking about you, you know that?” He says in a low tone.

You nod slowly.

He leans down and whispers into your ear, “Don’t give up on me.”

Moving back he looks into your eyes. You smile and bite your lip. “I would never.”

Suddenly he’s close and pressing his lips to yours. He stops to gaze into your eyes before deepening the kiss, causing you to moan. You feel his tongue slide across your lips and you let him gain access.

You feel his lips move toward your neck and you moan, “Rick,”

Suddenly, you feel cold again. You open your eyes to find nobody above you. You watch the curtains around the window blow in the wind, and you notice the blue sky outside.

You were sicker than you thought.

\--

The vomiting became worse. Bile and blood were a violent mix that escaped your mouth. You gripped the pillow as your body convulsed, trying to rid itself of something inside of you that didn’t belong.

Negan paced the room as a man evaluated you.

You were moved into what looked like a hospital room, figuring it must be another wing to the clinic. The nasal cannula filled your nose as oxygen dried your nostrils. Machines were beeping next to you and saw an IV hooked up to your arm. It shocked you that this advanced medicine still exists and that Negan has access to it, but then again, it is Negan. Nothing should surprise you at this point. Your eyes followed the IV tube and you noticed a bag hanging from the IV pole. You wondered what was being pumped into you.

“No change.” The doctor states, and you hear Negan growl. He stops in his tracks and glares at the man with the white lab coat.

“What the fuck do you mean no change?”

The man who you presumed to be your doctor picked up a binder and started to write inside of it. “The medicine is not strong enough to combat whatever is attacking her. We’ll have to move on to more extreme therapy.”

The doctor finishes his writing and closes the binder and looks at Negan.

“I have a few stronger antibiotics and steroids in the back. I’ll evaluate what I have and decide the best course of action.”

The doctor was about to leave and Negan turned around and said, “Hey, doc.”

Negan walked closer as the doctor turned around to meet his eyes.

“Is this… do we need…”

The doctor shook his head, “As of right now, no. It’s not that.”

Negan nodded and watched the doctor leave and turned his attention back to you.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

You didn’t move or say a word, but you followed him with your eyes as he walked closer to you. He took a seat in a chair that was sat next to your bed.

“You’re gonna be just fine.” You hear him say, and you watch as his hand covers yours.

A girl walks in and you watch her walk over to the opposite side of your bed. She has a syringe in her gloved hands and she grabs a free port connected to your IV.

“Just relax, honey. This is just some medicine to help with the pain.” You hear her say, and you watch as she pushes the syringe into your IV. Your vision started to fade and the last words you heard were, “I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

\--

Resting peacefully with your hands by your sides, you start to hear a noise from the hallway. Negan ordered a few what you presumed to be nurses to stay outside the room if you needed anything. Your right hand kept the call button in grip and you pushed it anytime you felt the urge to throw up.

Hearing more muffled noises you try to sit up in your bed. You instantly moan at the pain which now spread throughout your whole body. Resting your upper half on your elbows, you catch your breath, feeling the sweat drip down your forehead.

You tried to lean forward to look out the window that connected your room to the hallway, but it was too dark to see. Pressing your call button, you lie back down on the pillow and close your eyes in defeat.

The noises started to become louder and clearer. Becoming anxious, you pressed the button again. The noises turned into moans, and you realized what could be coming down the hallway.

Pushing yourself to sit up in the bed you threw the call button off the bed and moaned in pain. You placed your hand over your stomach and felt a few tears escape your eye. Hearing the moans becoming closer to your door you started to panic.

Gripping the railing to your right, you slide down the bed and swing your legs off of it. Placing your bare feet on the cold tile floor you glance at your hospital gown which had spots of dried blood on it. Bracing yourself, your hand squeezed the railing and you stand up.

Feeling off balanced and becoming light headed, you stood there trying to control your swaying body. Hearing the machine next to you start to beep rapidly you open your eyes and glare at them. Looking down you realize you’re still attached to the IV and a pulse ox.

Your hand touches the tubing lightly. Swallowing hard, you rip out the IV and wince in pain. You watch the IV tubing spill whatever liquid was being pumped into you now spill onto the floor, and your IV site now bleeding freely down your arm. You rip the pulse ox off your finger and hear it bounce on the floor.

You take the nasal cannula out of your nose and leave it on the bed. Feeling unsteady, you grab the IV pole and decide to take it with you for support. The pole wheeled its way next to you as you slowly limped your way to the door.

Opening the door, you peaked out to the right and saw walkers heading their way toward your room. You looked in front of you to the counter where the nurses were usually sat, but you didn’t see anyone in sight. The hallway was dark with only a few lights flickering in the ceiling.  
  
Gasping, you gripped the pole and walked out of the room and toward the left. There you saw a door at the end of the hallway with a large red “EXIT” sign above it. You sighed in relief and stumbled your way toward it.

You heard their moans become louder, and you tried to limp a little faster. The pole was squeaking its way next to you as your knuckles turned white from your tight grip. Your left hand was holding your stomach as you made your way to your escape.

You felt fingertips lightly scrape your back and you tried to scream, but your voice is almost gone, raw from your sore throat.

Reaching the exit you open the door with two hands, leaving your IV pole abandoned inside. Grabbing the railing you try to make your way down the concrete steps. It was darker than the usual night time, and you strained your eyes to try to see.

Losing your balance, you fell down a couple of stairs as you desperately held onto the railing for dear life. Reaching the bottom of the steps you stood up to limp into the darkness.

“With me! Run, (Y/N)!” You see a man in front of you beckoning you to follow him, and you notice his cowboy hat.

“Wait!”

“(Y/N), come on! They’re waiting for you!”

You try to limp towards him but your legs keep giving out. Each time your hands hit the dirt you try to scream in pain trying to stand back up.

Feeling hands grab your arms you tried to scream again, but this time, you were screaming for somebody.

“RICK!”  
  
You watched him keep running in the distance as you felt a pinch in your thigh. Your body was becoming limp. Falling to the floor once again, this time, you were staying there. You glare at the syringe now stuck in your thigh. Your blurred vision was becoming black as your body started to lie down on the dirt ground. The moans became silent, and you became unconscious.

\--

The soft sheets felt heavenly against your sore legs. You were warm. Whatever your were laying on was very comfortable, and your head felt as if it was laying on a cloud. Slowly opening your eyes, you become adjusted to the light. The window was open and you looked out to see the trees standing still. The bright sun shone over them giving them a bright green appearance. You watched a couple of birds fly past the window and you sighed.

Realizing where you were, you turned to head to the left to be met with Negan whose eyes were already on you.

“Good morning, princess.” He says, his legs extending in front of him as he lays against the headboard.

You look him in the eyes and then back out the window, remaining confused as to why you were here and not at the clinic.

 “You have had quite a night, let me tell you.”

Memories come flooding back to you and your eyes grow wide.

“You kept screaming about walkers but, guess what? There wasn’t any!” He laughs and you feel the vibrations of his body shake the bed. You stare at him with a horrified look as you try to process what he’s saying.

“What?” you whisper. His face turns from an amused expression to serious as he stares down at you.

“You were hallucinating. You seem to be doing that a lot lately.”

“Hallucinating?” You asked, your voice cracking. You tried to swallow but found your mouth dry, your throat feeling like sandpaper.

Negan nodded at you. “Yeah. There were no walkers. The nurses called me screaming saying you were psychotic, yelling that they didn’t sign up to take care of a psych patient. Don’t worry, I punished them well for that comment.” He smirks at you and you continue to stare.

“The doctor gave you new medicine which you apparently didn’t agree with, judging by your hallucinations. You were doing that before, but doc said it was because of your high fever.”

Trying to sit up you groaned in pain, and you instantly remembered the struggles from the night before. How could have it all been fake?

“Careful, careful.” You hear Negan’s words and feel his hands on your back, trying to help you sit up.

You rested your back on the headboard behind you and caught your breath. Feeling something in your throat you bring your hand up to your mouth and cough. Your hand now felt wet and you figured you coughed up some mucus. Removing your hand from your mouth you stared at it, and noticed blood covered your palm.

“This is bad,” you whisper. Negan hands you a tissue and shakes his head.

“It’s not that bad, kid. You reacted shittily to the medicine but it worked.”

You stare at the bandage on your right arm where your IV site used to be. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath trying to process it all.

“We still have a few other meds to try on you, but listen. There’s one in particular I think would get rid of this shit completely.”

You turned your head to his and stared at him with hooded eyes.

“What is it?”

“It doesn’t have a name yet, we just called it med X. The scientists here developed it.”

Hearing him talk about scientists made you think of the lab you saw in the gray building where Daryl resides.

“You have scientists?” You whisper, as you imagine men in lab coats circling that room with clip boards and safety glasses on.

“Yeah, I do.” Negan responds, folding his arms on his lap.

“Why?”

“For shit like this. Gonna run out of medicine sometime.”

You look around the room without actually taking in your surroundings. You were trying to wrap your head around the fact that modern science can still exist in a world like this.

“Is that the only reason?” You whisper.

You stare at Negan and watch him look at you for a moment, judging your expression.

“No.” he states. You nod, understanding what he means.

“Do I have it?”

He shakes his head before saying, “No. You’re not turning.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Negan cleared his throat and glared at you.

“Because my guys know how to test for that shit, and you don’t have it, alright?”

You slowly look to the ground, not appreciating his harsh tone.

“Do you have medicine for that?”

Afraid of his answer, he shakes his head, and you let out a breath of relief.

“No, I don’t. Not yet. But soon, I swear I will. But I have powerful shit that I think could really help you.”

Scrunching up your forehead you stare at him in disbelief.

“Wait a minute, you have scientists and presumably an extensive lab to try and find a cure? And to recreate other medicines in case you run out?”

Negan grins widely at you, “Precisely.”

“Bullshit.” You state and his grin turns into a frown.

“Oh princess, I’d show you, but it’s top secret. Don’t worry, we don’t test on animals.” He gives you a mischievous grin and you think of where the lab is located. Right down the hall form where Daryl is.

 “I don’t want the medicine.” You say, shaking your head.

“(Y/N),” Negan whines.

“No, Negan! I don’t want it. I don’t know who you’re using as test subjects. For all I know, my entire family could be in there and you could be testing god knows what on them.”

“You think I’d really do that?” Negan asks, raising his voice.

“Who knows what the hell you’re capable of?” You try to raise your voice and end up coughing, and Negan rids himself of his angered expression to grab you more tissues. He wraps his hand around your waist and you fling your head back to rest it on the headboard.

“We’ll start with whatever the doctor has, and if that doesn’t work, you’re taking the damn medicine. You don’t have a choice.”

“What if I don’t want to get better?”

“Shut up.” Negan says in a dark voice. Shutting your eyes you feel his grip tighten around your waist.

“Here.” You open your eyes and look down to see a water bottle in front of you. You grab it and try to drink some of the liquid without coughing.

Looking at Negan’s side of the bed you notice a book on his lap. Reading the cover, you chuckle.

“I didn’t know you read poetry.” You said, taking another sip of the water.

“There’s a lot of shit you don’t know.” Negan stated, giving you a small smile. You instantly remembered you mimicking those words to him the day he met Judith.

You sat there in a moment of silence and you listened to the birds chirping outside your window. You closed your eyes and sighed, taking in the temporary peacefulness.

“Tell me about her.” You hear Negan say in a low voice.

“Who?” You ask, searching your brain for the particular person he was interested about.

“Judith.”

You felt your blood run cold.

“No.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because it’s not any of your business!” Your raised voice made you start coughing again and you groaned in annoyance.

“Okay, okay, fine. We’ll save that for another day.”

You shot him a look.

“Let’s… let me tell you about mine.”

“Yours?”

You watched him nod and you slowly turned yourself over to face him.

He bit his lip and stared at his hands.

“There’s a reason my bats named Lucille.”

You waited for him to continue and watched his pained expression.

“I had a wife. Mary, was her name. I was married. Way before this shit hole started. She was hot, like, fucking smoking. We dated for a while and I knew, she’s the only ass I wanted every night.”

You scuffed and rolled your eyes thinking of his “wives”.

“Hey, no smart ass remarks.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“I heard your noise, and I bet my ass you rolled your eyes.”

You moved your eyes from him in defeat.

“Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, smoking hot. We got married and shit. Small wedding, my family was ass and hers were ‘too religious’. They caught us fucking one night before we were married and ‘shunned’ her.

Anyways, a few years into our marriage she got pregnant. I didn’t want kids, and she didn’t really have an opinion until she got pregnant. She told me one day she was and I’ve never seen her look so damn happy.

We had a girl. Her name was Lucille. She was the best fucking kid on this goddamn planet. We were both big B.B. King fans, and our wedding song was one of his. He named his guitar Lucille and we thought that was perfect. She was so fucking cute. And always so happy. No matter what kind of shit mood I was in, her smile would make everything better.

Then the shit hole apocalypse started. When we heard the news of an infection spreading, we ignored it. Thought it was nothing. And then it started to get serious. People were leaving, I got called off of work, the grocery stores were becoming scarce. It was bad. One day she decided to take Lucille to the park. She was three. I was going to come with them, but I was trying to figure out how bad this infection was and if we should leave or not. They never came back.”

His voice trailed off and he sighed, staring at his feet. He closed his eyes and swallowed.

“Let me have Judith.” You whispered. "I don't want to not come back."

He turned his eyes to you and shook his head.

“This ain’t no place for a damn kid.”

“Then let me go back to her.”

“No.”

“Why not!” You yelled, pushing yourself up in the bed and ignoring the iron taste in your mouth.

“Will you just be fucking patient? Damn, do you realize what I’ve done for you? Try and have this infection back at your fuck hole, I dare you. You’d be dead in a day.”

“I probably wouldn’t have even been sick if I was still there.”

“Well you’re not, and until your group gets their shit together, you’re not going back. And it doesn’t look like they’re ready to be under my command any time soon, so buckle up.”

You shook your head and glared at him.

“How would you feel if Lucille was alive and just in another town over and you couldn’t see her? Because someone wasn’t letting you?”

“Try having your daughter dead. I think knowing she’s alive and your fucking boyfriend has her should be enough.”

You glared at each other for a bit before you rolled your eyes, flipping yourself over and crawling back under the sheets.

It was silent for a while before you felt Negan close to you, his lips near your ear.

“You’ll see her again. I promise. Just trust me.”


	10. Smoke

_You said  
_ _"Don't you try to run right now, '  
_ _'cause baby I could burn you down."_  
_You make your way into my veins,_  
_Course right through my limbs_  
_and dig your way into my brain._  
_So in the second that you walk into a room,_

_I can't help myself from that thing that you do._

 

/FLASHBACK/

“Hey handsome,” you said as you climbed to the top of the watchtower.

You walked over to meet Rick who was leaning over the railing, taking in the atmosphere around him. Snaking a hand around his arm, you leaned into his frame. Your lips met his shoulder before laying your head on the spot you kissed. He turned his head to kiss the top of yours. Sighing contently, you closed your eyes. “Thank you for taking care of Judith,” he whispered. You had just put her down to sleep and came up to greet him. It was your nightly routine.

Staring off into the night sky, you thought about that little girl. You cared for her during the majority of the day. Quickly taking her in as your own, you felt it was your duty after Lori’s passing.

Remembering the weeks before she gave birth, her glancing at Rick and you holding hands caused her to ask to speak with you. She took you on a short walk before she became out of breath to tell you she wasn’t holding a grudge. She understood why things happened the way they did and she was happy Rick had someone to be there for him in ways she couldn’t. There, you decided to promise her to always care for Judith and Carl no matter what events took place.  
  
Then it happened.  
  
You and Rick were quickly informed by Carl, of all people, of the news. You expected Rick to push you away during his grieving process, but he only held you closer. He muttered in your ear how much he loved you and how much he feared losing you. It was shameful and almost distasteful that him losing Lori brought you two much closer together, but you understood why it happened.

One quiet dark night, Rick let out his worries to you.  "I can’t lose you,” he whispered as you laid your head on his chest while he lazily rubbed his hand up and down your back. “I vow to never let anything bad happen to you. I can’t, I won’t.” You can hear the strain in his voice. You looked up to see him holding his eyes with this free hand, covering them to prevent you from seeing his flooded eyelids. You removed his hand and looked into his blue eyes sternly. “You won’t lose me. Even if I’m not here, you still have me. I promise,” you then lay a gentle kiss on his lips that he returns generously. A kiss that turns rougher. He becomes more aggressive, needier. He flips you over and his hands and lips are everywhere. He's biting and kissing any inch of skin he can get, and you’re rubbing his back and running your hands through his hair enjoying every minute of it. That night he showed you how much he loved and needed you. And even though it was far from the first time, it felt more intimate than it ever had before. 

Bringing yourself back to reality, you hummed in response to his thanking you and said, “It is my pleasure.” You two stared into the distance on top of the watchtower enjoying each other’s company.  The group had lost so much already and now you have to deal with the Governor, but at this moment, you weren’t worried. You were so calm and felt so safe next to Rick. He wouldn’t let anything happen to you and you knew it. To have someone that loved you as much as him and didn’t want to do anything but protect you meant so much. You truly couldn’t envision life here on this dead earth without him. He was your saving grace, your best friend, and the love of your life. He was everything.  

\--

“Please?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“No.

“Pretty, pretty please?”

“How many fucking times do I have to say it? No.”

You huffed in your bed and folded your arms, glaring at Negan who sat on the couch across the room.

“But I’m fine now.”

“Like hell you are. Your antibiotics are just working, you're still sick. Stop taking them and see what fucking happens.” He shakes his head at you and you start to bite your nails.

You throw your hands back down onto your lap and roll your eyes.

“It’s JUST sewing. That’s it. I don’t even leave my desk.”

“Oh yeah? What happens when you’re there after hours by yourself and you start coughing up blood again?”

You stare at him, calculating your answer.

“I’ll-“

“No.”

You groan out loud and throw your head back into the pillows.

“When are you gonna realize that I run this shit? Everything you do, I decide. I tell you no, you better fucking believe it means no. You see anyone else back talking me like you do?”

Staring at the ceiling, you think about his words. He’s right. Nobody else would dare to back talk him. Once he gave an order, that was it. Everyone else was too scared to find out what would happen if they disagreed.

So why did he let you?

“Tell you what. You can follow me around today and see how you feel. Then I’ll _consider_ letting you go back to work.”

You shot up in bed and threw him a smile. Being one step closer to having some type of a life again was all you wanted. You were being held prisoner in this room sick for far too long.

Well, you were being held prisoner in this place for too long in general. But regardless.

“There’s that fucking smile.” Negan says, and returns one to you. You swallow and cover your teeth.

“Can we go now?” You ask while throwing the covers to the side.

“Whoa, hold on darling!” Negan says while standing up from the couch. He walks over to you and sits down on the side of the bed and puts his right hand on your thigh. You stare at his hand before returning your sight to his.

“Eager, aren’t we?” He says in a low tone. His hand starts to rub your thigh ever so slightly, and you feel your heart start to race.

Clearing your throat you whisper, “I’ve just been in here too long.”

“Oh, what, I’m not good company?” He says, chuckling while leaning in closer to you. You can see the pores in his face, and the gel in his hair. He smells like a mixture of tobacco and cologne, and his beard is freshly trimmed.

“I just would like to see beyond these four walls. Working helps me get my mind off of things.”

You watch him nod and notice the hand on your thigh starts to move down your leg.

“There’s other ways I can get your mind off things.”

You grab his hand remove it from your leg.

“You’re right. So let’s go!” You try to get up off the bed but he was blocking your exit.

He just chuckled and shook his head.

“You know where the shower is and the clean clothes are. Go ahead. I’ll wait here.”

He moved out of your way allowing you get off the bed and walk toward the bathroom. You could feel his eyes on you the entire time.

“You know, I could always join you in there.”

Rolling your eyes, you turned to face him with your hand on the bathroom handle.

“You know, I could always kill you.”

You sent him a wink and he smirked as you entered the bathroom.

\--

Walking through the compound, you noticed how people were quick to kneel as Negan walked past. You thought it was so weird and unnecessary, but of course someone like Negan would get off on it. It sent flashbacks back to _that night_ , and you tried furiously to push them from your mind.

Negan's head was held high as he walked through the place, obviously proud of the power that he’s holding. Silently walking next to him, you couldn’t help but internally roll your eyes. You came from a place that was built on team work. This was all so new to you.

“Simon!” Negan called, holding his beloved bat on his shoulder. A man with a dark mustache turned around to face you two. He eyed you for a moment before returning his gaze back to Negan.

“Yes, boss.”

“My girl here needs to be entertained for a bit while I go talk to some shit heads. She can’t be left by herself, she’ll get scared.”

You rolled your eyes and he smirked next to you. Simon just watched the interaction looking a bit weary.

“Alright, I was gonna go do a few rounds around the place, she could tag along.”

“Great!” You felt Negan’s hand on your lower back and it sent a chill up your spine.

“She’s all yours, for now.” Negan sent you a wink and gently pushed you forward. You stood next to Simon and waited for him to make a move.

“Let’s go.” He muttered, and you followed quietly behind.

Patrolling with Simon was of course, very different from Negan. But Simon was still very respected among the community, so you were quick to learn.

Entering a building, you saw tables lined up with lots of items on top of them and a few people sitting behind them. It looked like a flea market. There were items from clothing to band aids to hygiene products.

“What is this place?” You asked Simon, picking up your pace to walk next to him rather than behind.

He scrunched up his forehead while shooting you a glance.

“Uh, you don’t know?”

Shaking your head, he nodded.

“It’s where people come to buy things they may need. They use their points to purchase whatever we have available for sale.”

Narrowing your eyes, you looked up to Simon again. “What are points?”

Simon came to a halt and turned his body toward you.

“You don’t know what points are?”

You swallowed and shook your head.

“Huh. Shit. I guess you don’t have to worry about them. The people here are given job duties. In return, there’s a point system. Their job lets them rack up points to be able to purchase whatever they may need. There’s only a select few that either don’t have points, or have a copious amount to where they’d never have to worry about running out. A few of those people are Negan, his wives, well ex-wives, and I guess, well, now you.”

You stared at the floor with wide eyes trying to process this information. Once again, your mind was left swirling with questions that nobody could answer except Negan, who would probably give you a shit one.

“Um, I guess it seems like a good system.”

Simon shook his head, “Yeah, it could be.”

Your eyes narrowed at that comment but you didn’t press it further.

The two of you continued to make rounds while you learned more about the compound than you did before. Every bit of information helps, and you needed as much as you could get.

Spending the morning with Simon, you decided he was a pretty decent guy. Of course he had an asshole side like Negan and Dwight, but you figured that was part of the job. It seemed like their version of authority was to be an asshole.

Hearing the radio buzz on his hip, Simon lifted the black box to answer it. “Negan is requesting (Y/N) outside the white hall.” The voice on the other said stated.

“Rodger that.” Simon radioed back and turned to you.

“Play time is over.” He said, and stared at you for a moment. You slowly nodded, “Yeah, I guess it is.”

He continued to stare into your eyes before saying, “Be careful.”

You swallowed, understanding his words, and nodded again.

\--

“Why are we here?” You asked, arms folded while you stared at Negan who was behind the bar.

You were in the common room where the wives were usually kept. Negan mentioned that they got to stay in their rooms after he divorced them, but later, he decided they should sleep with the rest of the Saviors. Everything else was left here, and you weren’t sure what the building was going to be used for now.

Negan set a glass of what you assumed to be whiskey on the counter and winked at you.

“I thought we could chat while I enjoy a nice cold one.” He said while smirking, and you rolled your eyes.

“Here? Of all places?”

Negan set down the bottle and glared at you.

“They’re not here. What fucking other problem do you have now?”

Sighing heavily, you didn’t press it. His anger still made you tremble. He noticed this, and dropped his expression immediately.

“Look, I don’t do- I only have two fucking emotions. That’s me wanting to bend you over and have my way with you, or me being pissed off. I’m trying here.”

You flushed at his words. It embarrassed you, having someone talk to you like this that wasn’t Rick. You’ve been with Rick for so long, you became comfortable with him. This was pushing you far out of your comfort zone whether you wanted it to or not.

Glancing at the bottles behind the bar, you reached over and picked up a bottle of vodka.

“Do you even know what that is?” He asked, giving you an amused expression.

“How old do you fucking think I am?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look whose got a lip on her. Looks like you’ve been spending too much time with me.” Winking at you, he raised his glass of whiskey to his lips and took a big gulp.

You evaluated the vodka bottle and nodded, taking off the lid and bringing it to your lips.

“Hey, what the fuck are you doing?!” Negan yelled as you swallowed.

“What, are you only allowed access to the alcohol?”

“You can drink as much as you want until you piss the bed. But not when you’re on antibiotics.”

“Oh, live a little. I’m fine.” You took another swig before moving the bottle behind your back, out of Negan’s reach.

“You wanna play dirty, don’t you?” Negan asked in a low voice. Carefully watching his movements, you took off across the room and into one of the bedrooms. You could hear him chasing after you, and just as you were about to shut the door, he pushed it open.

Seeing him run into the room you hurriedly backed up while taking another large gulp. Negan shook his head while walking toward you, cornering you.

“Well, look what we have here. Someone needs to be _punished_.” You felt the words bring heat to your cheeks. You tried to blame the alcohol, but you knew you couldn’t blame it solely on that.

“Come on, let me have a little fun.”

“Oh, I can let you have plenty of fun. But it involves me pounding into you and not you chugging a bottle.”

You gasped at his words, and you were sure your cheeks were bright red. He licked his lips and your heart was pounding in your ears.

Everything started to become too much, and you handed over the bottle and pushed it into his chest.

“Here, I surrender.”

“Does this mean I get to have my way with you?”

Glaring at him, you shake your head.

“In your dreams, Negan. I surrendered, I don’t need to be punished with that awful thought.”

“Yeah, you surrender now, after you drank half the shit. You’re gonna be shit drunk in no time.”

Walking past him, you looked around the room. It wasn’t as extensive as Sherry’s, but it was still over the top. You shook your head at the thought of his wives, and Negan noticed your irritation.

Glancing at the nightstand, you saw another book of poetry.

“Is that yours?” You asked, pointing to it.

Negan walked over and nodded.

“Yeah. I like to come here to get some peace of fuckin’ mind. This place can be fuckin’ irritating.”

Rolling your eyes, you sat down on the bed and opened the book. You felt the bed depress with Negan’s weight.

“Here,” Negan said while grabbing the book from your hands, “Let me read it to you.”

Staring at him in confusion, you waited.

\--

“Why are the steps so heavy and my legs so long! Wait, no, reverse that.” You slurred, feeling Negan’s arms holding you as you stumbled up the steps.

“Come on drunk ass, time for bed.”

“I’m not even drunk!” You squealed, running into the bedroom. Negan shook his head while shutting the door behind him.

Plopping on the bed, you flipped over to lie on your back. Negan leaned himself against the door in front of you.

“Negan the poet. Who knew.” You said, giggling to yourself. He tried to hide his smirk.

“Only you, so keep your damn mouth shut.” Negan said, teasing you while he walked over to his side of the bed.

“Only me? My, my. What an honor.”

“Yeah, you get a lot of privileges.”

Turning your head to him, you bit your lip.

“Why don’t I get points?”

Negan took a shaky breath in. Whether it was out of anger or what, you didn’t know.

“Fuckin’ Simon.”

“I would’ve found out anyways, dear.” You said, closing your eyes and sighing.

“Dear?”

“Shut up, I’m drunk.”

Hearing him chuckle, you opened your eyes to watch him shake his head.

“Answer me!” You whined.

“You’re just gonna have to trust me.”

Swallowing hard, you stare at him. Noticing your change in your behavior, he quickly changed his demeanor.

“Have I done anything to hurt you yet?”

Thinking about his question, you shook your head.

“Not physically.”

Sighing, he prepares himself for his next line.

“Everything I’ve done to you, I’ve done for you. Soon, you will realize that. I’m not as bad as you think. Letting you down half a bottle of vodka? That’s on you, kid.”

Giggling, you fake slapped his chest.

“But it’s so good!”

“The vodka?” He inquired.

“No, the drunk.” You said, closing your eyes in contentment.

Sitting in the quiet for what felt like years and feeling yourself drift off to sleep, your hear him speak.

“Do you hate me?”

Slowly opening your eyes, you stare into his.

“What?”

“I said, do you hate me?”

Biting your lip you stare at his hands. Avoiding his eyes would be best as you decided your opinion.

Did you hate him? He killed your friends. He stole you away from your family. His men hurt Rick. But on the other hand? He treated you when you were sick. He gave you unlimited points. He got rid of his damn wives. And you’ve slept in his room since day one.

“Honestly? I don’t know.”

Watching Negan lay next to you gave you time to observe his features through your drunk eyes. His white t-shirt was a bit damp, and you figured it was from his overheated body due to the alcohol he consumed. His chest moved slowly up and down while his hands were folded on his abdomen. Your eyes rose up to his beard, and you admired the salt and peppered hairs. It reminded you of Rick’s beard, and you felt fuzzy at the thought. Your eyes finally met his, and you found him staring at you.

His hand reached over to rub your cheek, and you closed your eyes feeling relaxed at the gesture.

"You're so damn beautiful." You hear him whisper.

Feeling the weight press into your abdomen, you open your eyes to see Negan hovering above you.

“What are you-“

“Shh.” Negan puts a finger on your lips to prevent you from protesting. You watch as he leans down and presses his lips against your neck.

Your heart rate started to accelerate, and the room started to spin. Not in the right state of mind, you didn’t know what to think. Part of you was having a physical reaction. The emotional part of you, however, was protesting this greatly.

His tongue licked the sensitive part of your neck and you felt him bite the flesh, and you resisted the urge to moan. Keeping your hands by your sides, you clenched your fists while you had this drunk debate in your mind.

His hands started to roam the sides of your body, and your legs were trembling. You wanted his hands to touch the most intimate parts of you, all while you wished he was not touching you at all.

Breathing heavily, you stared into his eyes when he abandoned the attack on your neck to stare into your bright orbs. He was wearing that stupid smirk of his and you could do nothing but stare.

Suddenly, you felt his hips grind into you and you let out an uncontrollable moan. You felt the hardness grind against your aching center and it hit you exactly where you were begging for it.

You shut your eyes in embarrassment and betrayal. You couldn’t stop thinking about what Rick would think. He’s always there in the back of your mind, but right now in your drunken phase, his image was fading.

Negan’s hand moved to your breast and you felt him knead your flesh through your shirt. Keeping your eyes shut tight, you tried to suppress the moans. You were doing a good job until he pinched your nipple, and you opened your mouth to release your frustration mixed with pleasure.

"That's it, moan for me." Negan whispered in a labored tone.

Hearing a faint knock on the door, you heard Negan swear before lifting himself off of you. You watched him walk to the door with hooded eyes, your vision fading black.

Once he opened the door, you fell into a drunken slumber.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I've been absent for so long. A lot of life changes have been happening, but I finally found time to write again. I hope you're still interested in this story as much as I still am. Love you all.


	11. Empty

_There was no way out,_  
_the only way out was to give in_  
_Oh, there’s no way out,_  
_The only way out is to give in_  
_How I love to give in_

  
  
_/Flashback/_

You were driving down the road going on yet another run. Like a habit, it's you and Rick. His hand is on your thigh as he drives while your eyes take in the scenery around you. Leaning your head back you sigh. You are so content.

His hand begins rubbing circles on your thigh and you open your eyes to watch. Courageously, you gently push his hand up higher. You see him smirk from the driver’s seat. His fingers creep up through your shorts and brush against the one area you want him the most.

You gasp as he starts rubbing circles over your underwear, your clit just underneath the thin material begging to be touched. You quietly moan as he continues, and you spread your legs giving him more access. He moves his fingers down and pushes your underwear aside, inserting a finger into you. You moan loudly and he turns to admire you.

"Watch the road." You command, and he does nothing but smirk.

His fingers continue to assault you and you realize you’re suddenly out of breath.

"Rick," you moan, "I need you, now."

Rick looks quickly at you and then back at the road.

"Now? Are you sure?" He asks, a concerned expression covering his features.

You nod your head in response, "Yes, now. Pull over."

Rick’s finger leaves your center and you whine. He pulls over to the side of the road and you stare at the emptiness in front of you.

Giving him a glance, he watches you as you decide to make a move. Before he can comprehend what was happening you're hopping out of the car, and heading toward the back. You lift up the trunk door of the SUV and crawl inside.

RIck leaves the driver's seat and walks toward the back to follow you. "What are you do-" you grab Rick by the shirt mid-sentence and pull him into the vehicle. You grab the back door and bring it down to close it. Turning your attention back to Rick, you lean in and kiss him gently as he returns the gesture.

You rub your hands along the side of his body to gently pull his shirt up. He takes it off revealing his chest and you moan. You rub your hands up and down his skin while turning your gaze back to his lips. You kiss him again but more aggressively as he leans you down to the floor.

Once you’re comfortably lying down, he starts leaving a trail of kisses from your mouth down to your neck and then your clothed chest. You push him away so you could quickly sit up and take off your shirt off, followed by your bra. You laid back down admiring Rick's face as he surveyed your chest. He immediately cupped your right breast as his mouth attacked the left nipple. You moaned in response and his tongue flicked your nipple back and forth before aggressively sucking on it. He switched breasts and you pushed your hips against him desperate for some friction. You felt his hard on and instantly became wetter.

He noticed your actions and began to continue his trail of kisses south. He unbuttoned your shorts and slid them down with your underwear. You took in a shaky breath as Rick breathed in your scent and spread your legs far apart.  You felt a tongue slide up your clit and moaned loudly. You looked down to see Rick staring right at you as he flicks and sucks on your clit with his tongue driving you wild. He inserted a finger inside of you and began fingering you as he ate you out. Your moans became louder and louder.

“Fuck, Rick, right there,” you panted, reaching your hands down to thread them in his hair.

His fingers found the special spot inside of you that made you tremble. You gripped his hair tighter and heard him groan in response. The vibrations from his mouth caused you to start bucking your hips against his mouth.

"Rick, I'm- I'm gonna cu-cum" you moaned and he didn't stop. Instead, his actions became faster. More aggressive. As soon as you knew it you were coming.

He removed his fingers and replaced it with his mouth, cleaning every last drop off of you. He leaned back up to kiss you and you could taste yourself on his lips. He looked smug, as he knew he did a good job.

Rick began kissing your neck up to your ear and whispered, "You sure?" You nodded quickly as he grabbed a condom from his pocket. You thanked the heavens these were still available.

Watching him remove his pants and his briefs, your heart rate started to quicken. You suddenly became nervous while also being eager with anticipation.

He rolled the condom on and leaned back down to you. He attacked your neck again as his hand guides himself to your entrance. He rubbed the head of his cock against your clit and you let out a soft whimper.

“You ready?” He asked, his voice strained. You bit your lip and stared at him.

“Please,” you begged.

He enters you slowly and you both moan in response. He begins to pump into you while looking up at you for direction. You nod and he goes faster, never breaking eye contact. You are moaning like crazy, and he leans down to kiss you between moans. You wrap your legs around his waist to let him go deeper, and you swear you weren’t going to make it out of this alive. The pleasure was so extreme and unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.

He slows down his movements and you push him to make him take your spot. As he lies down you straddle him, lowering yourself onto him and moaning as he fills you. You begin to ride him hard and fast, causing the skin contact to be the primary noise in the car. You notice the car shaking with your movements.

You don’t realize how loud you’re moaning until Rick groans and grabs your waist. He pulls you down so your chests are making contact, and he wraps his arms around you. You're lying on top of him with your head buried in his neck as he takes control and pumps you from below.

"Rick- I'm-" suddenly your orgasm rips through you.

“Fuck, Rick!” Your shaking body goes limp against his. He pumps into you a few more times before he comes, groaning your name in the process.

You both lay there in ecstasy for a while; you giving him kisses on his chest and him rubbing your back.

"That was a good first time for us," you giggle.

He chuckles and asks, "Why the back of the car?"

You sigh and answer, "Well, it's the only place we could be by ourselves with no interruptions. We couldn't do this back on the farm for obvious reasons. And I can be as loud as I want in the car and not attract walkers."

The last part made Rick smirk as he kissed the top of your head.

"I love you." you stated.

"I love you too, (Y/N)." he responded.

You wanted to lay there forever. In his arms. The love of your life.

\--

A sudden bright light invaded your closed eye lids, and you groaned. You covered your eyes with your arm and turned over in the bed.

You then realize how bad your head hurts, accompanied by a growling stomach.

“Wake up, sweetheart!” You heard Negan yell, and you grunt. Peeking out under your arms, you see he opened the blinds which let the bright sun intrude inside the once darkened room.

“I bet you feel like shit.” He chuckles, walking over to the bed.

Suddenly, the once warm sheets are ripped off of you and thrown onto the floor.

“What the hell?!” You whine, curling your legs up to your chest for some warmth.

“It’s time to rise and shine, baby. You wanted to follow me around, well, it’s time to get going.”

Grabbing a pillow, you cover your head to try and find some darkness and quiet. You knew it wouldn’t last long for him to grab the pillow and throw it across the room.

“Well, if I would’ve known you were into that I would’ve gotten you drunk a lot sooner.”

Staring at him in confusion, you start to remember last night’s events. They came back to you in pieces, and you remembered through a blurry memory the sight of Negan on top of you.

You look at him with wide eyes and swallow.

“Um, did we, um,”

He shakes his head almost angrily and stares at you.

“No.”

You sigh a breath of relief and watch him sit down on the bed.

He leans forward and his hands find your legs.

“Not that we didn’t do anything else,” he whispers, and you shake your head.

“Please, disregard anything that I did or said.” You quickly stand up from the bed, trying to get his hands far away from your skin, no matter how good it felt to have them there.

“And why the fuck should I do that?” He asks, watching you walk toward the bathroom door.

Before entering, you turn around to give him a guilty expression.

“Because I was drunk.”

You watch his demeanor change and suddenly he’s in front of you, making you back yourself against the bathroom door.

“Oh, so you’re drunk and all of a sudden everything you did or said has gone to shit?” He laughs sarcastically while bringing a hand to your cheek.

“Sweetheart, that’s not how it works.”

You shake your head, “Well, it does for me. And anything I did shouldn’t be taken seriously.”

He narrows his eyes at you for a moment.

“Really?” He asks, unconvinced. Your breath hitches as his hands find your waist.

“Really.” You say, trying to sound stern and confident but it ends up coming out as a whisper.

You feel his hands slide up your waist and find your breasts, pinching your sensitive nipples and causing you to shut your eyes.

“Why are you doing this?” You ask, your voice pleading.

“Can you honestly tell me that the moans I heard last night shouldn’t be taken seriously?”

Before you could reply, you felt his left hand rub your clothed center and you gasp.

“Can you honestly tell me that you don’t enjoy this?”

Swallowing hard, you shake your head.

“I can’t-I just- I-“

His wet kisses are intruding your neck, and you feel bruises forming. The embarrassing thought of everyone knowing where you got those marks made your stomach feel uneasy.

You tried to push his shoulders back, but it caused him to put against you further. His leg found his way in-between yours, and he rubbed himself against your aching mound.

You cursed your involuntary moan and clenched your fists, angry that your body was betraying you.

He moved his lips up to your ear and you felt his hot breath and his salt and pepper beard against your skin.

“I know you want me. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day, I’m gonna fuck you. And I’m gonna fuck you so hard you’re gonna be begging me for more. When that day comes, you’ll fully be _mine.”_

He ground his hips against yours at the last word, and you shook your head.

“Please, stop, I can’t,”

Suddenly, he removed himself from you. He gave you one last stern look and you watched him walk out of the bedroom.

You stood there against the bathroom door, trying to collect yourself. You realized you were panting.

Quickly grabbing a towel from his dresser, you ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

\--

You walked towards the group of Saviors standing by the large industrial trucks that were parked near the entrance of the compound. You felt every single person’s eyes on you as you walked past. Did they know you weren’t one of them? Did they know Negan got rid of all of his wives for you?

Did they know you just wanted to go home?

Taking a breath, you unfolded your arms and tried to stand up a little straighter. Thinking of your family and the past wouldn’t help you now. You had to be smart. Vigilant.

In the corner of your eye you saw Dwight watching you closely. You glanced at him briefly before turning your head away, not wanting to raise any eyebrows at the two of you.

Walking through a few groups you finally spotted the tall man sporting his classic white t-shirt and black jeans, his leather jacket forgotten in this heat.

Standing behind him you waited, not wanting to draw his attention away from whatever business he was attending to.

Looking to your right you noticed Simon staring at you, and you gave him a quick nod with a small smile. He nodded back and you found assurance in his eyes.

The tall man noticed he was glancing behind him, and he turned his large body around to find you standing there with a blank expression.

He smiled wide at you and you couldn’t help but feel your cheeks turn red and your chest turn warm.

“Doll face! Do I have a su-prise for you!”

Negan walked over and put his arms around your shoulders and guided you past the group of men towards the trucks.

“We’re going on yet another field trip. But this time, we’re not going to the beloved Alexandria.”

The warm feeling in your chest was replaced by an icy feeling that extended from your head, to your fingertips, eventually reaching your toes. 

“Today, we’re going to a place called Hilltop.”

Turning around he leaned against the side of the truck, glancing down at you to evaluate your expression. The sun was casting a glow on his face and you admired the way his hair shimmered in the natural light.

“Why am I going?” you asked, crossing your arms and keeping a neutral expression.

“Well, darling, you’re still following me around until the doc gives you the A-Okay to be by yourself. Until then, you’re following daddy around.”

Scoffing at the last comment, you rolled your eyes.

“So I can watch you treat another community like shit?”

He sported a furrowed brow in response to your comment.

“No, actually, so you can watch and learn how well I treat these fucks compared to your group. Show you what a little discipline will get you. Simon!” Negan yelled, and you turned your head toward the friendly man who stood in front of the rest of the Saviors.

“Load ‘em up! Let’s get the fuck out of here.” Negan twirled his bat in the air before looking back toward you.

“You’re riding with me, sweetheart.”

He winked at you which caused you to roll your eyes.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” you muttered.

\--

The car ride was mostly silent. Negan tried to crack jokes and slide his hands up your thighs, all of which you ignored.

Finding serenity in the woods is something that came so easily to you. The green forests that extended for miles left you with a sense of comfort. So many possibilities lied in these forests. There was so much ground to cover, and yet you were stuck strapped in next to a mad man in love with his bat.

And yet, you didn’t feel so compelled to smash his head in with it as you used to.

Driving up to the community you noticed the large wooden fence that surrounded the place. The doors opened just like they did at Alexandria, the trucks drove right inside.

The community had a large brick building that reminded you of a government building. You wondered if this place had a leader like Negan as well.

You felt the truck park in place and watched Negan turn the keys to shut the ignition off. “Alright baby, let me show you how it’s done.” He signaled you to leave the truck and you obeyed.

A group of strangers walked up to greet you, and you stayed back to watch the conversation. The people that surrounded the trucks didn’t look much different than the ones from your community. They were less than pleased to see the Saviors arrive, but you knew that was to be expected.

The community looked large, lots of green grass that extended itself from one side of the fence to the other. It reminded you of the farm, and a wave a sadness flooded your body.

Shaking your head, you tried to rid yourself from the memories. Surveying the crowd while Negan talked to a few community members, you noticed one member in particular that caught your eye.

He was wearing a winter hat, which you thought was odd it being so hot outside. He had long hair and a growing beard, and he sported a long leather jacket with black pants. He looked mysterious to you, and what was even more mysterious is that his gaze wasn't moving from you. Turning around, you tried to see if there was anyone behind you that he could be looking at. You bit your lip when you realized he was in fact staring at you.

“And this is my wife!” You heard Negan boast, and you watched his figure turn toward you which signaled you to walk toward him.

“I’m not his wife.” You muttered, taking a stance next to the mad man.

“Yet,” he chuckled, sending a wink your way.

You extended your arm out to the stranger and introduced yourself.

“See, (Y/N), these people work with us. We show up and they give us our shit, and in return, we don’t blow their heads off!”

You stared at him with an annoyed expression, and shook your head.

“That’s all you do for them? Not kill them?

“No. We also supply them with shit that they may need, if it is within reason.” Negan leaned down toward your ear, and you shivered at the closeness.

“See, I’m not a total asshole. Sometimes, I even have a heart.”

You wore a bleak expression and turned toward the crowd that was now minding their own business and returning to their daily activities.

“Can I roam?” you asked without looking toward Negan. You already knew the answer and you already had your response planned.

“No.”

“I’m within the walls and there’s people everywhere including Saviors.”

“I don’t want you-“

“I’ll stay within eye sight.”

Finally turning toward Negan you saw the glare he was giving you. It sent shivers down your spine as his icy cold eyes intruded you.

“You know, you’re lucky you’re hot as shit and all I wanna do is rail that sweet pussy of yours or else you’d be in some real deep shit right about now.”

Swallowing hard, you digested his words, hoping they meant something positive.

“Fine. Go. But if I call, you better fucking come running.”

You smiled and took off running toward the red building. The giant mansion had you curious and you wanted to know what was inside of it.

“Stay within sight!” You heard him yell, and you waved him off.

Finally reaching your destination, you walked up the concrete steps of the building. You were about to take a peek inside when a voice stopped you.

“Can I help you?” You heard a man ask. Slowly turning around you found the winter dressed man behind you.

“Yeah, isn’t it a little warm for all of that?” You asked, signaling to his outfit. The man smirked and glanced at his attire before returning his eyes back to you.

“It may be. But I wouldn’t be holding up my image very well if I got rid of it.”

Rolling your eyes, your back found stability against the brick wall.

“You men and your damn image. It will get you killed someday, you know.”

The man walked up the steps to move closer to you. He leaned on one of the giant white pillars that surrounded the front door.

“It might. But that’s what makes life exciting!”

Staring at him in disbelief, you rolled your eyes again.

“Right. I think I’d like a pretty vanilla life right about now.”

The man pursed his lips together and gave you a contemplative expression.

“Vanilla life. Hm. I’ve never heard that term being used other than in sex. Tell me, is your sex life not doing it for you?”

Shaking your head rapidly, you pushed yourself off the wall.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough. I’m going inside.”

Walking toward the entrance, your hand gripped the handle. You pushed the door aside and stepped inside the large building.

You were met with a large foyer with a large chandelier that hung from the ceiling. A spiral staircase was set behind the large rug that centered itself. The staircase had a banister that wrapped around the second floor, letting you see the multiple doors that lined themselves up down the hallways.

“Pretty nice place, huh?” You heard the man ask behind you. Walking further into the foyer, you got a good look around the extravagant entrance before nodding your head.

“Yeah, it’s alright.”

Gripping the railing, you started to lead yourself up the staircase. You could hear the man’s boots following behind you.

“Alright? It’s pretty great, if you ask me-“

“I didn’t.” You said, glancing back to give the man a smirk to find him giving you an amused expression.

“It’s like a bed and breakfast, kind of. These rooms are safe places for our people.”

“And you guys all come downstairs in the morning and throw a huge breakfast and talk about your crazy dreams?” You asked, peaking inside some of the rooms while walking down the hallway.

“Something like that. I think it’s pretty neat to have a place like this nowadays.”

Scoffing at him, you shook your head as you looked out one of the giant windows at the end of the hallway.

“Yeah, until someone comes in and sets fire to the place. Then you’re screwed.” You spotted Negan talking to a few community members outside the large window.

“Do you have anything in mind, (Y/N)?” The man’s voice made you jump out of your gaze, and you realized just how close he was behind you now. Slowly turning around, you meet his eyes.

“No. I just know what to prepare for. How do you know my name?”

The man grinned at you and reached for your hand.

“Come on, I have something to show you.”

Hesitantly, you took his hand. What else did you have left to lose?

\--

The man led you past the red building toward presumably the back end of the community. There, far from sight, was a large dark wooden shed.

“You’re totally leading me to my death right now.” You half joked. The man smiled at no one in particular and shook his head.

“Just keep following.”

You did what you were told and followed him in silence. The back end of the community was empty of any members, which concerned you a bit, but you felt a sense of safety knowing Negan and his men were on the property.

Finally meeting the shed, the man turns toward you as he stands in front of the door.

“Okay. I’m going to lead you inside. You can’t be loud and draw attention. What’s behind this door is special to you, and you must treat it with the utmost fragility. Do you think you can do that?”

Curious, you nodded and watched him open the door. You walked inside the shed and heard him follow you inside and shut the door.

You turned around and looked at him in confusion. He nodded his head toward something in front of you and you turned your head back around to try and see.

Slowly, a hooded figure made their way out of the shadows. The sun was peaking inside the shed through separations of the wooden ceiling. These small rays of sunshine gave you enough light to see who was coming from the shadows.

The figure was now in front of you and you watched as they removed the hood from their face.

“Maggie?” You whispered. The girl nodded to you and you felt a tear fall down your cheek.

Walking forward you embraced her into a hug. You could feel hear baby bump still predominant. You sighed a breath or relief when you felt it.

Leaning back you took her head in your hands.

“What’s going on? Why are you here?”

You wiped the tears from her eyes and realized your face was wet with tears too.

“I’m hiding from Negan. I can’t let anything happen to my baby, not after…”

You nodded, understanding the exact event she was referring to and not letting her say it out loud.

“Does the group know you’re here?”

“Yeah, they know. And we have a plan.”

You watched her eyes focus to the man behind you, and you turn to face him.

“The name is Jesus.” He says, reaching a hand towards you.

You take his hand and shake it firmly, before letting a chuckle leave your lips.

“Jesus? Seriously?”

“Told you,” Maggie said behind you.

“She warned me you’d laugh at that.”

“Come on! It’s hard not to. Can my name be Judas?”

“We were saving that name for Gregory.” Maggie said, and you turned to give her a confused look.

“Who is that?” You asked Maggie, hearing Jesus behind you start to answer.

“You met him with Negan, up at the front when he introduced you as his wife..."

“Oh. I wasn’t paying attention because I was too pissed he referred to me as his bride. Why do we hate Gregory?”

You asked, backing up to face both of them.

“He’s the one who gave the community up to Negan. I came here to be safe and now I’m at just as big of a risk here as I am in Alexandria.” Maggie said, and you watched her left hand reach to rub her belly.

“We never wanted to give in. We were ready to fight. Our people’s freedom is so much more delicate than what that asshat has planned for us.”

Furrowing your brows at Jesus' words and stared at the floor, before returning you gaze between the two of them.

“So what do you have planned?”

“Well, for starters, we’re breaking Daryl out.”

Your eyes went wide as you stared at Maggie.

“How the hell are you gonna do that?!” You whispered, which came out strained as you really wanted to yell.

“I’ve been circling that place for weeks now. I found a way to break in and out without being seen. The problem is, I don’t know how that building he’s in is laid out.” Jesus said, his hands nervously fidgeting by his sides.

Your eyes darted between the two of them as they stared at you, and then it dawned on you.

“Oh. So this is where I come in.”

“Yes. We knew Negan had you and has been using you as his bait, and we’ve been waiting for him to bring you around for a while.”

Swallowing hard at Maggie’s words, you cringed at you being termed “Negan’s bait”. Is that all you really were? Just a toy for him to use whenever he wanted to remind Alexandria how powerful he was?

No. You were so much _more_ than that.

“Okay. Jesus, I can sketch out the building for you to memorize. I broke into there myself, and I got to see Daryl. He’s not doing well. If you’re gonna do this, you have to be quick and silent. Also, bring clothes for him. I’ll explain in a bit. I’ll meet you at the red building in a few minutes.”

Jesus nodded before leaving the two of you in the shed.

Maggie walked back into the darkness and you followed her. You noticed she had a small mattress on the floor of the shed with a few books next to it. She slowly laid herself down onto the old bed and you helped her lean her head back onto the pillow.

"Do you sleep here?" You asked worriedly.

"Not often. I have a room back in that red building you referred to, but I hide out here when Negan's group comes. Sometimes they're here longer than expected and I can't stay standing for too long."

Sighing at her words, you understood.

“Why is Jesus helping break Daryl out?”

“He wants to piss off and end Negan just as much as we do. He and Daryl… it’s complicated. I guess they sorta know each other. I’m not really sure. I’m just really thankful for his help.”

You rubbed your hand across Maggie’s head and admired her peaceful face.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yeah?”

“I know what Negan is doing to you. I know it is all so confusing, and nothing like what the Governor did to us. Just… be careful. Hearts are wild creatures; that’s why our ribs are cages. I read that once in a book and I think it stands true right now.”

Staring at her dumbfounded, you figured now was a good time to ditch this conversation. You wondered how she knew about you and Negan, and you pondered how many other wandering eyes around the Sanctuary there were. Did the people at Alexandria know what was going on as well? Did Rick know? What were people telling him? How bad does it really look?

You leaned down and kissed her forehead, before rubbing your hand across it one last time.

“I love you, Mags. I’ll be back.”

“I love you too, (Y/N). Stay safe.”

“Always.” You whispered, and you noticed you were crying again.

You walked toward the front of the shed and took a deep breath before opening the door, and stepping out into the sunlight.

\--

Sitting in the kitchen of the red building, you and Jesus were laughing and chatting over mindless things. You finished your sketch of the gray building a half hour ago, and Jesus had a game plan all set in place. You gave him times where guards would be rounding, and areas of the building that he could hide in, as well as a list of supplies he’d need to break in.

It was nice to have moments like these. Moments when you could laugh and tell stories and forget abut the rotten corpses that surrounded your every waking move. To forget about having to worry about the safety of you and your loved ones at all times.

It was a moment to be vulnerable, even if it was for just a short while.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” You heard a man ask behind you and you immediately put a name to the voice.

“Just chatting about old times, is all.” You fictitiously smiled at no one in particular and turned your body around in the chair to face the one and only Negan.

Negan walked in through the archway of the kitchen and stood dominantly behind you.

“Christ, may we have a word?” Negan asked Jesus and you rolled your eyes.

“It’s Jesus,” he responded, while standing up from the table.

“I’m sure it is, I’m also sure I don’t give a shit.”

Jesus glared at Negan after sending you a sympathetic look. You gave him a small smile in return and watched him leave the room.

Negan took Jesus’ seat and folded his hands on the table.

“I thought I told you to stay where I could see you?”

You shrugged, flipping another page in the cooking book you found.

“I guess I thought you could see me. My bad,” you said nonchalantly.

Negan’s hands flew across the table and he slammed the book shut. You quickly removed your hands to prevent them from being smashed between the pages.

Slowly looking up you met Negan’s venomous glare. You kept your breathing calm and your face expressionless.

“Do you know what it does to me to watch you run around this place with another _man_?”

“I just met him today, I-“

“No, no, no. No talking. I’m talking. You don’t speak until I give you permission. You got it?”

Nodding, he removed his hands from the book and continued.

“I had to try and do business today while you ran around with that fuckin’ prick. And after dealing with Rick the prick, I thought I wouldn’t have this issue anymore. But I guess not.”

He leaned forward with his arms on the table and gave you an ice cold glare.

“So let me remind you, _princess._ You are _mine_. I don’t want you talking to any man without my permission. You fucking understand that? Your pretty little ass is _mine_. Nobody else’s. Especially that fuck God- or whatever the fuck his name is. I _own_ you. And nobody else will get the pleasure of fucking you but me. Got it?”

Truth be told, you wanted to take this cooking book and chuck it across the table into his face. You did not appreciate him being so possessive over you. Sure, you liked to be dominated in the bedroom, but this was so much different. Wasn’t it?

Knowing that Jesus was going to be breaking Daryl out tonight calmed you. Your hands were shaking with fury and you clenched them into fists, constantly reminding yourself that Daryl would be a free man tonight.

At least, you hoped he would be.

Opening your eyes, you sent Negan a sinister smile.

“Yes, master. I live to serve you. Let me know if you’d like me to stop looking at men entirely, as well.”

Standing up from the table, Negan mimicked your actions and stood with you. He quickly walked around the table toward you and you backed up until your back hit the corner of the wall.

“You know what? I think you’ve been given special treatment for far too long. It’s time for you to understand your fucking attitude has consequences. From now on, you’ll be on fence duty. No matter how or when they need you, you will come fucking running. I don’t care how sick or how tired you are. Got that?”

Realizing that Negan’s lips were inches from yours, you nodded rapidly. Suddenly you can feel his weight pressed up against you, and once you realized he was sporting an erection you shut your eyes tight. Feeling your heart rate starting to rise, you wanted nothing but to run back into the truck and go the hell home.

Negan’s hand found your chin and he lifted it up so you could meet his eyes.

“You understand me, _princess?_ ”

Swallowing hard, you nodded again.

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

Staring at him with a confused expression, you answered.

“Yes, master?”

His furious gaze broke into an amused one as he chuckled at your comment.

“Try again.”

“Yes, Negan.”

“That’s my girl.”

You felt his lips touch your neck and you involuntarily moved your head back and allow him access.

“Come on, let’s get you home.”

\--

_Standing in the examination room, you realized you were in the gray building where Daryl resides. Slowly opening the door, you checked each end of the hallway and nodded once the coast was clear._

_Sneaking down the hall, your back grazed the cool cement behind you. Leaning your body around the corner, you see a familiar face in front of Daryl’s cell._

_You quickly walked toward Jesus, and he turned his head to notice you._

_“I’m glad you’re here.” Jesus said with a relieved expression._

_Walking around Jesus, you noticed Daryl’s limp body lying in the cell before you._

_“What happened to him?!” You yelled, about to run inside until Jesus’ arms grabbed you._

_“He’s fine. The guards were beating him up while I was here. I was hiding and saw the whole thing. The problem is he’s now dead weight. I need your help carrying him out.”_

_Taking a large breath, you nodded. You exchanged a look with Jesus and entered the cell._

_“I’ll grab the arms, you grab the legs. On the count of three.”_

_You assumed the position at the bottom of Daryl’s body, reached down, and grabbed his legs._

_“One. Two. Three!” Once he hit three, you lifted his legs with all of your strength. However, it wasn’t enough. You and Jesus struggled to get him even an inch off the ground._

_“Okay, shit. We’re gonna need another plan.”_

_“Oh, I think the plan I have in mind will work swimmingly.”_

_The both of you turned around to see Negan, but he didn’t look like his normal self. He looked more villainous. The way he towered over you and Jesus made you fear for your life. His beloved bat seemed to be ten times its size, and the spikes were shining under the industrial lights._

_“First, I’m gonna smash your brains in,” Negan said, pointing his bat toward Jesus._

_“Then, I’m gonna tie you up, and kill your entire family in front of you.” Negan said, giving you a devilish smile._

_“Just fucking kill me!” You screamed, unaware that you were grasping Jesus’ hand tightly._

_“Oh, where’s the fun in that?”_

_Negan walked into the cell, and shut the door._

_“You try anything, and my men outside will chop each of your limbs off while you’re still breathing, and feed them to your communities while you watch. Got it?”_

_You stared at him with wide eyes as he picked up the bat, and slammed it down._

Gasping, you shot up in bed. Sweat was rolling down your face and your t-shirt was soaked. You looked around the room and noticed a calm looking Negan lying next to you with a book in his hand, and his glasses on, and his shirt off. The small light on his night stand was lit and there was a cool breeze coming from the window.

“What time is it?” You asked, still trying to calm down your breathing.

“Five AM. You were sure thrashing a lot.”

“Yeah, thanks for the wakeup call.”

“I figured it’d be good for you to ride it out. Anyways, they need you at the fence at five thirty, so you better get a move on.”

Negan turned the page in his book and didn’t even shoot you a glance. Rolling your eyes, you threw the covers back in bed and headed toward the dresser. You figured you wouldn’t have any time to shower, so you decided getting dressed for the day and cleaning up the best you could in the bathroom would have to suffice.

“Why are you awake anyways?” You asked, picking out an outfit from your limited choices. A tight fitted dress wouldn’t be such great walker fighting material.

“Daryl escaped.”

You stopped your movements and paused for a few seconds before turning to face Negan, who still wasn’t looking at you.

“What?”

“Yep,” Negan said, while closing his book and finally looking toward you. You didn’t realize how much it was bothering you that he didn't even have the decency to look you in the eyes.

“What do you know about it?” He asked, calmly. You stared at him in disbelief.

“What makes you think I had anything to do with it?”

“Well,” Negan began while he pushed back the covers and stood out of the bed, “Because you’re the one that snuck in there to visit him in the first place.” Your eyes went wide at his words and you watched him walk toward you.

“Yeah, don’t think you can get anything past me, sweetheart. But I didn’t do anything about it because I get it, you wanted to see him. But if you ever pull that shit again I swear your entire family will get it. Especially if you had anything to do with Daryl escaping.”

You did not appreciate this side of Negan. He treated you like an asshole, yeah, but he never treated you this badly since you've been here. Or did he? Was his recent actions fogging your memory?

Things felt… off, and you didn’t like it. You were used to him being so concerned with you, and giving you anything and everything you needed. Now he was threatening you and treating you like any other Savior.

Isn’t that a good thing? Don’t you want to be treated as a regular?

“And what if I did? Go ahead, kill my whole family. Watch what happens to me. I don’t think my corpse is going to be much use to you.”

Suddenly, he slams his fist against the wall directly next to you before turning around and glaring at the ground. You watch him scratch his forehead while he thought for a moment.

His scare tactics weren’t working. You were right. He couldn’t hurt your family because that would just cause you to do irreversible damage. To yourself, and to him.

He didn’t want to admit it, and you didn’t realize it, but he needed you alive. And the reason he needed you wasn’t to prove a point to Alexandria or to the Saviors.

He was starting to fall for you.

“Go to the fucking fence. I’ll be meeting you for dinner. Do _not_ be late.”

He grabbed the shirt that was hung across the dresser, left the room, and slammed the door behind him.

You had no idea what was in store for you next. But it didn’t matter, did it? Because Daryl escaped. And you’re one step closer to freedom.

 


	12. By The Throat

_Taking over parts of mine_   
_That I will pay for every time_   
_If I could catch you and cut your ties_   
_I would leave you, every time_

 

_/Flashback/_

The prison was eerily quiet. The only sound that existed was the trees swaying in the summer wind. Rick furrowed his brow and surveyed the area surrounding the prison. Something wasn’t right.

Exiting the watchtower, he decided to head inside. He passed a few people, sending them a nod or a small wave. Everyone seemed preoccupied, busying themselves with daily duties to keep this place going. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

Reaching the cells, he walked into the one he shared with you. He found it vacant. The bed sheets were ruffled from where you two left them this morning. Your dirty clothes still lay on the floor and the spot where your work shoes are usually kept were gone.

Walking toward the cafeteria, Rick shook his head. Talking to Carol for a short moment thinking you were helping her with meals, he found himself stuck.

You weren’t with Beth helping with Judith. You weren’t with Daryl preparing weapons for the next run. You weren’t with Carl making him do homework or making him sit through your school lessons, trying to give him somewhat of an academic life.

So where were you?

Rick’s palms started to become sweaty and his heart started to race. It was only then he realized what a big difference your absence made in the community. It was too quiet. Too dark. It felt wrong.

Picking up his pace, he walked to the front of the prison again. He ran out onto the grassy opening and to the fence, trying to see if you were clearing it from walkers or checking the sturdiness of the fence.

Neither were true.

Running in a full on sprint, Rick ran back into the prison and yelled for everyone to gather around him. He asked every single person if they have seen you, and each person came up empty.

“Where is she?” Rick asked, pacing back and forth, his shirt damp with sweat.

“Where is she?!” Rick yelled. Nobody answered, and nobody took their eyes off of their leader.

“Fuck!” Rick screamed, running his hand through his hair.

Glenn’s head was franticly searching around the room before he swore to himself.

“Guys, where is Maggie?” Glenn asked nervously. Rick stared at him in disbelief.

“I know where they are.” Michonne said, quietly. Everyone in the room turned to stare at her, but her eyes were set on Ricks.

//

The room was dark. Only a single light hung from the ceiling in the middle of the room. A large wooden table sat in the middle, accompanied by a single chair. Sighing to yourself, you kept you place on the floor in the corner of the room.

The door opened and your head shot toward it. Your eyes quickly darted to the large metal hand with a knife extending itself from it and you gulped at the sight.

Watching the door shut in your peripheral vision, the man walked in and didn't avert his eyes from you. He chuckled before walking over and grabbing the chair from the wooden table. He carried it over and sat it on the cold surface close to you before taking a seat.

"Well, well, well, who do we have here?"

“Fuck you.”

Smiling to himself, he shook his head.

“Now, sweetheart, you don’t wanna do that. Be a good little girl and cooperate with me, and I may not even cope a feel.”

Giving him a repulsed expression, you rolled your eyes.

“Now,  a little birdy told me you got a  _big_ group with lots of weapons and! The best part!  A motha’ fuckin’ prison! Now that’s some crazy shit. Is that true?”

Staring at him with an expressionless face, you kept still.

“Come on, darlin’. Talk to me. You don’t wanna make friends with this knife. Let me tell you, havin’ a fuckin’ robot knife wielding hand is pretty fuckin’ great.”

He licked his lips and you didn’t move an inch.

Sighing to himself, the man quickly stood and whipped his wielded hand towards you. The knife sliced across your left arm and you shrieked from the sudden outburst, followed by the pain.

Your right hand flew up to cover the wound. It soon became drenched in your warm, red blood that trickled down onto your clothes.

The man sighed again before resuming his seat in front of you.

“Now, let me introduce myself. My name is Merle. And I really need you to tell me where the fuck your prison is.”

Merle. _The_ Merle that you went to Atlanta to try and save from the rooftop? The mission that started everything between you and Rick? Merle, Daryl’s brother, whom Daryl desperately wanted to find but tried everything he could to not turn out like him. From what Daryl told you out of secrecy while intoxicated, Merle was nothing but a drug addicted abuser. But he was Daryl’s brother, and Daryl would do anything for his family.

Blood related or not.

Merle isn’t a common name, especially in an apocalypse. And Merle was _handcuffed_ to that roof. The only thing that remained on that roof was his hand.

Your eyes widened and you stared at him in shock.

“Your Daryl’s brother.” You stated quietly.

“That was my next point.”

“We came to save you from the roof and you were gone.”

Merle’s eyebrows furrowed together and he leaned forward, staring at you more intently.

“What do you mean you came to the roof?”

“Daryl, me, and some others. The cop that handcuffed you up there. We came to save you, but when we got there, all that was left was your hand.”

“Huh. That cop still with you? I’d like to chop off both his fuckin’ hands to show him how it feels.”

Quickly resuming the conversation to avoid Merle finding out that Rick is alive and well, and _the_  culprit for his missing hand, you continued.

“Daryl is my best friend. If he finds out about you sticking me in here and slicing me like this, he won’t be too happy to see you. I’ll promise you that.”

Merle raised his eyebrows and sat back in his chair.

“Is that right? Daryl was always a fuckin’ softy. I tried to toughen that kid up, but it never fuckin’ worked. However, I don’t think you realize how deep the Dixon blood runs.”

“I don’t think you realize all the hell he’s been through and how much of a different person he is. I can trust you, the Daryl I met that day we tried to save you compared to the Daryl that exists now? Completely different people. This shit? Kidnapping? Assaulting? That won’t fly with him.”

Merle studied your face for a moment before nodding.

“It’s a good thing we’re not twins, then.” The man stood up and left the room without even a muttered goodbye.

Sighing to yourself, you leaned your head back against the cold concrete wall and awaited your fate.

//

Hearing someone clear their throat, you jerked awake. Not realizing you dozed off, you wiped your eyes and winced after forearm brushed your wound. Glancing down, you surveyed the wound. It was still tender, puffy, and sore. But it only looked superficial.

You were in no position to be needing stitches right now.

Forgetting about the voice that woke you from your slumber, your head shot up. A man was sitting behind the wooden table with his legs crossed. The chair that Merle was occupying was now being used by the stranger. He looked relaxed. His right hand rested on the table while the other landed on his thigh.

Picking up his right hand, he beckoned you toward him.

Slowly standing up, you tried to stretch your aching joints. Being manhandled by a group of men trying to kidnap you does a number on your body.

You were just thankful they left merely bruises.

Standing at the table across from the man, you waited. His eyes inspected your body, and you felt the urge to cover yourself.

But you wouldn’t show him any weakness.

“And what is your name, pretty girl?”

Staying quiet, you stared at him.

“Hm,” the man said, before reaching behind him into his back pocket. He pulled out a gun and set in on the table before resuming his relaxed position.

“Now, let’s try that again, shall we? What’s your name?”

“(Y/N).”

He nodded, before smirking a bit.

“Phillip. It is so, so nice to meet you.”

Phillip uncrossed his legs and sat straight up in the chair, turning toward you.

“Now, (Y/N), I’d like to apologize for Merle. He can’t control is anger very well, but we’re working on it. I’m all about improving here! Improvement is key. Don’t you think?”

The room was thick with anticipation. Your hands twitched. You wanted to grab that gun and end everything right here.

But you had to be more tactful than that.

“You got a boyfriend, (Y/N)?”

Phillip leaned further into the table, his eyes evaluating you.

“I bet you do. Pretty girls like you never often roam alone. Hell, why should you? I bet you got a nice boy waiting for you back where you’re from. I can take you there, if you’d like.”

The man stood up from the chair and leaned over the table.

“See, the problem is, I don’t know how to get there. And I’d like to return you home and formally introduce myself to your boyfriend and let him know what a catch he has.”

Phillip walked around the table and stood next to you. You could feel his body heat radiating off of him and you shuddered.

His calloused hand reached up to gently put your stringy hair behind your ear, giving him a clearer view of your face.

“Or you could stay here. That’s always an option. I run a tight ship around here. And, if you'd like, I could make you my queen.”

You slowly turned your head to look him in the eyes, and you took a deep breath.

“I don’t want a fight. I just want to negotiate. I think we can all work this out peacefully.”

Staring into his eyes, you slowly nodded.

“I just have one question.” You whispered. His body pressed into yours and you resisted the urge to shut your eyes.

“Ask me anything. I am an open book.” He said quietly, before putting his hands on your waist.

Your left elbow quickly jammed into his chest, and he gasped while stumbling backwards. Running toward him, your fist collided with his face before kicking him in his private area. Turning your back, you sprinted to the table and grabbed the gun.

Whipping your body around you ran over to collide your boots with his head while he was kneeling in pain, before backing up and aiming the gun toward his head.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” You asked, your voice shaky and uneven.

The man glared at you from the ground with a bloody and seemingly broken nose.

He laughed and shook his head before saying, “I’m the man that’s gonna end your life.”

Checking that the safety was off, you aimed the gun and pulled the trigger.

Nothing happened.

Staring at the man with concern, he sent you a smile.

“Empty gun. A scare tactic, and in rare cases, things like this tend to happen.”

You swore under your breath and sprinted to the door and grabbed the handle, jiggling it until realizing it was locked on the outside.

“Fuck!” You yelled, slamming your fist to the door.

Glancing to Phillip who remained on the floor holding his nose, he did nothing but smile.

“This was going to be cooperative. But now, I get to torture you until you tell me what I want. Isn’t that exciting?” He asked from the floor, his teeth covered in blood that was dripping from his nose.

You backed away from the door and kept walking until your back hit the wall. You were breathing heavily trying to come up with a plan. You refused to die today, and refused to be used as bait.

Suddenly, gun shots were heard in the hallway. You looked to Phillip who wore the same shocked expression as you. The door flew open and Merle glanced to you and then to Phillip.

“What the fuck happened here? Never mind, we’ll deal with that later. We need you out there now. There’s some fuckers who broke in and are gunning down our men.”

Phillip stood up and limped toward the door without even glancing at you. The door slammed behind him and you sunk to the floor.

“Fuck,” you whispered, letting a tear fall. You felt your body coming down from your panic ridden state, and you felt how truly exhausted you were, mentally and physically.

A few more gun shots were heard. The sound of boots slamming against the pavement vibrated up and down the hall. Men were yelling close and far from your door. And you just sat and waited.

Whatever was happening was sending these men into a frenzy, and you hoped whatever it was would take them out.

“(Y/N)!” A muffled voice yelled and your head shot up. Were you hearing things? You stared at the door in confusion.

“(Y/N)!” The voice became louder. You ran to the door and put your ear against it.

“(Y/N)!” You heard again, and your breath became caught in your throat. You knew that voice better than your own.

You slammed your fist against the door repeatedly. “Here! I’m in here!” You yelled while continuing to pound.

Footsteps scurried toward your door and you backed away once your heard them wrestle with the door handle.

The door opened. A look of relief washed over you. The air was breathable again.

“Rick!” You whined, running over and wrapping your arms around his neck. He embraced you tightly and burrowed his head into your neck.

“Are you alright?” He asked, his voice strained.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You pushed his shoulders back to look at his face. He looked like he was going to cry at any second. A wave of different emotions were crossing his face at every second.

“I’m so…” Rick tried to say, but he shook his head instead. He brought you into another embrace and you sighed into his form.

“I love you, so fucking much.” Rick said with a raspy tone. You felt a tear fall from your eye and you nodded rapidly. “I love you too. Thank you,”

You glanced behind him to see Maggie and Glenn standing in the doorway, their arms linked.

“They got you too?” You asked Maggie, and she nodded. Glenn was shirtless and Maggie was wearing his shirt, and a shiver went down your spine.

“Did he…” You asked her, and she shook her head furiously.

“No. He didn’t touch me.”

You sighed out of relief and squeezed Rick’s hand.

“We gotta get out of here. Our people can only hold off their men for so long.” Rick stated, and you nodded.

“Lead the way.”

Rick grabbed your face and smashed his lips on yours. Your arms wrapped around his torso and you held him tight, while your tongues battled away.

Breaking the kiss and coming up for air, his forehead leaned against yours.

“Thank you for saving me.” You whispered, clutching his shirt in your fists.

“I’ll always save you. You can count on it.” He whispered back, and you nodded in understanding.

“He’s going to want a war. He wants our prison, and he’s going to do whatever he can to take it from us.” Maggie warned, and you glanced over Rick’s shoulder to see her worried expression.

“If he wants a war, then a war is what he’s gonna get. He’s fucking with the wrong people.” Rick stated, turning his head back to you and reaching for your hand.

“Let’s get out of here.” He said, giving you a smile.

\--

You and another Savior grabbed the last walker and slammed it against the fence. You quickly pinned his left arm to the metal fence, securing it’s wrists before glancing to your left to make sure your coworker was doing the same. Once the walker was secure, you both backed away to evaluate your work.

Nodding to yourself, you turned around to find your water bottle. You’ve been working since 3 AM. A rude wakeup call informed you that there was a breach in the gate, and you had to come immediately. Since then, you’ve killed 10 walkers, attached 15, and had 2 close calls.

You were disgustingly dirty. Your face was covered in sweat, dirt patches, and dried blood. Your clothes reeked of walker guts and were covered in blood that wasn’t your own. You were desperate for some food. It was well past noon and you still hadn’t eaten anything. The Saviors in charge never allowed you to be dismissed for breakfast or lunch, even when your coworkers got to. You were only allowed two 10 minute breaks every hour.

The hot sun was beating down on you causing you to have a pounding headache. There wasn’t a cloud in sight, and you didn’t have anything to cover your head with.

You’d rather be thrown into a cell with that damn song on repeat.

Chugging the remaining water from the bottle, you swallowed and gasped for air. Wiping the sweat beads from your forehead, you walked over to the water fountain for a refill.

You tried to aim the water from the faucet into your bottle while ignoring the gnawing feeling in your stomach.

A large shadow covered your figure from behind and you sighed in relief from the temporary shade.

“Having fun?” The deep, velvet voice asked and you tensed.

Your bottle overflowed with water and you let go of the handle to the fountain. You took another large gulp before twisting the cap shut and turning around to face the man in charge.

“Do you want me to die? Because that’s where we’re headed. Heat exhaustion. Malnourishment. You name it, it will be my death sentence. I might even pass out in front of a walker, oh, that would be a fun death.”

Negan rolled his eyes and leaned his weight on his right leg.

“It takes days for malnourishment to really take a toll on your body. You get headaches from being in the sun within ten minutes, it’s not heat exhaustion. And if you pass out you have twenty other saviors right next to you to remove your body from the walkers. You’re fine.”

Squeezing your water bottle tight in anger, you brushed past him, heading back to your work site. His large hand grabbed your arm and turned you back around to face him.

“We’re not done talking.” He said in a stern voice, towering over you.

“I can’t concentrate until I’m in the shade and I have had food. Seriously. There’s two of you.” You said, waving your hand in the air to signal the two Negan’s in front of you.

He rolled his eyes and hooked his arm around yours, steadying your body to walk away from the fence.

“Fine. We’ll eat.”

Negan turned around and lead you toward the direction of the cafeteria, his body supporting yours. 

Upon entering the cafeteria, you saw the one table in the center covered with food. Your jaw dropped as you stood there staring at the delicious options. The table was filled with different plates that hosted a variety of different breakfast options. Bagels, toast, muffins, eggs, sausage, pancakes, potatoes, among other breakfast food were displayed on the table. None of the point free plain oatmeal in sight.

“Damn, stop drooling all over the damn place.”

Negan smirked at you and you rolled your eyes before taking a seat at the table. There was an empty plate on either side, and you started to grab various food items to fill up your plate while watching Negan take a seat. He took his time selecting his items, while you kept piling food on.

“Damn girl. You better finish every fucking piece of food you’re adding. And if you finish it all then damn, I’ll be impressed.”

Swallowing part of your muffin, you reached across the table for the mini butter packets and ripped it open.

“I want a bit of everything. This is incredible you have this kind of food here. Where do you even find it?!”

Negan sent you a small smile before swallowing a bit of his water. “You’d be amazed how long this shit lasts. The freezer is our best friend.”

Remembering them stealing supplies from your group, your blood ran cold. You put down your plastic fork and knife and stared to the floor. Suddenly remembering the food you’re consuming doesn’t belong to you, or to the Sanctuary, everything felt wrong.

“What the fuck is up with you?” Negan asked while cutting into his food.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Bullshit. What crawled up your panties?”

Taking a breath, you brought your eyes up to meet Negan’s.

“This is stolen food. It feels… wrong. Eating this. Enjoying it. This could be from some group that’s now starving-“

Negan slammed his fists down on the table and you jumped slightly at the outburst.

“Listen. Everything we take, we take because in some fuckin’ way, it belongs to us. Whether that group owes us something, or we trade off. Whatever the fuck it is. We deserve it. We’re not fucking monsters. We have starving people, too. And my duty is to provide. And clearly, I’m fucking providing. So stop thinking of everyone else and think of yourself for fucking once.”

Swallowing hard, you picked up your fork and stabbed the eggs on your plate. You didn’t know if he was being truthful, but right now, there really was no way to know. And he was right. Starving yourself wouldn’t help any other starving groups.

You had to fight the system another way.

“What did you do before this?” You asked before taking another bite of your eggs.

Negan smiled to himself before bringing his eyes to yours.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Rolling your eyes yet again, you picked up your muffin and tossed it at his chest. He grabbed it and took a bite out of it.

“I was uh, a school teacher. High school. English, to be exact.”

“So that’s why you read poetry. Ah, makes sense now. Ugh, you didn’t rail your students, did you?”

Negan chuckled before shaking his head, “Why? Is that your dirty little fantasy? Fucking your teacher?”

“No, you pervert. But a man with 200 wives? I wouldn’t be surprised if that was your thing.”

“For your fucking information, I was a very loyal husband. So, no. However, if you’re into role playing, I’m into it.” Sending a smirk your way, you picked up another muffin threatening him with it. He put his hands up in defeat and you slowly dropped the pastry.

Biting your lip, you stared at your food, debating your next question.

“Spit it out.”

Slowly bringing your eyes to his, you prepared yourself.

“Why did you get rid of your wives? I mean, why did you even have them in the first place?”

Finishing the rest of his drink, Negan brought the cup down to the table with a little more force than necessary.

“Fuck, girl. You’re really obsessed with them, aren’t you?”

“Meeting a leader that has brothel? Yeah, I’m pretty curious.”

“Not a brothel. They were my _wives_. We were married. Well, at least, in the apocalypse sense we were. Can’t really get court papers signed now can we?”

“Why so many of them? Why any?”

“Why not? If they want me, might as well. They get protection, I get a piece of ass, everyone wins.”

“But instead of protecting just one person, you had to protect a whole group of them. Wouldn’t have it been easier to just have one?”

You watched Negan start to tense up across the table. His hands were turning into fists and his expression started to become sinister.

“Listen. These girls wanted it. Who was I to turn them down?”

“I don’t think they wanted you. They just wanted to be protected without having to have their lives at risk, or worse, their loved ones lives.”

“Listen, girl-“

“And I think you were scared. You didn’t want to settle down because that meant commitment. Hell, that meant opening up your stone cold heart and god forbid you do that.”

“Yeah? Is that what you think?”

Taking a moment you closed your mouth and sat a little father back in your seat.

“Yes. That’s what I think.”

Negan chuckled at nothing in particular and shook his head at the ground.

“Oh, do you have a fucking mouth on you.”

Negan raised his head to you and stared into your eyes.

“If I’m so fucking scared, explain you.”

“That’s what I don’t understand. Suddenly I’m here and… and they’re gone. Just like that. Why?”

He stared at you with the words on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to tell you. He wanted to lay it all out on the table with the food. He’s been given the perfect opportunity to tell you everything and anything he’s wanted to. So what was holding him back?

“You really wanna know?”

Biting your tongue, you nodded.

“Yes. I really wanna know.”

Nodding slowly, Negan agreed. “Okay. The reason I-“

Just as he was about to continue, a loud bang was heard outside the cafeteria. Both of you shot your heads toward the door that lead to the outside and stared in shock. Men were yelling and women were screaming. You quickly turned to Negan who nodded.

Standing up from your seats, you sprinted toward the doors. Running outside you were met with one of the trucks crashed into a neighboring building. The back of the truck was opened. Boxes inside were tipped over and jars of food were pouring out. Men and women were running in separate directions. Looking to the ground, you saw a few men laying lifeless, their blood turning the dirt a maroon color.

“What the fuck,” you whispered. Negan turned to you with fearful eyes.

“Get the fuck back in the cafeteria and don’t come out until someone comes and gets you. Go!”

Just as you were about to run inside, you see him.

He came out of his hiding spot, assault rifle aimed in your direction. But he wasn’t aiming to you. No, his sights were set on Negan.

“Carl?”

 


	13. Decode

_How can I decide what's right_  
_When you're clouding up my mind?_  
_I can't win your losing fight_  
_all the time_

_/Flashback/_

_"I didn't ask for this! I killed my best friend for you people, for Christ sake!"_

The farm was no more. Shane was no more. The fantasy life you were dreaming of, was gone. No more sunny mornings with a beautiful glow across the open field. No more fooling around with Rick behind the barn, or chasing Carl for hours in the grass.

The only orange glow the farm would provide you now was from the flames of the fire that consumed all the memories you made.

The fire also did something else. It ignited something in Rick. Something you’ve never seen before. The light in his eyes was burned out, while the fire in his heart burned on.

_"Maybe you guys are better off without me. Go ahead."_

The thought of murdering your own best friend was something foreign to you. However, you understood exactly why he did it. From an outside perspective, you understood why he would seem crazy. But he was right. He got us this far, and he saved us from the devil that was lurking in our own backyard.

It was the first time you understood that sometimes, you have to fear the living more than the dead.

_"Why don't you go find out for yourself. Send me a postcard."_

“Rick,” you whispered. He was walking far away from the group, deeper into the woods. The weight of his speech still laid heavily in the cold winter air. Not wanting to be surrounded by anymore fire, you were thankful to be away from the smoke.

“Rick, please, stop!” You whispered harshly. The cold air burned your lungs. Trying to keep up with him, you could tell he was shaking with anger. You didn’t know what he was going to do. He looked as if he was going to snap at any moment, you just were praying he wouldn’t snap at you.

You didn’t need another Shane on your hands.

Finally, Rick stopped walking and leaned his back on the tree. He caught his breath out of anger, and avoided your eyes.

Carefully, you approached him. You slowly brought your hands up to his cheeks, and leaned in closer.

“You’re doing a great job.” You stated.

Rick’s expression turned from disapproval to downright disappointment. He started to shake his head and you held him in-between your hands with a strong grip and forced him to look your way.

“Stop. They’re scared. Their lives just changed drastically yet again. They’re dealing with a great loss. Killing the living? It’s not something that’s normal around here. Killing the dead? Semi-normal. They’re not used to this. You get it. You understand what it takes to keep us safe. They’ll understand eventually. They’ll understand how lucky they are to have you as a leader. Just give them time. Give yourself time. I’m on your side. Always.”

Rick looked at you with sad eyes and stared at the ground. He was breaking in front of you, and you wanted to do nothing but to pick up his pieces and prove to him what a great leader he really is.

“Please listen to me. Rick…”

He finally brought his eyes up to yours and you gave him a confident look. You leaned in and connected your lips with his. His arms found your waist and he held you tightly.

Breaking the kiss and coming up for air, he leaned his forehead against yours.

Whatever the future held for your group, you were sure you would be alright. Rick had the world in his hands. He just had to figure out how to handle the power.

_“This isn’t a democracy anymore.”_

\--

“I have to admit, the little psycho killer scared me to death! I’m impressed!” Negan said, kicking his feet up to rest on his desk. You and Dwight stood on the other side, staring at Negan and waiting for direction.

“I mean, how many men did he kill? Five? With a fucking assault rifle? My god, what a little bad ass.”

“What do we do now?” Dwight asked, fidgeting in his stance next to you.

“I say we kill the fucker.” Simon says with a chuckle behind you, resting against the wall in the corner of the room.

“Don’t you _fucking_ hurt him.” You threatened, staring at Negan with a glare.

“Can’t do that. He’s her son. Or step son? How does that work, exactly?” Negan asked with a questioning expression.

“Throw him in a cell. Let him rot for a few days, scare him.”

You whipped your head toward Dwight and snarled.

“You throw him anywhere near a cell and I promise you, you’ll have a matching scar on the other side of your damn face.”

Negan stared at you with amusement before laughing.

“Two psycho killers! Or, are you just turning into me? Hard to tell.”

Negan stood from his seat and walked around the desk. Standing in front, he leaned his backside against the wooden surface. His eyes darted between you and Dwight.

“No, we’re not gonna do that. I’m gonna take him back. I can’t wait to see Rick the prick’s face when I tell him what his son did. Oh, makes me giddy just thinking about it!” Negan sported a large smile that showed off his teeth. Your heart skipped a beat at the mention of _his_ name.

“That’s all you’re gonna do?” Dwight asked. You squeezed your hands into fists and clenched your jaw. Negan noticed.

“Yeah. That’s all I’m gonna do. I know the kid did this without any incentive from his group. Trying to be a hero. I get it. I’ll let Rick set him straight.”

“I really think we should-“

“Hey!” Negan slammed his fist against the desk and stood in front of Dwight.

“Did I ask you? Did I say, ‘Hey, Dwighty boy! Please! Let me know what we should do as you are, in fact, in charge here.’ I don’t recall me ever asking for your shit opinion. So do us a favor and shut the hell up before I let my women have her way with you.”

Dwight stared at Negan angrily and didn’t say a word.

“Boys, you’re dismissed.”

The men left the office silently and left only you and Negan in the room.

“Wow, what a day. You must be tired as shit. You can go sleep, take the rest of the day off.”

“I’m going with you.”

Negan chuckled and crossed his arms, resuming his leaning position against his desk.

“Oh yeah? Under whose orders?”

“Negan.” You stated in a threatening tone.

“You know I can’t bring you with me. “

“Let me talk to him.”

Negan considered your request, and took a deep breath.

“Tell you what. I’ll let you talk to him unsupervised and in return, you let me take him back. Just us. I won’t even bring back up.”

Swallowing hard, you nodded.

“Fine.”

Negan smirked and reached his hands to find the your sides. He pulled you in closer to him as his hands found your rear.

"You know I like you even more when you're angry."

Rolling your eyes, you put your hands on his shoulders and pushed yourself away from him.

Negan stood up after sending you another smirk and walked toward his desk chair.

“He’s in an empty room with two guards. Simon is outside my office, he will take you there.”

You scoffed, “Of course he is.”

“Get out of here before I changed my mind.” Negan said, not looking up from whatever he was reading.

Unbeknownst to you, his eyes followed you all the way out the door. 

\--

Simon led you down the hallway in silence. The bedrooms you passed were vacant; the members that usually occupy them are out doing their daily duties or spending their points. You were thankful for the quiet and the lack of wandering eyes. You didn’t need any more whispering to surround you, especially if it involved Carl.

The last room at the end of the hall had its door closed, and you knew you arrived. You waited for Simon to open the door and give you the okay to enter.

The door handle was grabbed and the door slowly opened. You tried to peer over Simon’s shoulder to look inside the room. Painfully slow, Simon finally opened the door all the way and stepped aside, allowing you to enter.

You ran into the room and searched for Carl, and found him sitting on one of the beds in the room. Running over to him, he quickly stood, and you both embraced each other in a hug.

Simon called for the two guards in the room to exit with him, and you heard the door shut behind you. Putting your hands on either side of his head, you evaluated his face.

“Are you hurt? Did they hurt you?” You asked, your voice shaking with worry.

He shook his head, “No. I’m okay. Promise.”

Nodding, you kissed his forehead and hugged him again.

You two stayed like that for a while, but it would never seem long enough.

Breaking the hug, you placed your hands on his shoulders and gripped them tight.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” You asked through soaked eyes. The tears were flowing  freely and Carl looked at you with a sorrowful expression.

“It wasn’t all my idea. Jesus was in on it too.”

Glancing around the room and behind you to ensure you were alone, you grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. You both took a seat and narrowed your eyes.

“What do you mean Jesus was in on it too?” You asked in a whispered tone, fearful of any hidden microphones or eavesdropping guards.

“This is all part of the big plan.”

You chuckled sarcastically and wiped your tears, swallowing hard.

“This? Oh, yeah, you’re doing so well. You really showed him. I’m a free woman.”

Carl rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“No. This was just a warning. To prove to Negan that we can, and will, take him down. I was never going to kill him, that would’ve been the quickest death sentence.”

“This was so risky. And the only point was to prove to him that you could take him down?”

“That’s not the only reason. Jesus was behind me on the truck. He snuck in while I distracted everyone. He was trying to look for you.”

Staring at Carl with wide eyes, you realized Jesus was trying to save you like he saved Daryl. Cursing to yourself, you glanced around the room. What would’ve happened if you weren’t with Negan? What if he did find you? Save you?

How come a small part of you would’ve felt bad if you left?

“Where’s Jesus now?”

“Once he saw you were standing outside with Negan, he ran. I’m sure he’s fine.”

Sighing, you brought your eyes back to Carl.

“Does your Dad know about this?”

Shaking his head no, you nodded. “I figured.”

“What’s going to happen to me?”

Giving Carl a sympathetic look, you grabbed his hand.

“Nothing if I can help it. Negan is going to take you back himself, and he said nothing bad would happen to you. He just wants to tell Rick himself. But I swear, if he even touches a hair on your head I will personally chop his balls off.”

Carl chuckles and shoots you a smile.

“That would be a death sentence for you, wouldn’t it?”

You considered the odds and smiled, “You’re worth it.”

Sitting in silence for a moment, you took in the sight of having Carl next to you, and your heart swelled with how good it felt.

“You look so much like him.”

Carl looked at the floor in sadness, knowing you were referring to Rick.

“Carl,” you whispered. He avoided your eyes. “How is he?” You asked, almost too quiet for him to hear.

Carl shook his head.

Looking to the ceiling, you tried to hold back the tears. Biting your quivering lip, you felt your eyes betray you.

Carl squeezed your hand.

“We’re going to get you out of here, (Y/N). I just know it. Just, keep doing what you’re doing and don’t let that bastard do anything to you. Or I will also chop his balls off.”

Breaking into a smile, you gave Carl a silent thank you.

You heard someone knock on the door and you knew your time was over.

Simon opened the door and signaled for Carl, and you nodded. Standing up, you grabbed Carl and hugged him as tight as you could.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” you whispered.

“I love you, too.”

Carl gave you a reassuring look, and walked out of the room. Simon nodded to you and closed the door.

You sat back down on the bed and fell apart.

\--

Sitting on the bench that sat in front of the window, you stared out at the night sky. The moon was shining bright for you again, and you were thankful she was showing herself.

The soft wind blew the trees as you listened to the quiet night. Not even the walkers were groaning loud enough to reach your window.

Your one leg was tucked underneath you while your right arm leaned against the window, your hand supporting your head.

Sighing to yourself, you looked down at your notebook and grabbed your pen, and began to write.

_I don’t know what I’m doing or what I’m supposed to feel. I also don’t have anyone to confide in, so I guess I’m writing it down here. I used to keep a journal and it was useful so, I guess I’ll do it again. It won’t hurt, right?_

_The calmness of the night still hasn’t lost its magic. The sunrises I once loved have been stripped away from me, but the night, oh, the night cannot be taken. She grants me quietness, strength, and tells me I can go on. The moon lights the pathway and tells me the right direction to go._

_But how can my heart be telling me to take two different paths?_

_Sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating. This all becomes too much. The push and pull. The ups and downs. I just want it to stop._

_My heart once was left with a man with a gold star and a cowboy hat. And now? It feels like it’s ripped in two._

_The other man with the leather jacket may have the other piece._

_But shouldn’t I be fearing him? Hating him?_

_I don’t know._

_At the end of the day, they seem to have more similarities than differences._

_But I’m in love, right?_

_Yes._

_But am I in love with more than one person?_

_I don’t think I want to know the answer._

_All I know is, you cannot live without love. Whether it’s the love from friendship, a partner, or family. Human beings need love to go on._

_Maybe I’m just craving that kind of human connection. The intimacy. Maybe it’s not the person, maybe it’s just the feeling. Since the person who provided it from me has been taken away._

_Put both men in a room I know who I’d choose._

_But that doesn’t help my current situation. That doesn’t help where my physical body is now. And maybe this was the plan all along. Take away everything that makes her human to make her crave the monster that can provide._

_Or maybe, just maybe._

_This was caused by love, too._

Wiping your eyes, you closed your pen with its cap and closed your notebook. Taking a deep breath, you let out all your concerns and worries out of your body and into the air.

Walking over to the desk, you open one of the drawers and grab a lighter.

Igniting the device, you take the flame to the corner of the notebook, and watch it catch fire.

Dropping it into the trashcan, you let it burn.

The door opens, and Negan walks inside. He glances at you and to the trashcan, and closes the door.

“What are we burning?” He asks, seemingly unconcerned with the small fire.

Taking your water bottle, you unscrew the cap and dump the water into the can, letting the flames die out.

“I’m not entirely sure.” You whisper, staring at the smoke arising into the air.

Negan gave you a slightly confused expression, but let it go. He took off his jacket and threw it on the chair, and you turned to lie on your side of the bed.

He kept glancing to you while he changed his attire into a more comfortable outfit. Why unfolding a gray t-shirt, he glanced at you again.

“You aright?”

Resting your head on the pillow, your back faced Negan. You didn’t answer.

You felt the bed dip as it accommodated Negan’s weight, and his body felt close to yours.

“The kid is fine.”

Turning on your back, your head moved to stare into Negan’s eyes. His head was propped on his hand and his body mimicked your old position.

“If you’re lying to me-“

“Why would I lie? Jesus Christ, when are you gonna fucking trust me? What else do I have to do?”

Swallowing hard, you avert your eyes and stare back out the window. Feeling his hand cup your cheek, he turns your head back toward his.

“I’m a man of my word. And for some fucking reason, I can’t disobey you. You have me wrapped around your goddamn finger and it pisses me the fuck off.”

Taking in his words, you feel your eyelids become heavy. Closing them for a moment, you feel his lips gently touch yours. Too exhausted to move, physically and emotionally, you let his lips dance with yours in the darkened room.

The kiss becomes needier, more ravenous. His leg hooks over your waist and you feel his weight on top of yours. Your legs spread to accommodate him instantly, and the movement was like clockwork. You didn’t realize what you just did until you felt his hips grind into yours, and a moan escaped your lips.

His right hand started to explore your body, his fingertips leaving sparks of electricity everywhere it touched. Goosebumps followed to leave proof that his hands were there, and your heart rate started to quicken.

The lips of a man you never called your own latched onto your neck, and his salt and peppered beard scratched the sensitive skin. Involuntarily, your neck moved to allow him more access. His calloused fingers found your chest, and you cursed yourself for removing your bra earlier. He squeezed which caused you to whimper, and you felt him smirk against your neck.

Gripping his shirt you tug it up, and he leans back to remove it from his body. Your hands roam his naked torso as his lips come back to reunite with yours. The soft hairs that lied on his chest found your fingers, and you enjoyed the feeling of your hands intertwining with them.

His hand left your chest and you sighed in relief, until you felt it crawling up your shirt. You shivered in anticipation. Your mind was cloudy and you couldn’t think straight. For once, you decided to let something other than your head do the talking.

The large hand traveled up your abdomen and teased the area around your chest. Your breasts reacted, and you bit your lip. He found the hard nubs and squeezed them, causing you to moan into his mouth. Your hips thrusted into his as he attacked the sensitive area, and he smirked against you.  

His lips left yours and once again he found that spot on your neck that made your eyes roll in the back of your head. He sucked on the pulse point and bit the flesh, while your hands gripped his hair black hair tightly.

The hand that was assaulting your nipples reached down to lift your shirt, and Negan leaned back to look at the view. Your chest was bare now, and you blushed as his hungry eyes took you in. Your shirt wasn't fully removed and you could easily pull it down and be clothed once again, but you didn't. And you've never felt more naked than you did at this moment.

“Beautiful,” he whispered. You bit your lip and watched him lean down and capture a nipple into his mouth. You threw your head back at the sensation and bucked your hips up again, causing him to groan. You could feel his hard on as you did so, and it only encouraged you to repeat the act again.

This time, his hips met yours, and you both moaned into each other. He moved to your other nipple and began to torture it with his tongue as your hand left his hair to travel down his chest. Once you reached his sweat pants, you found his member and held it in your hands, feeling him grow beneath you. Finding the courage you dip your hands past the elastic waist band, and feel him over his briefs. You squeeze him which causes him to groan into your breast. You massage his length and gasp at the large size as he brings his face up to yours. He kisses you fiercely as you both feel each other.

His hand grabs your busy arm and pulls it out of his pants. You frown at the loss and in fear that you did something wrong. His weight is removed from you as he turns to lay next to you. Suddenly he grabs you, forcing you to lay sideways with your back against his chest.

He grabs your left leg and swings it to lay across his legs, giving him open access to the area that was begging for it most.

His lips found your neck and you were thankful it wasn’t the same side he was previously invading. His left hand massaged your breasts once more before it slowly moved south down your body. His rough hands traced every curve, every scar, and every mark he could find before his hands hovered over your shorts. You closed your eyes and sighed in anticipation.

Negan brought his head up from your neck and looked into your eyes, and you stared into his. Giving him a small nod, he kissed you while simultaneously advancing his hand forward.

His fingers tangled themselves in your wetness, and you moaned at the contact. His brushed his fingers up and down your mound, before pushing themselves in between your lips. You kissed him harder, your tongue aggressively attacking his. He played with your slit while searching for your clit and he smirked as your hips buckled forward when he found it.

He started to circle it with his fingers rapidly, and you quickly became out of breath. You were a mess of moans and sloppy kisses as his tongue continued to explore your mouth.

“You’re fucking dripping for me, doll.” He whispered in a ragged tone. Shutting your eyes tight, you swallowed hard. You tried to keep yourself together as his skillful fingers danced across you.

“Negan,” you whispered, mentally slapping yourself for how needy you sound. You grabbed his arm and tugged it down, signaling him to go further.

He took the hint and he took it well as his fingers brushed past your clit and found the entrance to the most private area your body held. He dipped a finger in to explore, and your throat ran dry. You haven’t felt this type of pleasure in months, and you didn’t realize how desperate you were to be touched.

Hearing the encouragement from your whimpers and the wetness of his fingers, Negan added a second finger, and began to thrust. His rough movements caused you to lose your voice, your rapid breaths were filling the room with the sound of your dripping core.

His head laid against yours as you unraveled against him. His fingers hit the spot inside you that caused sparks to fly across your vision. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you felt weightless. Your head fell to the side against Negan's as he continued to hit the area over and over again.

You moaned his name loudly as your legs shook beneath you. You felt yourself becoming limp as his fingers slowed their movements. Negan kissed your cheeks as you came down from your high, still keeping your eyes closed and not daring to move.

His fingers left your center and gave your clit one more swirl before removing his hand entirely. You lazily opened your eyes to find him sucking his fingers clean of your juices. You moaned quietly at the sight.

Grinding your hips back, you felt his hardness against you. He shook his head and kissed your ear, before wrapping his arms around your waist.

 “I want you,” he whispered into your ear before rubbing himself against you once more.

“But I’m not going to take you tonight. We’re taking this slow, and you need to rest.” He kissed your cheek before relaxing into the pillow, and loosely hanging his arm around your waist.

“Goodnight, doll.” He mumbled.

Once again, you stared out the window at the moon and swallowed thickly. You wondered if you betrayed her.

You lost yourself that night.

 


End file.
